


The Tipping Point

by soyouthinkimskinnyyy



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars, ben solo - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Bisexual, Blood, Cheating, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, F/F, F/M, Fighting, Forced Marriage, Grey Jedi, Hux - Freeform, Im serious a LOT of blood, Knife Play, Multiple Deaths, Parental Death, Princess - Freeform, Queen - Freeform, Reader-Insert, Royalty, Secrets, Self-Insert, Smut, Sub Kylo, Threatening, Toxic Relationship, Warrior Queen, dark side, dom reader, reader - Freeform, reader kills a lot of people with no remorse, sub Reader, they really like to fight then fuck, wound-play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 49
Words: 85,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soyouthinkimskinnyyy/pseuds/soyouthinkimskinnyyy
Summary: "Not many people can tell me no," Kylo Ren declared. "But you evidently think that you can""That's why you're so stuck up," you retorted quickly. "But someone needs to put you in your place." You were not about to let him win."And you think that person is you?"You stood up straight still only reaching to his shoulders. You were emboldened by his question. "As a matter of fact I do," you put one finger on his chest. "In fact," you ran the finger down his muscular arm, "I think I can make you do whatever," you put both hands on his chest, "I," you inched your body into his, "want."---------You are the princess of the planet Malachor, a safe haven for women to become warriors. You have lived your life men-free and you have been fine that way. However, a terrible tragedy earns you the title of queen and forces you into an uncertain alliance with the First Order through your marriage to Kylo Ren. With tempers to match and the same alpha energy, will this be a love to last?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Prepare

"Hyah!"

You exclaimed as you pushed your sparring partner to the floor, pointing your sword at them. This was the third? No, fourth time you had beaten them today and you were growing tired of the lack of challenge. You sighed, helping your partner up and taking your face mask off.

"I hope I'm still allowed to eat dinner after that embarrassing defeat," you teased while hanging the dull sword on the wall.

"I am very pleased with how far you have come in your training daughter," your mother declared with just a hint of pride in her eyes.

You felt a small surge of warmth. It was not customary to convey feelings or emotions on your planet, so even this little spark was surprising but welcome. You quickly snapped out of your trance and excused yourself to go shower. Even though you enjoyed sparring with your mother you found yourself wondering as you walked down the expanse of beige hallways if you would ever be given a challenge. Some excitement for a change. Having arrived at your room you alerted the maid that you would be taking a shower and that you wished to be left alone. Being a princess had its perks; prying maids was not one of them. You stripped off your clothing and entered the shower, the water a welcome feeling on your skin after a long day. You let your mind wander as you finished washing your hair and body, finally turning the water off and stepping out of the shower wrapping yourself in a warm towel. You checked the time. 6:00, thirty minutes until dinner which gave you plenty of time to meditate. You dressed and headed outside to the garden. You had a special area out of plain sight that was quiet enough for you to meditate. You had been taught the ways of force at a young age when your sensitivity had been discovered. You sat cross-legged and closed your eyes while attempting to clear your mind. It was not hard, your life was relatively boring and your only worry was inevitably becoming Queen of Malachor. After clearing your mind you sought out the future. Balck nothingness suddenly turned into a frenzy. You were bombarded by black clouds passing over you like waves. Millions of voices whispered to you all at one time but they were imperceptible. You gasped and pulled yourself out of this vision. Never had your future been so cloudy and what was worse, you sensed something. Something truly terrifying. An end.

///

Dinner was quiet as always. There was little to discuss. Visitors were few and very far between on Malachor. Many still believed the planet to be dead and uninhabited. This was thanks to your great-grandmother who had discovered the planet to once again be habitable and so she settled here with other women seeking to be trained as impartial warriors. There were no men on Malachor but women were free to come and go as they liked and were free to procreate if they so desired. If the child was a boy, it was sent away. You had seen men occasionally on missions with fellow Malachorans but had never possessed the desire to procreate.

Your mother broke the silence solemnly saying your name, "Some of our warriors returned from a mission today reporting rumors of a war on the horizon."

You rolled your eyes. This was typical of the galaxy. Rarely were wars not happening. "I'm not surprised. But as always, I assume that we will stay out of it?" You silently wondered if this would be your chance to go on another mission.

"I worry that we may not have the option. We have been lucky to be undiscovered for so many years, but everything must come to an end. I fear this secret will not last much longer."

The word end replayed in your head like a broken record. "I sensed it," you whispered. "An end".

Your mother nodded solemnly. "This is what you have been training for your entire life. But remember we must not compromise our neutrality. It is the very foundation that your great-grandmother built this planet on."

Dinner was finished in thoughtful silence. Your mother only said two words to you when you excused yourself to bed: "Be ready".


	2. Consider

Your dream that night was particularly disturbing. You were in a blurry room. You could tell it was in the castle by the beige walls, but you did not know where. A faceless person was standing by you. You went to ask them what was going on but suddenly they crumpled to the ground. You rushed to help them crying out and holding them as their body became lifeless in your arms. What was going on? Who was this person? You lay them gently on the ground and stood up. Suddenly the blurriness of the dream crystallized and you saw them. Your hands were bright red with the blood of the nameless dead body...

You awoke with a jolt startling the maid who was attempting to wake you. She tried to calm you as your breathing slowly returned to a normal pace. You murmured an apology to the now white-faced maid before taking notice of the garment laying in her arms. You realized it was a one-shoulder grey dress. Dresses were only ever worn on special occasions or when there were visitors and even then they were only ever grey, a symbol of Malachoran neutrality. The maid, noticing your apparent confusion, offered an explanation.

"You have a visitor," she stated plainly.

A visitor? When your mother had warned you to be ready you had not anticipated needing to this quickly. "Who is it?"

"I do not know much just that he will be arriving shortly and that you are to be at your mother's side upon his arrival," she clarified.

You sighed. No good ever came out of male interactions. Men were sporadic and often filled with jealous rage. The maid assisted you in pulling the dress over your head and buttoned up the back. You put your hair into a braided bun and inserted pearl earrings into your ears before striding down the endless hallways towards the main entrance where you found your mother in a grey dress similar to yours. 

"Who is he," you inquired, fixing your dress so that it was perfectly creased.

Your mother shook her head, "He is the leader of the First Order, a side in this new war. I do not know much, only that there are rumors he walks in the Dark Side of the force."

You sighed. The Dark Side was laced with anger and hatred, unlike anything you had known. But yet you still found it more enticing than the Light Side. Regardless you must be, as always, neutral.

Before you had even finished pondering these thoughts a ship entered the atmosphere and then landed on the main street outside the large palace doors. The door hissed open followed by four troopers in white armor. They divided allowing a man in all black wearing a mask to step off the shuttle. You knew this must be the man you had been anticipating.

He approached your mother and gave a small bow, "Queen Antinea, I am Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order." His voice was deep and threatening through the synthesizer. He turned to you. "And you are?"

You sucked in a small breath and calmly told him your name. You fought to keep your face unreadable as your mind was filled with curiosity.

"Thank you for coming. Please follow me to the meeting room," your mother walked down the hall with an aura of dominance radiating from herself. You attempted to mimic that attitude.

Your mother offered the Commander a seat across from you at the long oak table in the castle's meeting room and took her own seat at the end. She got straight to business: "to what do we owe the pleasure?"

"I was very interested to find out that Malachor was no longer inhabitable as I had previously thought. I needed to see it for myself."

You internalized an eye roll. Such a vague answer was to be expected from a man. And of course, he hides behind a mask. That mask is so ridiculous. Almost as if he had heard your thoughts, he took off his mask and sat it next to him staring blankly into your eyes. His hair was stark black which complemented his gorgeous brown eyes. His face was almost intoxicating but it was also, strangely, familiar. It reminded you of a kind woman who had visited for a brief time when you were younger, seeking peace for herself and allies for the Resistance.

You straightened your back and kept your face and mind unreadable. "Well now that you have seen our planet you can be on your way," you replied, receiving a small kick from your mother.

Kylo smirked and leaned forward in his chair in what seemed to be a challenge. "Well, there is also the small issue of war. We need allies and this planet of female warriors seems like a rather significant candidate."

"We do not engage in war. We are a non-partisan people," the queen interjected.

Kylo sat up in his chair apparently dismayed at the response he had received. "I warn you to consider. The First Order is not someone you say no to."

Your mother laughed mirthlessly, "And I warn you not to cross us. We are a people of warriors. Do you really want to waste millions of troops on a peaceful planet?"

Kylo considered for a second then stood up and faced the queen "I see you are a formidable adversary, but I encourage you to reconsider. The First Order is capable of more than you know." 

He put on his helmet and marched out of the room leaving your mother and you to ponder his last words "The First Order is capable of more than you know."


	3. Depart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Blood, Death

Dinner had been delayed an hour so by the time you got to the dining room, you were starving. It had been a long day filled with military preparations, war tactic meetings, and intensive training. The second Kylo Ren's mysterious figure had left the atmosphere of Malachor your mother had begun phase 1 of defensive strategies: readiness. Guard duty was doubled, all women were put on alert, and all safe rooms were made ready in case of an attack.

You sat across from your mother who was struggling to keep the worry lines from staying etched on her face. A maid came in to bring more drinks for you and your mother. Your mother raised an eyebrow and turned her shoulders to face the woman. 

"Are you new?" A strange question for mother to ask but she was right, you had never seen this maid before.

"Oh no my queen." the girl's face had whitened, obviously nervous. "I normally work in the kitchen or with the seamstress but your regular maid was sick so I filled in for her."

Your mother raised an eyebrow but then waved her hand, excusing the maid from the room. You chuckled lightly. "Mother you are so on edge. Calm down."

She stared at you fiercely then replied, "one can never be too careful my child." She examined her food. "I-" she struggled to formulate her thoughts. "There is so much I have yet to teach you yet I fear we haven't enough time. I... I want you to know that I believe you will be a wonderful queen someday. You have the potential to bring everlasting peace not just to Malachor, but to the galaxy. Your power is greater than you know." Having said what she needed to she quickly downed her drink and dug into the pot roast in front of her.

You were shocked at what she had said. Affection of any kind was frowned upon in Malachor, and your mother had shown it twice in one week. You finished your meal and stood to walk out of the hall with your mother. As she began walking toward the large double doors that led out of the dining hall, she stopped grabbing onto the dining table, trying to steady her suddenly shaky self. 

You turned, "mother are you ok?"

The queen tried to speak but she could not. Suddenly she fell to the floor. You rushed over pulling her into your arms. She was shaking violently. She began coughing harshly into her hands and you panicked.

"Someone please help!"

You yelled and screamed until a few warriors entered the room rushing to assess the situation, but by then it was too late. You held your mother's hands as you rocked her lifeless body in shock. You stared into her cold, dead eyes. Your mind searched to find any sign of life but you knew it was pointless. Your mother was gone. After much encouragement, you lay your mother on the ground, closing her eyes and allowing the warriors to take her away. You realized your hands were clammy and went to wipe them on your dress but then you saw it: the blood. A wave of deja vu attacked your brain as you realized, doubling over. You had seen this happening and yet, you couldn't prevent it.

///

The next week passed in a blur. Much of the time you spent staring at the ceiling in your room. Your mother's funeral had been beautiful. It was customary for women on Malachor who had bled while dying to have more elaborate funerals. Her body was burned out of respect, and her ashes scattered in the garden of ancestors. The traditional week of mourning was almost over, bringing your worst fear to light: you were the queen. Of course, the coronation would not occur until tomorrow, but the fact still remained. Your mother's last words rang in your head like a reminder, "Your power is greater than you know". You could not mess up. You could not let your mother down. You pulled yourself out of bed and walked to the meeting room. It was time for you to prepare your speech. You sat and wrote for what seemed like hours, struggling to find the words for what you wanted to say. Your eyes drooped from the little sleep you had gotten this week and you finally closed your eyes, falling into a deep sleep that you had gone without since before your mother died. 

You saw nothing but black in your dream. You walked through your dreamscape enjoying the silence. Suddenly a familiar face appeared. You struggled to identify through the blurriness but as you neared you realized it was the face of Kylo Ren. Words came out of his mouth but they were not his own, they were your mothers: "Be ready". 

You awoke with a jolt and realized that the sun was streaming through the windows. You hadn't meant to fall asleep. You rushed to your room finding your frantic maid. 

"Your majesty I was so worried! We must hurry! You wouldn't want to be late for your own coronation!"

You sighed and nodded, bracing yourself for the day to come. It was time to become Queen.


	4. Ascend

You straightened your dress nervously as you waited behind the large double doors that led to the platform where the coronation would be held. A steady stream of ships had been arriving all morning. The few planets who knew of Malachor's existence were curious. It wasn't every day that the queen of a peaceful planet was assassinated. You read over your speech for the thousandth time. Everything must be right. You needed to make your mother proud. You were snapped from your worry trance when six warriors approached you. They were your ladies in waiting, well, your warriors in waiting.

"It is time my queen," The warrior you knew to be Adira had spoken with such concern it startled you.

You straightened yourself and turned to address the warriors. "Do not worry about me. No one would dare attempt anything. Not with the number of people here today." 

Even as you said it you realized you were not certain. What if someone was here to finish the job? You shook the thought from your head and smoothed your white and grey dress. This dress was very symbolic to the Malachorans. The white represented your 'marriage' to your people and that you would commit yourself to their well being until 'death do you part'. Just as your mother had done. The grey symbolized, of course, the unbreaking neutrality you must have. You took a deep breath and allowed the warriors to open the doors before stepping onto the platform; your warriors pulled into formation behind you in two lines, flanking your sides. Your lightsaber glinted from its place on the belt around your waist, a reminder to every one of your status and power. The coronation went off without a hitch. You were crowned and the crowd chanted your name as you stepped to the podium, your crisp note cards waiting for you in anticipation.

You cleared your throat, "Thank you. It is with great regret that I must become queen without my mother, Queen Antinea, at my side."

The crowd responded with the customary chant: 'Queen Antinea, may she rest in peace'.

You nodded solemnly and continued. "But she would not want us to mourn, she would not want us to cry. She would want us to avenge her with greater ferocity than those who killed her exhibited." A loud cheer came from the crowd and you paused, waiting for them to calm down. Finally, they were quiet again. "Queen Antinea was murdered in cold blood and we will not stop until her killer is found and brought to justice," you declared with such authority that it almost startled you. "If you know anything about this occurrence and do not come forward, you will be convicted of treason and sentenced to death." You paused staring the people down before giving a small smile. "Thank you, my people." 

You strode off stage and into the castle, heading for the ballroom where celebrations were being held. You wanted so badly to be done with the day. You despised parties and festivities. 

Adira hastened to catch up with you. "My queen there is something you must know," she said frantically while pulling you into the meeting room. She was panting from her chase after you, clearly distressed. "That mysterious maid," Adira wheezed, "we questioned her. She admitted to poisoning your mother's drink." Before you could react she steadied her breathing and continued, "We tortured her into telling us who she was working for," she paused.

"And? Who is it?" Your eyes were red with anger. Whoever was responsible would be facing your wrath, and you were ready.

"The First Order," she said soberly. 

You scanned her face for any hint that she may be lying to you but her face was stone. Before you could even think your lightsaber was in your hand ignited as you cut through the table with one swift stroke. You used the force to throw chairs against the wall watching as they crumpled to the floor. The First Order? You knew that this was war.

Adira backed up, knowing that she must continue. "Your majesty. There is something else. He is here," she paused, "Commander Kylo Ren is here."


	5. Blame

If you hadn't just destroyed the meeting room you would have suggested that Ren be escorted there immediately. Instead, you decided on the next best thing. 

"Put him in my study." You went to leave the room, "and watch him until I get there. I don't want him snooping around." 

You hastened towards the ballroom. As much as you hated parties, you knew you could not be completely absent from your own. The crowd bowed giving a 'your majesty' when you entered the large ornate room. You smiled gracefully and began to speak. "Thank you all for supporting me during this time. Please begin celebrating. I must attend to a quick issue and then I will be happy to join you all." The music and laughter continued as you gracefully exited. 

You could sense the power radiating from Kylo Ren as you neared the door to your study. You struggled to calm your anger. You knew your body language must convey that you were in charge. You stopped outside the wooden door to your study working to make your mind and body blank and uncaring. You took a breath and advanced in. 

You acknowledged the two warriors awaiting your command, "Adira and Isa you are excused". They nodded and exited swiftly. 

You turned to Kylo Ren crossing your arms.he was wearing the same black clothing but you noticed that he was not wearing his helmet. Forcing you to stare at his gorgeous face. You caught yourself, I don't care. I hate this man.

Kylo bowed to you. "Your majesty."

Was this mockery? You slammed the door shut with your will, never moving an inch. Your lightsaber was out in a flash. You advanced towards him pointing the silver blade to his chest. "You dare come to my planet and mock me? After orchestrating the death of my mother?" Your eyes were unwavering fireballs forcing Ren to answer.

A small wave of confusion passed over Kylo's face. "I did no such thing," he said sternly backing into a bookshelf causing a book to fall to the ground.

This made you madder. You were so close to his chest you swore you could hear his heart beating. "We discovered the maid that poisoned my mother. She told us she was working for the First Order. Do not lie to me." You wanted to puncture his lung right there but something stopped you. Part of you knew he was not faking his confusion.

"I cannot tell you for sure that this was not the First Order's doing," he glowered. "But I can tell you that I did not approve of this course of action." He edged himself out from behind the bookcase, escaping the corner you had him in. "I would be more than happy to investigate this for you," he said lowly.

You extinguished your lightsaber and moved to sit in the large chair behind your desk. You continued to watch him, wanting so badly to see in his eyes that he was lying so you could just cut him in two and be done with it all. But you saw nothing. You pondered for a second. "No, I think I will investigate this." You dared him to disagree with you. "I will have a maid prepare you a room. We leave at sunrise." Before he could respond you rang for the maid and gave her clear instructions, exiting the room with a powerful stride. 

The rest of the day went on rather quickly but through it all, you could not shake the strange feeling you had. You met with your warriors in waiting, informing them of the plan. They strongly discouraged this course of action. 

In order to appease them, you compromised. "I will take Isa and Lenna. Adira you must stay here and carry out my wishes as queen. We will have meetings twice a week while I am away." You paused looking at their solemn faces. "I know it is not ideal but it is what must happen. Do you all understand?" 

They nodded seriously and left for their stations after you dismissed them. You called for Isa and Lenna to wait. "Pack only what is necessary. Bring one weapon of your choice and only a few outfits. The First Order can supply anything else you may need." Before dismissing them you imparted one more instruction, "I know it is customary for us to wear grey but I want the First Order to understand exactly why we are there. Continue to wear your black mourning attire." 

They left the room quickly, eager to pack for the trip yet to come. As you paced towards your room you noticed a figure in all black leaning against the wall. He was reading a book from your library you realized. You cared little of the book but if he thought that he could just take anything he wanted to, he was very wrong. You possessed the intense need to assert your dominance over this ignorant boy. You reached out your hand causing the book to fly out of his hands and into yours. You could feel the smirk on his lips as you strolled away acting as if nothing had happened. What an asshole.

Once in your room, you showered and put on nightclothes before packing. You hoped that the First Order had seamstresses. You had only a few appropriate outfits for this type of ordeal. Finally, you crawled into bed finally focusing on the feeling that had been nagging you all day. You worried that nothing would be the same once you embarked on this mission. Would the First Order kill you too? No. They wouldn't dare. You brushed off your fears and drifted off to sleep, allowing your mind to wander through the blank slate of your dreams.


	6. Provoke

Sunrise was inevitable but you still avoided it like the plague. By the time it came around you had been awake for a few hours reviewing the proper protocol that the castle would use while you were away. You sat in your study going over every single detail with a fine-toothed comb. Adira was still unsure of the plan and had encouraged you to reconsider numerous times. You knew that it was too late to change your mind and part of you knew that you did not want to. You were drawn to the mystery of the First Order like a bug to a light. You sighed. And then there was Kylo Ren. A boy who you found rather annoying. Yet he still took up an unallowable amount of your thoughts (the allowable amount being not at all). 

"You know your castle has a lot of hallways," Kylo had appeared from what seemed like thin air.

It took every piece of your effort to not jump out of your skin at the sound of his voice, but you kept yourself composed turning to address the dark expanse of Kylo Ren. "You know you could knock," you retorted boldly before standing and stepping towards him.

Kylo drank in your body like a hungry tiger. Your black dress was plain but you hoped it accented your commanding attitude. His eyes traveled to your hips and you grabbed his chin, forcing him to stare into your eyes. You were so close to him that you could feel the warmth of his breath on your neck. "My face is up here pretty boy," you spat in his face. 

You let go of his jaw and stepped over to your desk straightening the stray papers. Remembering how he had rudely taken a book from your shelf you plucked it off your desk, making a scene of returning the book Kylo had stolen the night before to its rightful place on the shelf. Kylo stared at you, shock lining his eyebrows. You figured that not many people told Commander Ren no. You could almost hear him considering whether or not to destroy you. Let him try you thought before pushing past Ren indicating that he should follow you out of the study. 

You escorted Ren towards the front door where Lenna and Isa were waiting at attention by the ship. You signaled them to flank you and strode up the ramp taking a seat on one of the two benches in the back. Kylo strode up the ramp.

"Where is your pilot? I don't want to be left waiting," you instructed coldly.

Kylo Ren laughed as if you had just said the stupidest thing he had ever heard. "My Queen, I am the pilot." Your icy eyes warned him against embarrassing you in front of your warriors. He noticed where you were sitting and continued, "I insist you sit in the cockpit. It is much more fit for her majesty." His eyes bore into waiting for a response.

You sighed, moving gracefully to sit next to him in the cockpit. "Can we leave now?"

Seeming happy to have gotten his way, Kylo turned and fiddled with some knobs. You heard the engines rumble to life and just like that you were climbing into the sky. As you observed the sky you had an overwhelming feeling. You closed your eyes, examining the emotion. Your senses told you that you would not see Malachor again for a while. The ship exited the atmosphere and jumped to hyperspace, your home planet becoming a fleeting speck in the distance. You saw the beautiful galaxy flying in front of your eyes. It had been almost a year since you had gone on a mission and the expanse of space was a welcome contrast to meeting rooms and gravestones. After a few minutes, the shuttle exited hyperspace approaching the largest ship you had ever seen. Your eyes grew wide before you forced them back into your skull, regaining your composure. Kylo turned on the landing gears pulling the shuttle into a large hangar.

"Welcome to The Finalizer." Kylo studied your disinterested expression before leaving the cockpit signaling that you should follow suit. He let down the ramp and marched off. You realized as you followed him that his legs were very long and you struggled to keep up. The ship was huge. Every hallway had the same metal interior with doors hidden into the walls. While walking you noticed the large amount of men. Having only seen a few men in your life, the numerous ones on the ship were slightly overwhelming. You pondered that thought until finally, Ren stopped at a door in a long corridor like all the others but with just one other door at the end. He pressed a button and suddenly the hatch opened revealing a dark hallway that led to a kitchen and had doors to two rooms that you figured were the bedroom and bathroom. 

"Your chambers," he stated plainly. "Your ladies chambers are on the staff floor. I will have someone show them." And just like that, he left.

You settled into your room and then went with your ladies to find their rooms. A trooper dressed in white armor then escorted you back to your chambers. You decided to check on Adira. You sat at the metal kitchen table and turned on your transmitter. Adira popped up, her hologram providing some light to the desolate room.

"My Queen," Adira acknowledged. "How is the plan going?"

You sighed, "this base is huge. I fear anyone battling the First Order is no match for them."

Adira nodded glumly, "your mother feared as much, but we had hoped our fears would be in vain."

You straightened your back, "No matter. We have no intentions of war. I am here for answers and that is it." 

Suddenly the chamber door flew open and the dark physique of Kylo Ren entered your quarters. You quickly ended your transmission with Adira while jumping out of your seat.

"Umm come in I guess," you jabbed

Kylo Ren, safe once again behind his mask, gave no retort. "The general wishes to meet with you."


	7. Negotiate

Kylo led you down the endless corridors before finally ushering you into a large room containing a long sleek-black table that could easily seat twenty people. At the front of the room stood a red-haired man. Immediately you took back every time you had thought of Kylo Ren as childish. The red-haired man had a frown so sour you suspected that if he did not get his way, he would go cry to his mother. 

"Welcome Queen," he said your name with a hint of mockery but you refused to show any reaction. "I am General Hux. Please sit." He motioned to the chair closest to his and you sat. He gave you a bored look, "let's just skip the niceties and get down to business, shall we?"

You sat forward using the same challenging technique that Ren had once tried on you. "I am here for one thing, and one thing only. I want to know who gave the order for my mother to be assassinated." You stared daggers at him, encouraging him to try and fool you.

Hux raised an eyebrow, "I have no knowledge of a plan to take your mother's life. If it did not come from me or Ren it did not come from the First Order."

"I have intel that states otherwise," you demanded. "I am not leaving until I have found what I am looking for."

Hux sighed. "I simply cannot have you just wondering around my battle station interrogating whoever you want whenever you want. You may not have noticed Your Majesty, but we are at war."

What are you going to do about it? Try and stop me? Or are you just going to go cry to your mommy? You thought loudly to yourself.

Kylo Ren who had been silently enjoying this interaction released a soft laugh that was distorted through his synthesizer. Your face reddened. He had heard you. 

He sat forward and offered a compromise, "I will keep an eye on the queen while she conducts her investigation."

You shot out of your chair, "Absolutely not! I do not need a babysitter, thank you."

Hux laughed at you, "you are what, 16? Barely mature enough to be queen and yet you think that you can tell me what to do?"

Your blood was boiling, "and you are what, 40? And yet you are still not mature enough to be leading an army." You stared at him with your piercing eyes wanting no more to run him through with the saber at your side.

He held his ground. "Either you allow Ren to escort you or I will have to ask you to leave."

Without another word you stomped out of the room heading down a vacant hallway. You knew that you had no clue how to get back to your chambers, but your stubbornness prevented you from asking for help. You heard the sound of boots behind you, Kylo Ren was on your heels in no time. Stupid long legs. Kylo grabbed your arm causing you to whirl around.

"Don't touch me," you snapped at him.

He released your arm. "Is it really so bad that I escort you around?" His tone indicated that he felt you were being overdramatic.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest, refusing to give up any ground. "I can do it myself, thank you. Now if you will excuse me I am going back to my chambers." You tried to push past Kylo but he grabbed your shoulders.

"That's funny," he breathed into your ear, "because your room is that way," he pointed in the direction you had just left.

You were so startled that you said nothing. Kylo gently turned you around and led the way as he took you through the countless hallways until he came upon the door that was yours. You noticed that two troopers in all white were stationed outside of the door.

"These are stormtroopers. If you need anything they are here to attend to you, but try to stay in your room." He walked away and you watched as his cape flowed behind him. It was concerning that you were so curious about him. You turned to the stormtroopers.

"Please fetch my warriors and have them brought here." 

You turned and walked into the dark hall and stopped in the kitchen. Food had been laid out for dinner and you realized how hungry you were. You sat down and ate. Finally, Isa and Lenna arrived bowing before you nodded for them to sit. 

"That man, Kylo Ren. I am curious about his intentions. I want you to watch him. When I am not with him I want to know exactly what he is doing and planning. And he mustn't know what you two are doing." With that, you stood up."Feel free to stay and eat but I want your work to start tonight."

You walked into the bathroom and shut the door, stripping off your clothing before stepping into the shower. The warmth eased your tense muscles and you found yourself surprisingly calm. You felt safe, a feeling you had not felt in a while. How could you feel safe on an unfamiliar ship with people you did not know? You sighed, burying your thoughts and focusing on the water as it ran down your body. You had to be at your best tomorrow. You had to prove to everyone that you were the most powerful person on this starship. More powerful than even Commander Ren.


	8. Proceed

You awoke to the sound of a crunch. Confused, you sat up in bed rubbing your eyes. The black room did nothing to help you focus. No one was there. You sighed and got out of bed, opening the door and stepping into the kitchen. You gasped when you saw a person in the kitchen. Kylo Ren sat at the kitchen table with his helmet resting beside him as he sunk his teeth into a dark red apple. You realized that you were only wearing a nightgown and quickly crossed your arms. His eyes laughed at your vain attempt to cover your cold nipples.

"Have you ever heard of privacy," you asked turning and walking back into your bedroom to change leaving the door open so you could scold him. You pulled on a dress as you waited for him to respond.

"No, I haven't actually."

You peeked your head out of the closet to stare at him. "Oh, so you think you're funny? How long have you been sitting there?" You ducked back into the closet avoiding his gorgeous brown eyes. You mentally slapped yourself. Stop it.

"Stop what?" Kylo had gotten up and was now standing in your doorway. 

You walked out of your closet fully clothed and gave him a look. "Don't avoid my question." 

You went to leave your room but Kylo stepped in front of you, blocking your path. "Don't avoid my question either,' he said lowly. "Stop what?"

You laughed. "It does not concern you." Of course, it absolutely did concern him but you refused to give anything away. "Now if you will excuse me," you tried to push him out of the way but he did not budge. You sighed, he was so annoying. You decided that two could play at this game. You moved your hair from your back to your shoulders and stepped towards him. You turned around revealing the unzipped back of your dress to him. You turned your neck to look at him, "If you won't move you might as well zip me up."

Kylo hesitated for a second but then took his large fingers and pulled the zipper from your hips all the way up to your shoulders fingers caressing the skin on the back of your neck before dropping to his side. You took this moment to your advantage and pushed past him into the kitchen, fighting the electricity that had shot through your veins. You forced your mind to be blank as you picked out an energy bar and headed towards the bathroom to fix your hair.

"Would you tell the stormtroopers to summon my warriors?"

Kylo said nothing but you heard the door open so you assumed that he was honoring your request. Isa and Lenna arrived in no time and assisted you in fixing your hair. Eyes questioning why Commander Ren was in your room. You shrugged trying to indicate that you were as clueless as them. You walked out of the bathroom with a look that told Kylo Ren you knew exactly how attractive you were, and that you hope he suffers while having to 'babysit' you every day.

Kylo put his helmet on, "Took you long enough," and headed for the door. Isa and Lenna flanked behind you, prepared to strike down anyone who tried to harm their queen. 

///

The week went by in a blur. Every day almost the same. Kylo in your room when you woke. You questioning and threatening anyone and everyone. Surprisingly, Kylo had made no more advances since that first day. Surprisingly or sadly? Your brain thought as you tried to fall asleep. You couldn't deny that Ren had become more attractive to you, especially when he had let you threaten one commanding officer with your lightsaber so close to the poor woman's head that you singed her eyebrows. The thought reminded you of your failure in the past week. You had gotten absolutely nothing. The only one who had benefitted from the interrogations was Kylo who had managed to weed out a group of officers involved in a smuggling ring. Promptly impaling them with his lightsaber. You had been waiting for him to kill someone since you had landed. Surprisingly, it had not bothered you at all. In fact, a small voice in your brain wondered, had you liked it? You sighed and resolved yourself to sleep. 

///

You were running down the halls of the Finalizer until you reached the room with the long black table. In it were only two people: Hux and Ren. 

"She will never agree," Ren shouted at Hux. Voice sending shivers down your spine.

"She has no choice," Hux retorted.

"She will not like this," Ren responded firmly.

What won't I like you tried to ask but your voice was silent.

"She will do what is best for her and her planet." 

Ren raised his hand toward Hux and Hux gasped. You realized Kylo was choking him.

"No. This discussion is over."

Your dream vanished and you awoke with a startle. Your mind was racing with questions. You had to know what that was about. You stood up and went into the closet, pulling on the most seductive dress you owned which was still, rather disappointing. You walked into the kitchen and noticed Ren was not here yet. It must be early. You sat at the kitchen table, prepared to strike. You needed answers. This time you would be waiting for him.


	9. Disagree

Kylo sauntered into your room ego crowding the hallway. He stopped when he saw you sitting in a chair, fully clothed, staring daggers into his soul. Before he could make a snarky comment you attacked.

"I won't like what?"

Confused, Kylo sat in the chair across from yours. "I have no clue what you are talking about." He rolled his eyes, apparently bored of your outbursts.

You stopped. The idea of explaining to Kylo Ren that you had dreamt of him was so embarrassing you were tempted to impale yourself on your own saber. You quickly thought up a plausible story.

"My warriors decided to explore the ship last night and they heard you talking to Hux. You said I wouldn't agree to it. What won't I agree to?"

A wave of realization crossed over his face. "I-" he stammered. "It isn't my place to tell you." His eyes turned stony, "And regardless, I told Hux no."

That was not a good enough answer for you. "I deserve to know. Tell me," you demanded.

He pushed back. "It is none of your concern. The idea in itself has been torn down." He paused, noticeably uncomfortable about the conversation. "It was stupid anyway," he mumbled almost to himself.

You shot out of your seat while simultaneously slamming your hands onto the metal table. "Bull. Shit. If you two are going to have a conversation about me, I deserve to know what was said!"

Kylo stood calmly crossing his arms and advancing towards you until the only thing between the two of you was fabric. He towered over you menacingly, "I am not repeating it," he said forcefully. "If you want to know you will have to hear it from Hux." He grinned, an idea coming to his mind. "I would be more than happy to escort you to him."

You were shocked at the sudden advance. Words eluded you, so instead, you nodded firmly. Kylo proceeded to walk out your door and continue down the eternal loop of hallways. Your warriors had found you and quickly flanked your sides. You would have to fill them in later. Hux was on the bridge bellowing orders to the officers below. This man is so insufferable.

"Yes, he is," Kylo stated plainly before advancing towards Hux. "General Hux. Her majesty would like to hear about our conversation from last night."

Hux stopped in his tracks, turning to face Ren. "How does she know of our conversation," he hissed.

"It would seem that we have two curious ladies onboard our star destroyer." Kylo turned his face indicating the curious ladies to be Isa and Lenna, who did not even raise an eyebrow.

Hux stared them down as if he wished that he also had the ability to force choke. Finally, he sighed, "let's take this...party somewhere else."

Hux strolled into the meeting room and you dismissed your ladies to wait outside before closing the door and walking toward the far end of the table.

"Sit," Hux ordered.

You crossed your arms forcing your eyes to be icy and unrelenting. "No."

Hux rolled his eyes before sitting down. "We seem to be having some trouble with allies. We need as many as we can get and even the ones we have are growing uncertain. We need to do something that releases a statement. Our allies need to be sure of our power. Our security." he paused, bracing himself. "So we thought," he stuttered as Kylo shot him an intense look, "I thought, that it was time for the galaxy's most important bachelor to tie the knot." He studied your face before finishing his thought. "And who better to tie it with than the warrior queen of a not-so-dead planet?"

Realization cut across your face like a sharp dagger. You had not even realized you were attacking Hux until Kylo pulled you back, his body dwarfing yours as he kept you from ending the General's life.

"You would dare," you yelled as you tried to break from Kylo's grip. "Am I really nothing to you but a chess piece in the First Order's elaborate game?" You weren't thinking as you seethed from ear to ear. "I am no one's wife, especially not Ren's." Kylo's grip on you loosened in reaction to your words and you escaped him long enough to give Hux a good wallop to the right eye. Kylo grabbed you and pushed you out of the room pulling you down infinite hallways, Isa and Lenna trailing behind you slightly concerned and very confused. 

Kylo placed you in your room and turned to your ladies, "calm her down". They nodded soberly and he left I told you was written all over his face as he exited wordlessly. 

You sat on the floor and allowed your mind to process what had just occurred. Marriage? No one got married on Malachor, and if they chose to leave the planet for love everyone knew that it was serious. But then why was one small part of your brain entertaining the idea? You hated that you could see yourself being married to Ren, you hated that he dominated your thoughts, and most importantly, you hated that he had been right. It would have been better had you not known. Isa handed you a glass of water and sat beside you.

You sighed. "I... I think about him... A lot." They deserved to know. They were responsible for your life.

"Ren?" Lenna inquired softly. 

"Yes," you whispered. "I know that it's so stupid. He is nothing but a man. But few men pose such a great challenge to me." You put your face in your hands.

Isa patted you on the shoulder. "It isn't stupid Your Majesty. You are entitled to your feelings."

"I say you make him fall madly in love with him and then when you get bored, kill him," Lenna stated normally, perched on a chair as if someone would come through the door any second.

"Lenna!" Isa gasped. "Malachorans don't do that anymore."

You chuckled lightly, "I'll make sure to keep that in mind." You thought for a second before speaking again. "Lenna I want you to continue watching Ren but Isa, I want you to watch Hux. I don't trust him," you said gravely.

They nodded. 

"Just make sure to not get pregnant," Lenna poked at you

You burst out laughing the very idea hilarious to you. You spent the rest of the day with them telling old stories and laughing about old times when your only worry had been being Queen.


	10. Explore

A few hours after your ladies bid you goodnight you realized that you were not going to be sleeping anytime soon. You decided to take a walk and explore the Finalizer. 

You walked down the steel layered hallways, randomly opening doors to see what was inside. So far you had found two server rooms and a droid repair room. You came across a large hangar and realized that it was the one you had arrived through. You spotted the ship you had traveled in and crept toward it, hoping to be unnoticed by any officers. There was no one inside, thankfully, so you went and sat in the cockpit examining the large panel of indiscernible buttons. You sighed. If only you could fly this big piece of metal far away, escaping all your problems. Footsteps alerted you to another person approaching and you stood up quickly, ready to face them.

A mechanic strolled up the ramp freezing in his tracks when he saw you. "I'm umm... I'm so sorry uh Your Majesty. I didn't know anyone was using this shuttle right now," he bowed awkwardly.

You panicked before regaining your composure. "I was just leaving," you pushed past him strutting off the ramp.

You decided it was time to head back to your room before you got yourself into any actual trouble. You had tried to remember the way as best you could. Left, Right, Left, Left, Right. You followed your memory to the best of your ability until you came upon the hall that looked like yours. There were two doors far apart from each other. Yes! You had done it! You had remembered how to get back. You opened the door and stepped through going towards the bedroom when you stopped cold, realizing the error you had made. Kylo Ren was leaning against the kitchen counter, shirtless, with a glass of water in hand.

Damn. Your eyes were already examining his torso before you could tell them no. Your face turning cherry red. "Damn. Shit! I mean, I uh- I thought this was my room, sorry." Your face examined the suddenly fascinating tile floor.

Kylo set his glass on the table and stepped toward you. You didn't know what to do so you just stood there awkwardly. Chuckling he leaned into your ear, "Your room is down the hallway to the right."

You gulped, "Right. Well uh- sorry to bother you I'll just get going now..." Your traitorous body refused to move.

Kylo said nothing. He stepped behind you causing you to whirl around and then advanced towards you. Your back hit the edge of the countertop and you realized he had you cornered.

"Not many people can tell me no," he declared. "But you evidently think that you can"

"That's why you're so stuck up," you retorted quickly. "But someone needs to put you in your place." You were not about to let him win.

"And you think that person is you?"

You stood up straight still only reaching to his shoulders. You were emboldened by his question. "As a matter of fact I do," you put one finger on his chest. "In fact," you ran the finger down his muscular arm, "I think I can make you do whatever," you put both hands on his chest, "I," you inched your body into his, "want."

Kylo hoisted you onto the countertop before you could say another word, his lips crashing into yours. He kissed you ferociously as his hands tried to explore every inch of your body. You grabbed them. "Did I say you could do that," you whispered seductively. Kylo moaned into your mouth as he attacked it once again. You placed his hands on your waist and kissed back forcefully, tongue exploring his mouth as you wrapped your legs around him forcing him into you. He pulled away leaning into your neck and kissing the sensitive skin. You gasped. He took that as encouragement and traveled further down onto your collarbone. As he kissed your chest he began to suck but you pulled away. 

"No marks," you whispered breathlessly.

He nodded and traveled further down. You unzipped your dress partially, allowing him full access to your chest. His hungry eyes taking in your breasts like his next meal. He leaned in, mouth traveling from your collarbone to your breast. He latched on starting to suck but you laughed before pushing him back so that you could get down and quickly zipped up your dress. He needed to know who was in charge. 

"Maybe another time," you laughed, walking out of his room without another look back. You smiled to yourself. You had Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order wrapped around your finger. And you loved it.


	11. Decide

You slept on and off all night, finally sighing and getting up. You pulled on a dress realizing that you would soon have to wear the old ones again or get new ones. You would bring it up to Kylo later. Kylo. You weren't sure what to do about him. Was the moment you had shared last night going to become normal? You shook your head. No. It was a one-time thing. It had been completely stupid of you to put yourself in that position. You would be professional. So what, he had seen your boobs? Big deal. 

You decided the best thing to do was to meditate and push all these thoughts out of your head. You instructed the stormtroopers standing guard outside of your room that you wanted no visitors then closed the door behind you. You went into the hallway and sat cross-legged with your hands clasped together in your lap. You cleared your mind and sought out the present. You urged your mind to travel to Malachor. Your mind obeyed and the planet came into view. Beautiful green grass and blue rivers welcomed you. Warmth filled you even though you were still on the Finalizer. You walked along the grass watching the flowers sway in the wind. As much as you would have liked to stay there forever, your mind was brought back to the ship. You saw Ren standing outside of your chambers, frowning at the stormtroopers.

"I am your Commander! If I want to go in then I will," he ordered, pushing the stormtroopers aside and flaunting into your room. 

Your mind watched him but your body stayed still, pretending not to notice the unwelcome intruder. He observed you for a minute before using the force to lift you up. Your eyes popped open in shock wondering where this burst of rage had come from. He regarded you, helpless, before leaning forward, fire in his eyes.

"You are a guest aboard my ship, eating the food I provide for you, sleeping in a bed because I allow you to," he spat. "I could kick you off right now. So from now on, what I say is final. Do you understand?"

Your blood was boiling. You went to argue back but suddenly the door opened. Ren dropped you and stomped out the door. Isa took his place in front of you, frantic.

"What is it, Isa?" Her face told you that whatever troubled her was not good.

She drew deep breathes, struggling to calm down. "We have a problem," she wheezed. "General Hux has revealed to his allies the true nature of Malachor. He openly encouraged them to visit and... to rob the planet blind."

You weren't necessarily shocked at Huxes behavior but his aggression had not been expected so soon. 

"We have been preparing for this for years, Isa. The women of Malachor are strong and smart. They would never let anyone, especially a man, take over. We will be ok."

Isa hesitated. "My Queen, do you- do you think that Hux is trying to force you into the... marriage?"

You choked. The thought had not crossed your mind until Isa brought it up but you knew it had to be true. 

"Do you think he would stop... If I- If I married...Ren?"

Isa crossed her arms. "I can't say for sure, but if you made him sign a treaty, he would be forced to honor it to appease the other allies."

You pondered her words. Would you actually do this? Actually get married? To save your people? Absolutely.

"I am going to call Adira and discuss this further with her. Thank you, Isa." 

She nodded and exited as you picked up the transmitter, mashing a button and bringing Adira's body to life with a flash of blue.

"We have a problem Adira."

Adira crossed her arms. "What is it, my queen?"

"Hux has encouraged his allies to cripple Malachor. He has told them to rob and possibly kill my people."

Adira pursed her lips. "We knew that the secret of Malachor would one day be found out. I suppose today is that day."

You sucked in a breath, "Isa thinks I should agree to marry Commander Ren in exchange for the safety of Malachor."

Adira nodded grimly. "Given the circumstances, it might be in the best interest of your people for you to marry the Commander."

You sighed, "I can't make this decision right now. Let's give this issue one week. If things get worse, I will address the idea in full."

"Yes, my queen. I will talk to you at the end of the week, then."

///

The week flew by in a flash of worry and determination. Kylo Ren had left the finalizer on a trip to meet with a rather disobedient ally and had not yet returned, as far as you knew. You spent your time acquainting yourself with Captain Phasma, a woman you had grown to admire over the past week. She taught you the ins and outs of battle strategy and you were able to offer some helpful battle methods that your warriors on Malachor used. You trusted Phasma would never try to use your own battle tactics against you.

The week had regrettably come to an end. Remembering the promise you had made to Adira, you trudged to your chambers. You sighed heavily, bracing yourself as you turned on the transmitter. Adira popped to life in front of you.

"What do you know?"

Adira shook her head soberly, "I'm afraid that I have bad news, my queen. We have had an increase in visitors to Malachor. Many of them are men with rotten intentions."

The news hit you like a rock. You had hoped the situation would resolve itself. You nodded gravely. "I guess that my decision has been made for me then."

Adira looked at you sympathetically. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to Your Majesty. We can find another way."

While she tried to be convincing, Adira's tone gave away what you already secretly knew. There was no other way.

"I am prepared to do what I must for my people. I will talk to you soon, Adira."

You exited your room swiftly giving your heart no time to argue with the decision your brain had already made. You walked down the now familiar hallways scaring anyone who came in your path with the intensity of your stare. You had made it your business over the past week to learn your way around the Finalizer and you were now putting it to good use. You found General Hux in the meeting room with Kylo Ren. He had returned. Your heart panicked but it was too late. The decision had already been made. There was no turning back.

Hux and Ren turned to acknowledge your presence and you solemnly uttered the three words that would change your life forever: "I'll do it."


	12. Marry

Hux raised an eyebrow at you, obviously confused. "You will do what exactly?"

You took a shaky breath, "If you sign a peace treaty with me on behalf of my planet I will..." you forced yourself to choke out the words, "I will marry Ren." Your eyes studied your hands on the table, afraid to see Kylo's reaction. 

Hux chuckled, delighted that he had gotten his way. "I'm glad that you have finally come to your senses, Your Majesty.

Kylo Ren had been sitting motionless, apparently shocked, but finally decided to speak up. "And what if I don't want to marry her?"

Your eyes shot up to stare at him, silently reminding him that not a week ago he'd been sucking on your breast like there was no tomorrow. Having heard you, Kylo grimaced and sat back in his chair.

Hux waved a hand at Kylo dismissing his comment. "What the Commander meant to say was: let's begin the planning immediately."

You nodded coldly, moving to exit before turning back. You might as well say this while Hux was in a good mood. "Oh, and I am also in need of new clothes." 

You walked out of the door and determinedly marched back towards your chambers. You heard your name bellowed behind you and you spun around to face Kylo Ren.

"Do you really want to do this," he questioned. Confusion hung on his face.

"If it means that my planet is once again protected, then yes. I don't like it but my duty is to Malachor and its' well being." You stared at him coldly. It was partially his fault that you were in this mess. He allowed Hux to carry on like a madman. You turned on your heel and walked away, refusing to give Ren the time of day.

///

"There there," Isa patted your back while holding your hair as you hurled your guts into the toilet.

You shook violently. The month of frantic preparation had passed in the blink of an eye. You were getting married today. Never in a million years had you thought you would get married. You weren't really even allowed to. But Malachor's traditions were of no concern to the First Order. You were getting married. At this thought you leaned back into the toilet bowl, vomiting every last bit of your stomach contents in one big heave. 

Lenna stood at the door to the bathroom, guarding you against any invisible predators. "I can go murder him if you want."

You sat back, Isa propping you against herself. You were too exhausted to say anything so you just attempted at a half-smile.

"As much as we would like to murder the Commander, Lenna, you know we cannot," Isa spoke sternly.

Lenna shrugged, "It was worth a try."

Isa nudged you, "Your Majesty I know you are not feeling well but I'm afraid its time to start getting ready.

You nodded and allowed Isa and Lenna to help you from the floor before leaving you. You peeled off the nightgown that was clinging to your clammy body and climbed in the shower. You forced your mind to stay blank. Thinking of the matter any longer was not good for your health. You quickly washed your body before turning off the water and wrapping your body in a towel. You brushed your teeth then walked into your bedroom where Isa and Lenna were waiting with a woman. You assumed that she was the seamstress. On your bed lay a large garment bag. The lady ushered you into a bathrobe before leading you to the kitchen where she had turned the table into a makeshift beauty parlor. Isa worked on drying your hair while the kind-faced lady worked on applying multiple layers of makeup.

Lenna pursed her lips as the lady applied elaborate eyeliner, "Is that really necessary," she questioned. 

The lady said nothing and continued her work. Lenna was right, you thought. It was not customary for your people to wear heavy makeup.

"What is your name," you asked the lady.

"Elizabeth," she replied.

"Elizabeth," you repeated. "Nice to meet you. If you don't mind laying off the makeup I would appreciate that very much. It is not customary for my people to wear very much makeup, even on special occasions."

Elizabeth pursed her lips, "I am simply following orders Your Majesty."

Your face grew warm. "Well, I don't care who gave you that order, I'm ordering you to stop. If they have a problem, they can speak to me."

She nodded and added only minimal effects to your face before putting her brushes down and stepping behind you to fix your newly dried hair. She braided your hair before pulling the braids into a loose bun at the back of her head. Once she was satisfied with her work, she motioned for you to follow her back into your bedroom. She slowly unzipped the garment bag and you gasped. The dress was white with black lace flowers meticulously etched into the fabric.

"It's gorgeous," you whispered.

Elizabeth smiled, "A beautiful dress for a beautiful queen."

You removed your robe. Isa and Lenna assisted you in stepping into the dress, pulling it up over your body. It fit like a glove, accenting your curves perfectly. You looked into the mirror that hung from your closet door. You realized how regal you looked and smiled. 

"Oh yes, that reminds me," Elizabeth exclaimed. "Before I forget, I have one more thing, the finishing touch for this dress." 

She picked up a wooden box that had been resting behind the door. 

You raised an eyebrow, "What is it?"

Elizabeth opened the box revealing a tiara made entirely of black jewels. It was absolutely breathtaking. 

Isa smiled. "It's a thank you gift from your people on Malachor, Your Majesty, it also came with this." She handed you a small black box. You opened it and realized what it was. You immediately closed the box, handing it back to Isa.

"Hold on to that for me, please."

Elizabeth smiled while placing the crown on your head. She circled you examining her handiwork and fixing the small creases in your dress. Finally, she stood, "It is time my queen."

You nodded solemnly while Lena and Isa picked up the back of your dress so that you would not trip. The second you were out of your room a swarm of stormtroopers surrounded you blocking you from anyone's view. They led you down the halls until you came upon a set of black double doors. They stopped, moving so you were standing in front of the doors, waiting nervously for them to open. 

Lenna handed you a bouquet of red and black roses and whispered into your ear, "my offer still stands you know."

You chuckled nervously, wishing so badly that you had just sliced Kylo Ren in half when you had had the chance. 

Isa smiled kindly at you, "Don't be nervous. Remember who you are. You are a powerful warrior queen who is saving her people from a war that they cannot win."

You straightened your shoulders and nodded. You forced your eyes to return to their normal uncaring expression. The doors opened and you walked through them, dress trailing behind you.


	13. Argue

You stepped into the large room. It looked like the hangars on the ship except it was slightly smaller and there was no way to exit into space. People that you did not recognize stood in the aisles, bowing to you. You forced yourself to keep your eyes forward while walking gracefully towards what felt like your imminent doom. But then you saw him. Kylo's hair was combed and he'd obviously washed his face for once. His uniform was freshly ironed making him look even better than you thought was humanly possible. You realized that he was staring intently at you. His awestruck expression made your face turn a light shade of pink. Finally, you were at the altar. You handed Isa your bouquet and turned to face Kylo, gently placing your hands in his. You nervously shivered at the contact and Kylo raised an eyebrow, silently encouraging you to calm down. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself, and gave him a small nod. The officiant began to speak and you were thankful that some small part of your brain was listening and responding while the rest of your brain focused on not puking all over the newly-waxed floor.

"Do you, Queen," the sound of your name snapped you out of your trance. "Take Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order to be your husband?"

You nodded looking sadly into his eyes, wishing at that moment that getting married to him had been your choice and not something he had allowed Hux to force you into.

"I do."

Kylo heard what you were thinking and his eyes hardened.

"Do you, Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order take Queen," you searched Kylo's face for any sign of emotion but could not find even a sliver, "to be your wife?"

"I do."

Kylo placed a ring on your finger and you studied it intently. It had a golden crown-shaped band with black diamonds wrapping all the way around your finger. It was perfect.

"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

You leaned in, awkwardly kissing Kylo on the mouth before pulling away. The crowd of people stood, clapping energetically while you and Kylo made your way down the aisle and out of the door. The second that you were out of everyone's line of sight you dropped Kylo's hand and broke into a run. You ran down the numerous hallways allowing your muscle memory to guide you. You stumbled into your chambers at blinding speed, room spinning around you. You panicked as you doubled over, breathless. You tried desperately to undo the buttons of your suffocating dress but they were too ornate for you. Suddenly Kylo stomped into your room and observed your bent-over state.

"I can't breathe," you gasped as you tried yet again to undo the impossible buttons of your dress. Kylo calmly stepped behind you, brushing your hands away as he carefully undid the buttons, stopping at your stomach as you fell to the floor gasping.

You sat there breathing heavily as Kylo observed you with a confused expression etched across his face.

"I don't understand why this is such a big deal to you," he said indifferently.

Finally calming down, you shot him an angry look. "Malachorans don't get married. Especially not the queen. We rule in peace with no man at our side and we have prospered for hundreds of years that way. You let Hux take that from me."

"No one forced you into this," Kylo insisted.

Your eyes were blazing fiercely. "I've seen the artillery on this ship. I've seen the massive army the First Order possesses. I know that if Malachor declared war on the First Order, you could destroy my planet in the blink of an eye. I absolutely was forced into this."

Kylo did not respond. Instead, he grabbed your hand before pulling you up. "Go change. Your banquet dress is on your bed." With that, he crossed his arms and sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall.

You stepped into the bedroom and closed the door. You unzipped the garment bag on your bed revealing a black lace dress that exposed the nude fabric underneath at the skirt of the dress. It was backless and you shuddered. You did not want to expose that much skin for random bystanders to observe.

"I'm not wearing this," you yelled defiantly through the door.

Kylo responded almost immediately. "Put on the damn dress."

You sighed pulling your white dress off before stepping into the black one, the fabric hugged your curves tightly as you zipped the dress up, zipper ending at your lower back. You shivered. Never once had so much of your skin been exposed and the feeling put you on edge. You nervously opened the bedroom door and walked into the kitchen. 

"I'm not wearing this," you repeated firmly.

Kylo stood up before pacing around you like a lion about to consume its' prey. You crossed your arms uncomfortably, waiting for him to say something. Kylo slowly traced a finger down your back and then grabbed your waist tightly, pulling your back into him. He grabbed your jaw forcing your neck to bend so that you were looking into his eyes. You gasped.

"Not only are you going to wear it," he whispered seductively into your ear. "You're going to like it."

As much as you wanted to, you were not about to give him the high ground. You pulled away.

"Who said that you could tell me what to do?"

Kylo grabbed your hand, pointing at the ring on your finger. "That does."

You snatched your hand out of his and walked into the bedroom. You grabbed the earrings that matched your dress and placed them in your ears. 

"So what? You think of me as your property? Your voice was angry.

Kylo exhaled loudly, "That's not what I said."

You walked out of your bedroom staring daggers into his skull. "But it's what you fucking meant isn't it?" You walked out the door while mumbling, "wouldn't want to keep your guests waiting."

You stomped out the door and were immediately flanked by your two very concerned looking warriors. 

"We heard arguing. What happened?" 

You tried your best to give Isa a small smile. "It's nothing. Commander Ren was just being an ass."

Lenna looked at your dress disapprovingly. "That's a lot of skin, Your Majesty."

You nodded in agreement. "It was either this or nothing at all. I'm actually being modest all things considered."

Lenna shook her head but proceeded to lead you back to the large room which had been quickly turned into a banquet hall in the time you had been gone. Large circular tables adorned with black tablecloths and red rose centerpieces lined the rim of the room, leaving space for a dance floor in the middle. One small table sat prominently in front of the dance floor. You assumed that was where you and Kylo would sit. You made your way inside and were immediately surrounded by flocks of people all wanting to meet the warrior queen of the mysterious planet Malachor. Most of the guests were allies and a few were representatives from planets considering alliances. Knowing that it was now your duty, you encouraged them to join the First Order. You continued to converse with people until finally, General Hux hit his glass signaling everyone to be quiet. The room immediately grew silent and Hux began his speech. 

"Thank you all for joining us on this fantastic day. I am so pleased to see these two people marry. The First Order continues to grow more powerful every day and with this marriage, we can continue this trend until the Resistance has been obliterated!"

At this, there was thunderous applause. Someone placed their hands on your shoulders and you suppressed a squeak of surprise, realizing it was Ren. 

Once the clapping had died down, Hux continued, "now please find your seats so we can enjoy this amazing feast."

Everyone began moving to their seats and for the sake of appearance you allowed Kylo to lead you to your seat. You sat and stared nervously at your plate, your stomach still aching from being emptied of all its contents just hours before. Thankfully, soup was the first course. You ate slowly, pleading with your stomach to allow the nutrients in. 

You ate in silence until Kylo finally tried to speak. "I didn't..."

You cut him off immediately, "No. I don't want to talk about it."

You didn't have to sit in the awkward quiet for long because Isa and Lenna approached you. You made a mental reminder to praise their impeccable timing later. 

Kylo pointed at Lenna, "you're Lenna," and then pointed to Isa, "and you're Isa."

Lenna turned up her nose in disgust. "A man that can actually remember things. That's new."

You chuckled while Isa waved her hands, frantically dismissing Lenna. "I'm sorry about her Commander." 

Kylo regarded Lenna with humor in his eyes. "I like you, Lenna. You remind me of Her Majesty, your Queen. Rude, controlling, and constantly misreading people."

You refused to speak to Kylo for the remainder of the celebration.


	14. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attack/ PTSD, blood, reliving past event

You entered your chambers and sighed heavily, glad that the celebrations had ended. You went to sit on the edge of your bed but a sudden sharp knock prevented you from doing so. You stood up and stomped towards the door, expecting to see an angry Kylo Ren but were instead met with the sour expression of General Hux.

"What do you want," you snapped.

He sneered, "I know how you feel about this arrangement but you have to at least pretend that you are happily married to Commander Ren. I don't care if you sleep on the cold, hard floor as long as its Ren's cold, hard floor." Hux turned and strutted away.

Your eyes lit with fiery anger. You would bet all of Malachor that Kylo Ren had put him up to this. And yet not minutes later you arrived in front of Kylo's chambers wearing a black velvet dress that was comfortable enough to sleep in. You knocked on the door and it flew open revealing Kylo Ren's shirtless body. You refused to look at his beautiful muscular chest, choosing instead to look at the floor.

"Hux said that I have to sleep in here," you mumbled.

Kylo moved to allow you inside but said nothing. You walked in and noticed that his room was larger than yours. The last time you had been in his room you'd been too busy letting Kylo devour your soul to actually notice what was in it. You breathed a sigh of relief when you noticed a black couch and moved to sit on it. You stared into Kylo's eyes waiting for him to say something but he only regarded you quietly. Remembering your argument from earlier, you decided to speak up.

"What," you demanded.

He still said nothing, staring at you intently. After another awkward minute, he spoke gruffly, "I don't think of you as my property." He turned and walked into the bedroom but stopped in the door frame and turned to face you again. "But if you ever suggest something like that again I will treat you like property." He went to turn around but you stopped him.

"Kylo, wait. I uh- have something for you."

You stood up and pulled a small black box out of your dress pocket. You had retrieved it from Isa earlier. You opened it, revealing a flower made entirely of glass.

"On my planet, if a woman chooses to leave in order to get married, she gives this to her husband." You placed the flower carefully into his hand.

Kylo examined it silently then walked into his bedroom, leaving the door cracked.

You sighed and lay down on the couch. You stared at the ceiling while replaying Kylo's words quietly in your head. I don't think of you as my property. It wasn't an apology but you knew that it was as close as Kylo Ren got to an apology. You stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours until you finally heard Kylo's soft snores. He was asleep. You sat up and stared at his door. Your brain and heart fought each other as you slowly stood up. He left the door cracked. That's like basically an invitation, your heart argued. What if he gets angry, your brain asked. You silenced the voices as you slowly pushed open the door to his bedroom. Kylo lay on his side and you slowly wiggled into bed next to him, making sure that you were far enough away that you wouldn't accidentally wake him in your sleep. You curled into a ball and drifted off almost immediately, the feeling of safety hitting you in waves of warmth.

Your dream began peacefully as you realized that you were in the dining room on Malachor. You enjoyed the meal in front of you, admiring the beautiful silver plates that you missed so dearly. You looked up and realized with confusion who was sitting across from you. It was your mother. You tried to speak to her but your mouth wouldn't move. You watched mutely as the mysterious maid poured your mother's drink. You wanted to warn your mother not to drink it but your mouth refused to budge. You observed numbly as she stood up and grabbed onto the table for support. Your body forced you to grave her and hold her in your arms when she fell. You were a pawn in your brain's evil game. Your mother's body slowly deteriorated into sand and you were left staring at the blood dripping from your hands. You shook violently, unable to look away as blood ran off your hands, staining your dress. You stared at your hands for what seemed like eons until a voice spoke. 

"Wake up."

Your brain allowed you to look in the direction of the voice. It was Kylo. You were still in shock, only able to look at him and then back to your hands.

"Wake up," Kylo repeated firmly.

Your dream disappeared and you shot up into the real world. A large wave of nausea attacked you and you ran to the bathroom, making it in time to spew your stomach contents into the toilet. You retched until you couldn't anymore then sat against the wall, trembling uncontrollably. A large hand offered you a wet washcloth and you took it gratefully.

"Is that really how she died?" Kylo's tone was even but when you turned to look into his eyes, concern was written across his face.

You nodded slowly while whispering a small "yes". You looked at him pleadingly. "Can you please leave." You weren't ready for Kylo to see you like this.

He nodded grimly and walked out of the bathroom. Seconds later you heard the hatch door shut and immediately lost it. You sobbed so intensely that you had to lay on the floor to steady yourself. You hadn't yet dealt with your mother's death and now your brain was punishing you for locking it away. You cried until tears would no longer come out. You stared at the tile for a long time. 

///

You hadn't realized you had fallen asleep until gentle hands shook you awake. You opened your eyes and stared groggily into Isa's worried eyes. 

"My lady are you alright?"

You nodded and tried to sit up but your body was too weak from dehydration. Isa helped you prop yourself against the wall and Lenna entered the bathroom holding a glass of water which she handed to you. 

You took a small sip then looked into Isa's eyes, "how did you know I'd be in here?"

"Commander Ren told us. He sent us to check on you."

"Who did this to you? Whoever it was I'll kill them. Was it Ren? I knew that son of a bitch was no good..."

"It wasn't anyone, Lenna," you interjected.

She relaxed her stance and looked down. "Oh."

You were tired of sitting on the floor. "Help me up please."

Isa and Lenna both grabbed one of your arms and assisted you in standing up.

"Isa go get a dress from my chambers."

Isa nodded and scurried out of the room while Lenna gently helped you remove your clothes and step into the shower. The hot water calmed your frayed nerves as you gently washed the sweat and puke off of your body. After a few minutes, you turned off the shower and stepped into the towel that Lenna had ready for you. You dried off your body and moved into your bedroom where Isa was waiting with a simple black dress. You stepped into it and allowed Isa to zip you up. You looked in the mirror and realized with dismay that your eyes were extremely bloodshot and puffy. Isa scurried to the kitchen returning seconds later with an ice pack. You applied the ice pack to your eyes and waited for the redness to calm. As you waited, your mind became certain of the plan it had created. You set the ice pack down and led your warriors out of your chambers to an unmistakeable red-headed idiot.

"General Hux," you said calmly. "It's time for me to return to Malachor."


	15. Discover

Hux had been hesitant to agree with you at first but after much badgering and a small amount of threatening, he obliged. 

"One month. That's it," he had decided before stomping away.

You were happy to be home but dismayed at how much work you had to do. You'd barely left your office in the past two days. You sat at your desk and stared blankly at the document in front of you. It took you ten whole minutes to realize that the paper wasn't even in a language you understood. The deep voice of your husband snapped you out of your sleepy trance.

"You know when Hux agreed to let you come back to Malachor, I'm pretty sure he thought that you wanted a honeymoon, not to work yourself to death."

Kylo leaned against the open door of your study, observing your tired eyes unhappily.

You stood up, moving towards the bookshelves to search for a book to help you translate the document on your desk.

"When did you get back," you inquired evenly.

Kylo had left almost immediately upon your arrival to Malachor, going on an emergency mission for the First Order. 

Kylo plopped into the chair you had just vacated. "Just a few minutes ago. I thought that my loving wife would be waiting excitedly for my arrival but instead, I was informed by her warriors that she has barely left her office since I left, and is apparently trying to commit suicide via exhaustion. Did you miss me? I bet you were trying to distract yourself while I was away," he teased.

You laughed lightly, eyes still searching for the book you needed. "It sounds like you missed me, dear husband," you quipped. Your eyes found the book, grabbing it quickly and turning to lean against the bookshelf. "You're in my seat," you pointed out.

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Come here," he instructed.

You were too tired to argue with him so you strolled over and sat sideways in his lap, allowing your legs to dangle over the armrest. You leaned your head against his chest and started to open the book in your hands but Kylo snatched it out of your hands. You reached for it, frowning slightly.

"I have work to do," you whined.

"A dead queen is no good to anyone," Kylo replied.

Kylo stood up and threw you over his shoulder. He walked out of the study and headed toward your room.

"Kylo put me down," you ordered half-heartedly. He ignored you and continued down the beige hallways. "If anyone sees you carrying me like this, I'm going to be dethroned," you warned.

"If you keep arguing I'll make sure someone sees you," Kylo threatened. 

You heaved a silent sigh of relief when you made it to your quarters, unnoticed. Kylo walked into your bedroom and threw you on the bed. He slowly pulled off your standard-issue battle boots followed by your socks and threw them into your closet. You were thankful to be in your warrior uniform instead of a stuffy dress. Kylo peeled off your pants and you squirmed uncomfortably.

"Be still," he ordered, and you obliged.

He put one hand under your back, pushing for you to sit up. Kylo pulled your plain grey shirt over your head and you shivered. His eyes drank in your body, then he turned and stepped into your closet. You heard him fiddling around for a second then he walked out of your closet carrying a nightgown in his hands. He gently pushed it over your head and you raised your arms to help him.

You looked at him nervously. "I umm thought..."

He shook his head and leaned into you, lips grazing yours. "Oh no, my Queen. You'll need to be well-rested before I annihilate you," he muttered seductively.

You shuddered and Kylo kissed you lightly, smirking into your lips. He pulled away and walked out of your room. "Go to sleep," he ordered as he passed through the door frame.

Your mind and body were exhausted and minutes after Kylo had left you found yourself drifting into the peaceful black expanse of sleep.

///

You dug through the bookshelves in your study. You knew the book you were looking for had to be somewhere but you couldn't find it. 

Last night you had dreamt of the kind woman who looked so much like Kylo. She had visited around six years ago and had gifted you a book when she left. You had never read it.

You were determined to find it. You were startled out of your craze when you heard a knock at the door. You turned to see Lenna standing at attention in the doorway.

You raised an eyebrow, "What is it, Lenna?"

"You instructed us to watch Kylo Ren and you never told us to stop so I've been watching him."

"And what have you discovered?"

"He's been searching for something. I don't know what, but he was in a village today asking villagers questions."

What could he be looking for? "Thank you, Lenna. Keep watching him. I may be married but that doesn't mean I have to trust my husband."

Lenna nodded vigorously, "As your wise mother once said, never trust a man."

Lenna left and you continued to look for the mysterious book another hour until you finally found it wedged behind two large novels. The book was a withered beige color with a large red symbol covering the front cover. It was the Resistance symbol, you realized. You opened the book and a piece of paper fluttered out. You picked it up and started to read what was written on the paper.

My dear princess, I sense that you will one day become a powerful queen and I hope to live to see that day. Even at such a young age you display great potential and resolve. Please never compromise your values for any man. I sense that you are more powerful than you know. I recently lost my son to the dark side and your hospitality has been a great comfort to me. If you ever need anything, the Resistance is here to serve you fully.

Always Grateful,

Leia Organa

You placed the letter in a drawer and struggled with your jumbled thoughts. She had a son? Could it be? 

At that very moment, Kylo sauntered into the study. You turned to look at him but his face had grown cloudy. He was looking at the Resistance book still in your hand. He advanced toward you menacingly.

"Kylo I," you stuttered as you backed into the wall.

"What are you looking for," he demanded.

You crossed your arms and scowled at him. "I could ask you the same thing." He raised an eyebrow and you gave him a harsh stare, "Did you really think that you could just walk around my planet harassing people and I wouldn't know?

Kylo chose to ignore you. He leaned in and kissed you harshly, biting your lip and dragging it out with his teeth. He grabbed the book out of your hand and pulled away.

"I'm not going to ask again, what are you looking for."

"I'm not telling you unless you promise to tell me why you're questioning my people." He paused for a second then nodded slowly so you began, "When I was younger a kind woman visited Malachor. She worked for the Resistance but came to Malachor hoping to find peace." You paused, comparing Kylo's facial features to the image of Leia in your head. "You know you look a lot like her... your mother." Kylo's face hardened and you continued. "I'm right, aren't I? Leia Organa is your mother," you stated calmly.

He backed up, eyes refusing to look at you. "No, she isn't," he glowered. "The person I was before I became Kylo Ren...she was his mother. Leia abandoned him."

Kylo turned and stomped out of the study but you followed him, not ready to leave him alone.

You grabbed his cape, "Oh no, we had a deal. You have to tell me what you were doing."

He continued his long strides but responded, "before Malachor was a dead planet, it was home to a Sith temple. I'm trying to find the ancient texts."

Sith texts? You watched in confusion as Kylo disappeared down the hall in a blur of black robes.


	16. Extinguish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Blood, Intense rage, Betrayal, Death

Your nightmare was a strange attack of voices. You were sitting in pitch black but voices moved around you. Some of the voices you identified as maids, others were warriors. It was like you could hear every voice in the castle. You tried to figure out what they were all saying but all you could make out was small pieces of gossip.

"I heard that the queen is pregnant."

"No way, I heard that she doesn't even talk to Commander Ren. She like hates him."

"If I was forced into a marriage, I wouldn't talk to my husband either."

You brushed off the chatter, hoping to hear something other than made up stories about your love life. And then you heard it. 

"You know that we had to kill the queen. It was necessary."

Someone in the castle had killed your mother? You recognized the voice, but in your state of confusion, you couldn't identify it.

Your brain pulled you back into reality and you shot up in bed.

"They're here," you whispered.

Kylo groaned pulling the covers that you had just yanked off back over his body. "Who's here," he asked sleepily.

As much as you wanted answers you also didn't want Kylo to go crazy on your palace staff. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

Kylo rolled onto his side, opening his tired eyes to look at you. "You do realize that I can hear your thoughts right? Don't lie to me," he commanded.

You got out of bed and walked into your closet to change, ignoring Kylo. After putting on your outfit you stepped out of the closet and looked at Kylo who was eyeing you expectantly.

You crossed your arms. "I'll tell you when I'm ready." You marched out of your chambers intent on finding whoever ordered the assassination of your mother. You saw Adira walking toward your study and you called to her. She smiled and approached you.

"My Queen, what can I do for you?"

"I have reason to believe that someone in this castle knows who assassinated my mother. I want to interview every single person on the staff."

Adira nodded. "Right away my queen."

///

By the end of the day, you were exhausted. You had threatened, pleaded, yelled, and tortured every single staff member and came up with absolutely nothing. No one knew anything, and even if they did they weren't telling. How were you supposed to figure out who killed your mother if no one knew anything? You finally decided that the best course of action was to ask The Force for answers. You trudged to the garden and plopped down cross-legged on the grass. You closed your eyes and allowed the force to flow through you freely, asking the question you so desperately wanted to know but were still afraid to see. Black nothingness surrounded you as you allowed The Force to take your mind to what you hoped was the answer. Suddenly, you saw two figures standing across from each other. As the image grew clearer you realized that they were in a simple staff-issued bedroom. They spoke in hushed tones and you strained to hear them. As you urged The Force to allow you closer to them, one of the figures materialized, showing you the face of someone you knew very well. You watched numbly as your most trusted warrior uttered the words you hated the most.

"You know that we had to kill the Queen. It was necessary."

You gasped. She had killed your mother? Your face grew hot. Anger engulfed you until all you could see was red. Your brain autopiloted down the halls of the castle until you found her, sitting in the meeting room. The tables and chairs had been replaced in your time away and she sat in one, reading a document calmly. As if she wasn't responsible for your mother's death.

She looked up and smiled kindly, acknowledging you, "Hello, Your Majesty."

Rage blinded you as you reached out your hand, flinging her into the wall. She groaned as her head made contact with the wall.

"Why did you do it? Why did you kill my mother?"

She laughed harshly and spat into your face. "She would have let the First Order destroy us. She would have never let you marry Commmander Ren. Even if it meant that her planet, her people, would be safe. Queen Antinea was a coward who couldn't break with tradition even to see the truth."

You were sobbing now. You grabbed the warrior's neck.

"Don't you dare say her fucking name. How could you?"

She gasped for breath, "I did it for you, my queen. For your people. It had to be done for Malachor to survive."

You went completely blind with blood-red fury, closing your hands completely around the neck of the woman you gad trusted with your kingdom.

"I listened to your advice, I told you my deepest secrets. I trusted you," you sobbed violently. 

She forced out her last words desperately, "trust...is...blindness."

You let go of her as she stopped writhing in your hands and she fell to the floor, lifeless. You stared down at the dead body of your once companion, Adira. 

Something inside you snapped. You threw chairs and demolished the new table. Your lightsaber flew in fury as you destroyed everything in the room that you absolutely could, even leaving deep gashes in the walls. Coming out of your high, you backed away from Adira's body and into the adjacent wall, falling to sit against it. Tears and mascara streamed down your face but you didn't notice. You were completely numb. Your anger had vanished leaving you hollow inside. Your brain struggled to understand what had just happened. Adira had betrayed you... and you had killed her with your bare hands. You had killed her. You heard heavy footsteps approaching the meeting room but made no attempt to move. You didn't care who saw you like this. 

Kylo Ren stepped through the doorway stopping to observe the carnage you had created. His eyes paused at the sight of Adira's body, neck a deep shade of red where you had blocked her airway. Kylo turned to look at you, giving away no judgment in his facial expression.

You looked at him with your emotionless eyes, hot tears still streaming down your face.

"So now you truly see me... This is who I am," you motioned to the wreckage around you.

Kylo kicked aside a piece of a chair and proceeded towards you. He offered you a hand and you accepted it, allowing him to pull you up. He gently lifted your chin so you would look into his eyes. He wiped the tears from your face with his gloved hands.

"This..." he gestured at the mess, "is absolutely beautiful."


	17. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Depression-like symptoms, smut

A timer rang, waking you from your accidental nap. You realized it was the oven timer and rushed to remove the baked goods before they burned. You'd been baking most of the day in order to avoid the overwhelming claw of responsibility. The maids had been rather startled when you kicked them out, but you hadn't cared. You had instructed them to tell no one where you were. You needed to do something that you didn't have to think about. You had already made batches and batches of food and finally gave up. You inspected the vast amount of sweets covering the counters. What were you supposed to do with all of this? Maybe you could give it away? You were too tired to make anything else but still didn't want to leave the kitchen so you lay down on the tile floor, staring up at the lights. The lights reminded you of the view of the galaxy from the Finalizer and you found yourself missing it a little bit. Lately, Malachor had brought you nothing but pain and confusion. Your view was suddenly blocked by the curtain of black hair hanging around Kylo's face. His face was grim as he observed the mess you had made.

He looked back at you and spoke firmly. "I have something to show you."

"Can it wait? I'm very busy right now."

Kylo gave you a stony look so you sighed and stood up. He led you down the hall towards his room. You wondered why he kept anything in here since he only ever slept in your room. On the dresser sat two boxes. One of them was the small box you had given him and the other was a long and narrow box that you did not recognize. He picked up the long and narrow one and handed it to you. 

"Open it," he instructed.

You opened it and gasped when you realized that it was a black hilted, double-edged lightsaber. You gently lifted it out of the box. You examined the intricate lines carved into the hilt. Your fingers lingered over one of the buttons finally pressing it and bringing one side of the lightsaber to life. The red glow lit up the room and you stared at it hungrily. It was different than holding your silver blade. Power seemed to course through your veins. You reluctantly clicked the button again allowing the light to disappear and handed it back to Kylo.

"No," he pushed your hand away, "it's yours."

Something inside you clicked. Every fiber of your being told you that this was right. This was exactly what you were meant to be. This is what you were meant to become. In a way, you had always been this person. Kylo had just let you out of the cage you had been stuffed in from birth. For once in your life, you felt truly free. No one was limiting your power. No one was telling you to be neutral. For once in your life you got to decide, and that made you feel truly powerful. You placed the lightsaber on the dresser and turned, advancing on Kylo with menacing strides. You pulled your shirt over your head and pushed him into the wall. He grabbed your hips and lifted you so that you were face to face. You wrapped your legs around Kylo's waist and kissed him violently. You pushed your tongue past his lips, tip examining every single tooth. Kylo moaned into your mouth, and carried you to the bed, laying you on it before crawling on top of you. He kissed hickeys into your neck and you were too busy unlatching his belt to stop him. You pulled his cape over his head and he assisted you in taking off his tunic. Kylo sat up, pulling off his undershirt and you leaned forward, rolling on top of him. You attacked his lips before moving to kiss a line down his jaw and onto his neck. Kylo reached around your chest and unclasped your bra eyeing your breasts hungrily. But you weren't done yet. You kissed your way down his chest before moving off the bed so you could take off his boots. You pulled his shoes and socks off and then did the same with your own, throwing it all into the growing pile of clothing. You climbed back on top of Kylo and began tracing over every scar on his chest. He groaned and grabbed at the button of your pants, undoing them then pulling them off of your waist. Kylo pulled you into his chest and rolled back on top of you, pulling your pants off your legs. He kissed red marks on your collarbone and grabbed onto one of your breasts. He pulled the nipple harshly, and you squealed, bucking your hips into his. He smirked against your skin.

"So that's what you want?"

When you didn't respond, Kylo pulled at your nipple again, causing you to squeak.

"Do you want this," he whispered lowly into your ear before grinding his hips into yours.

You gasped, thrusting your hips into the air, seeking the much-needed friction.

"Yes," you pleaded.

At that Kylo stood, wasting no time removing his pants, sighing at the release of his perky member. He peeled off your underwear carefully before climbing back on top of you.

You were nervous. Sure you'd had sex before, just never with a man.

"Kylo I-" 

He cut you off, "Shhh. Just look at me."

He positioned his shaft at your entrance, never breaking eye contact as he sunk into you. You groaned as his skin ripped into yours but your pain was quickly replaced with pleasure. He pulled out and sunk into you a second time and you pushed your hips into him, seeking even more friction. He took your reaction as encouragement and steadily picked up the pace until he was thrusting into you rapidly. 

"Fuck," he seethed your name. "You feel amazing."

You choked back a moan as he pushed deeper into you. Kylo grabbed your nipples, rolling them over in his hands as he continued to pound savagely into you. 

You arched your back, waves of euphoria crashing over you. "Holy shit. Kylo I'm..."

He flicked your nipples before continuing to massage them. You saw white as your body was thrown into a violent orgasm. Kylo pumped warm cum inside of you, but you barely noticed because your ears were ringing loudly. Kylo rode out the rest of his orgasm then pulled out and fell mutely beside you. You saw stars. Holy shit.

Once you were sure you wouldn't fall over and pass out you stood up and hobbled slowly into the bathroom. You turned on the sink and waited until the water was warm before running it over a washcloth. You gently wiped off the cum dripping from your legs before stepping back into the bedroom. You offered Kylo the washcloth and he took it, wiping the mess off his legs. You pulled on a nightgown and crawled back into bed as Kylo pulled his pants on. He slid into bed next to you and you grabbed his hand, holding on tightly as you drifted into a comfortable sleep.


	18. Conceal

You sat at your vanity trying to cover up the red marks lining your neck and collarbone. You heard a knock at your door and you rushed to open it quickly, pulling Isa inside and closing the door behind her. 

"Is Lenna coming?"

"Yes your Majesty she will be here in a few minutes."

"Ok good we have to cover these up before she sends me to an early grave." You moved your hair so she could see the red and purple marks lining your chest.

She gasped. "Did you..."

Your face turned red and she giggled.

"Just help me cover them up," you pleaded.

She set to work covering your neck in layers of color corrector and concealer.

"So are we going to be expecting any princes or princesses any time soon?"

You shuddered at the idea of chikdren. "Oh no that will never be an issue."

She paused to look in your eyes through the mirror. "What do you mean?"

You looked away, slightly embarrassed. You'd never told anyone about this secret before. But you trusted Isa.

"It's a royal tradition to have our tubes tied at a young age. It prevents us from having any major scandals. We are supposed to have our children via surrogate."

She nodded understandingly and you sighed, "plus I don't think Kylo would be a good father. He's too chaotic."

At that moment Lenna entered, responding to your comment as she walked through the door, "men always are."

Isa began to comb your messy hair in attempts to hide what you both had been doing. "So where is the man of the hour?"

You rolled your eyes. "He is convinced that there are Sith texts hidden on Malachor somewhere."

"Sith texts?" Lenna asked.

"Yes like prophecies and stuff."

"Sounds like a load of bullshit to me," Lenna remarked.

Isa had been quiet for a second but spoke up tentatively. "Your Majesty, if you umm..." you could tell Isa was nervous to ask you the question on her lips. "Adira. She was... responsible?"

The smile on your face disappeared. "Yes, Adira was a part of the plan to kill my mother."

"And you... killed her?" She whispered the last words apprehensively.

"Yes Isa, I killed her."

"Serves her right if you ask me," Lenna stated.

"That's really why I asked you both to come anyway. I will be going back to the Finalizer very soon and I may not be back for a while. Lenna I want you to stay here and take over Adira's position. I trust that you won't betray me?"

Lenna reacted as if the very idea of betraying you was a stab to the chest. "Never my Queen."

"Isa you will come back with me, understood?" 

"Yes Your Majesty."

At that moment the door to your chambers opened with a crash and Kylo Ren entered. His expression told you that something had happened.

You pursed your lips. "You are dismissed ladies."

Isa giggled and stared at your neck and back to Kylo as she left, Lenna ushering her form the room. When the door had closed you stood and walked towards Kylo.

"What is it?"

"I found them," he whispered breathlessly.

You nodded and walked into the closet, replacing your silver lightsaber for the black double hilted one hiding behind your clothes. You walked out of the closet.

"Let's go."

You walked down the hallways and out of the front doors, walking towards Kylo's shuttle. You marched up the ramp and sat down in the co-pilot seat. Kylo sat down next to you and started up the shuttle. The shuttle climbed until it hovered just below the clouds, flying towards the side of the planet that was still too hazardous to live on. Kylo landed near a system of caves and led you off the ship towards them. Kylo ignited his lightsaber to use as light when you entered the cave. The cave had two tunnels and you took the left one as Kylo took the right. You unhooked your lightsaber and ignited both sides, creeping through the tunnel cautiously. As you crept through the cave you heard whispers around you. The voices all said the same thing: we will guide you. You shivered but continued apprehensively. You came to another fork. You stopped and quieted your mind, listening to the voices. You realized that they were leading you down the right path so you followed the sound. You continued until you came to the end of the pathway. A tall stone ledge sat at the end of the tunnel. On the ledge sat one old-looking book. The book was open and you moved to read what was written on the page. You realized that it was in the ancient Sith language which you did not know. Suddenly, the voices began reciting a prophecy, you assumed it was the one in front of you.

Two entities will emerge one born in grey and the other in the light, both turned to darkness by betrayal. They will become equally strengthened by their bond, a fire like no other. And out of the ashes of their love a being more powerful than any other emerges, bringing peace or destruction to the galaxy.

You stumbled away from the book. That prophecy was about you and Kylo. You stood in shocked silence. Peace or destruction? You shook your head, you could not prevent this prophecy but you could make sure that it was never seen again. Without a second thought, you ripped the page out of the book and held it to your lightsaber, burning the paper to ash.

"So now you know."

You turned and found yourself staring into the eyes of your mother.

"How?" You stared at the red glint of the saber in your hand, "I can explain I-"

Her ghostly figure cut you off, "Red suits you my dear."

"You're not real."

"I am only real to you but does that make me any less real?"

Was this a trick? Were you being tested by the voices around you. And yet she looked so much like your mother that you softened.

"I miss you, mother."

"I know, but it was necessary that I die so you could reach your full potential. And how beautiful is the inferno raging inside of you."

There was no way this was actually your mother. It had to be a trick of some sort.

"That prophecy. It was about me?"

"Yes and Kylo Ren can never know. The fate of the galaxy depends on it."

Was this a Jedi trick? Why would a Sith not want Kylo to know?

But you knew that what they were saying was true so you nodded and the image of your mother faded from view. You grabbed the book and headed back towards the entrance. When you arrived at the entrance to the tunnel you heard loud growling coming from the right. You set the ancient book down and ran towards the noise, lightsaber blazing readily. You arrived at the sound, discovering a pack of wild animals attacking Kylo. He was doing his best to fight them off but they were still overpowering him quickly. You swung your lightsaber through the few that had shifted their attention to you and began fighting off the ones still attacking Kylo. You both worked in unison as you decapitated the black creatures heads. When the pack realized how many of them had already been killed, they retreated into the depths of the cave. You diffused your lightsaber and walked towards Kylo who was applying pressure to his stomach. As you grew closer you saw that he was trying desperately to stop the steady stream of blood coursing from his abdomen. You carefully swung his arm that was holding his lightsaber over your shoulder and helped him walk toward the entrance to the cave. You let go of him to grab the book of prophecies and then grabbed back onto him, helping him limp up the ramp of the shuttle. You sat him in the co-pilot seat and closed the ramp.

"Just tell me which buttons to push and I'll get us out of here."

Kylo pointed to a red button on the far left. You pointed for confirmation and he nodded. You pressed the button and the engines purred to life. He motioned to another button towards the middle and you pressed it. The ship began to hover and you grabbed the steering controls, fighting to keep the ship steady. You pushed on the controls and the ship began flying forward. You started to set the coordinates for the castle but Kylo stopped you, gasping as he leaned forward in his seat.

"No," he stuttered, "no one on Malachor can know we have the book. We have to go to the Finalizer."

His forehead was covered in sweat and you could tell that he was struggling to remain conscious. You didn't hesitate as you set the hyperspeed, placing a hand on Kylo to keep him still as you punched the button, sending you hurdling off your planet and into a different star system. You turned on the ship's transmitter, bringing General Hux to life in front of you.

"Hux we are making an emergency landing on the Finalizer. We need medical attention. Commander Ren is injured."

"Right away," he nodded.

The second the transmitter had been turned off, Kylo lost consciousness, falling out of his seat. You caught his head before it hit the floor and held him in your arms. You started having flashbacks to when you had held your mother in your arms as she died. You slapped yourself out of your trance. No. You wouldn't lose Kylo like you had lost your mother. You couldn't. You examined the deep wound on his chest. The blood flowing out was not red, it was black. The beast's claws must have had some type of toxin on them, you realized. Something in your brain urged you to pull the poison out. You slowed your breathing and closed your eyes. You held your hand over Kylo's wound and imagined yourself separating the toxins from his blood and pulling them out. You opened your eyes and realized that you were holding a ball of black liquid. You lost your focus and the liquid spilled out of your hand and onto the shuttle floor. Even though Kylo was still unconscious his body seemed to relax a little. The ship came out of hyperspace and was pulled into the Finalizer by a tractor beam. You stared at your hands in shock as medical personnel lifted Kylo onto a stretcher and rushed him to the medbay.


	19. Assume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Reader commits graphic murder

You hadn't gone to see Kylo while he was in the medbay. It had been almost a week and he had not yet woken up. To distract yourself from your deepest fears, you stepped into Kylo's position. You went over battle plans with Hux and battle strategies with Phasma. You had sent a ship to retrieve Isa from Malachor and she brought your silver lightsaber, which you only hung on your belt when you knew she would be around. You were standing on the bridge discussing targets with Hux when a doctor approached you timidly.

"Excuse me, Your Majesty," he bowed. "I thought that you might want to know that Commander Ren is slowly beginning to wake from his coma. It could still be hours or even a day before he is fully awake but... well, we felt that he may be more comfortable if he woke up in his quarters and not the medbay." His eyes told you that none of the doctors wished to be caught in the crossfire of Kylo's anger when he woke up.

Your heart fluttered in relief. Kylo was going to wake up, he was going to be ok. You hid your giddy deep inside your soul, locking it up and throwing away the key. You nodded and dismissed the doctor with a careless wave before continuing your conversation with Hux.

///

You stumbled into your quarters at a late hour. You were exhausted. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw Kylo asleep in bed. He lay on his back emitting soft snores from his mouth, his jaw drawn into a deep frown. You slipped out of your dress, too tired to even put on a nightgown, and crawled into bed next to him. You draped a protective arm over the part of his chest that was not covered in a bandage and fell asleep almost immediately.

///

You awoke in the morning to frantic movement beside you. You rolled over slowly, rubbing your eyes until your vision cleared. Kylo was breathing heavily and you realized that he must have just woken up. His eyes were frantic as his mind struggled to figure out where he was.

"Kylo you're on the Finalizer. Do you remember what happened?" You had been trying to mask your worry but the tone in your voice betrayed you.

He nodded and his breathing slowly returned to a normal rate. Without looking at you, he spoke, "how long have I been asleep?"

"About a week," you replied calmly.

Kylo sat in silence but you could tell that he was trying to piece together what had happened in his brain.

"Those wild beasts. I should have died." he slowly turned and looked into your eyes. "You can control it can't you? Liquids? Poisons? That's the ability the dark side has granted you."

You thought about your mother. If you had already turned to the dark side when she had been poisoned, you could have saved her.

"How ironic," you muttered.

"Yes, the Force tends to have a sense of humor."

You rolled out of bed and stepped into the closet, putting on a dress that was more revealing than the ones your seamstress at home would make for you. Elizabeth had brought you new gowns when you had returned to the Finalizer and she seemed pretty set on making sure that everyone knew who was in charge based on your appearance. You stepped out of the closet and walked toward where Kylo was perched on the bed. You gave him a light kiss on the forehead and he pulled the fabric creating a slit in your dress apart, raking a finger down your leg. 

You shivered but forced yourself to remain calm and composed. "I have some business to attend to but I will let the doctors know that you are awake. Until then, stay in bed," you ordered.

He gave you a defiant glare, "I don't take orders from you."

You grabbed his hand from its place on your thigh and pressed it against the bandage on his stomach. He winced slightly from the pressure.

"Oh trust me. You want to stay in bed."

You walked out of the chambers without another word, marching to the medical bay. When you got there you found the doctor from the other day and motioned for him to approach you.

"Yes your Majesty?" He bowed.

"Commander Ren is awake. Go examine his wound and make sure he does not move until you clear him to do so," you instructed.

"Right away, Your Majesty."

He scurried out of the bay and you exited as well. You walked toward the bridge and found Hux ordering the officers around, as usual. He stopped when you approached and greeted you curtly.

"Your Majesty."

"I thought I should inform you that Commander Ren is awake."

"Very good, very good," Hux replied with a pained smile.

"Until he is cleared to return to his duties I will continue fulfilling them in his place."

"Very well, your Majesty. Then I need to inform you that a planet has refused to ally with us. Before we send our troops to destroy this planet I thought it might be best that we send a small battalion led by Commander- I mean, you to have more aggressive negotiations."

"Yes, I think that would be appropriate General. When do I leave?"

"Right now," he responded coldly.

"Very well."

You strode down the halls towards the hangar, finding Captain Phasma waiting with 12 stormtroopers standing at attention behind her. She uttered your name and gave a small bow, her troops copying her action. 

"Phasma. Are these the troops accompanying me?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Thank you, Phasma. Do me a favor and make sure Commander Ren knows where I am going and continues to recover until my return." 

She nodded and gave a small bow before marching out of the hangar. The troops moved onto the shuttle and you sat in the copilot seat next to the stormtrooper who was piloting. The shuttle took off out of the hanger and was shot into hyperspeed almost immediately. You pulled your lightsaber off of your belt and ran your fingers over the hilt nervously. The shuttle came out of hyperspeed and entered the atmosphere of a green planet. It was similar to Malachor but much smaller. As you grew closer to land you noticed that the trees hung at strange angles. Some were twisted into numerous loops and others leaned on each other for support. You had never seen anything like it. The shuttle landed in front of a large brick structure that you assumed was the castle. You hooked your lightsaber back onto your belt and strode down the ramp, troopers marching behind you. A short person whose skin was a dark shade of blue hobbled out of the castle to greet you.

"Welcome Queen," she spoke your name happily, "thank you for agreeing to negotiate with us."

"Yes let us get to it then," you replied impatiently.

The woman led you to a room with a wooden table that was painted white. You waved for your troopers to stand outside and sat in the chair at the end of the table. The lady exited and a taller man with a lighter shade of blue skin entered and gave you a small bow.

"Welcome. I am King Grallmen. It is a pleasure to meet you." He sat down in the chair opposite you. "I regret to say. however, that you have made this trip in vain. My planet has no intention of forming an alliance with the First Order."

You knew that was not an option for him but were reluctant to kill him immediately. You spoke calmly, coating your words in honey, "King Grallmen I should warn you. If you choose not to ally yourself with the First Order they will destroy you and at the very least, replace you. I'm afraid that in either situation you would not remain alive."

He nodded solemnly, "I feared as much. But I refuse to compromise this planet's ideals. My people are peaceful. I do not think they would ever forgive me for choosing a side in this war."

You were growing impatient with his ignorance. You leaned forward in your chair staring straight into his eyes. "Malachor was a peaceful planet as well. But when my mother chose to defy the First Order as you are also choosing to do, it was not the First Order that killed her, it was her own people. I assure you that your planet would much rather be safe and on a side than dead and neutral."

He pondered for a second before shaking his head with a deep sigh. "I am sorry but I cannot make the decision you are hoping for."

You knew what you had to do. You silenced every cell in your body that resisted your resolve and stood, "then so be it." With one swift move and a flash of red, you had removed the King's head from his body.

His body fell to the floor and you stepped over it, walking out the door without a second thought. You looked at the short lady standing outside the door.

"If you do not ally with the First Order you can expect for that to happen to every single person on this planet."

She stared in horror at the king's decapitated body lying on the floor and you pushed past her. You walked out the front door and back onto the shuttle.

"Get us out of here," you ordered.

The pilot nodded and not long after you were landing in the Finalizer hangar. You marched down the ramp feeling a sense of accomplishment until you saw him. Kylo was standing at the entrance to the hangar with his arms crossed. His helmet was on and yet you could feel him staring daggers into your soul. You sensed his anger from across the room. You raised an eyebrow, silently asking him what was wrong. He said nothing as he pivoted and stomped away. You took a deep breath and followed him, his boots echoing down the hallway as he headed back to his chambers.


	20. Bargain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Smut, wound-play(ish)

The second the chamber door closed Kylo was towering over you menacingly. 

You scoffed, "I am not going to talk to you if you have that mask on."

He took off the mask and threw it down, the loud thud jarring you slightly.

You hesitated. Never had Kylo been this angry at you before, but you forced yourself to keep a straight face. "I don't know what this is about but I'm tired. We can talk about it tomorrow," you stalled.

"No we are going to talk about it now," he snapped. "You can't just leave without telling me! You can't just do whatever you want whenever you want because you are a queen. You forget where you are, you are not on your planet. You are on my ship, you hold absolutely no power here," he bellowed.

His words stung but you were not about to let him win this argument. "Did you forget that we are married? I mean, what was I supposed to do? You were in a damn coma. We didn't know if you were going to wake up. I didn't know if you were going to wake up," your voice cracked at the last statement. "I am not going to apologize for doing your job so that I could be distracted from the fact that you might die!" Hot tears were streaming down your face and you tried to quickly wipe them away but Kylo's chest was so close to yours that you couldn't move your arms.

"You should have told me, your husband. I shouldn't have had to find out from Phasma where you were going. You aren't even trained in First Order tactics! So please tell me, what about this mission seemed like a good idea to you? Did you want to be killed? Or are you just stupid?"

His words were like knives and tears flowed down your face at a faster rate than before. You ducked out of his grip trying to walk away, but Kylo grabbed your arm and pushed you back into the wall.

"Answer me," he seethed.

You tried to formulate an answer but your voice was cracking uncontrollably. You sank to the floor, placing your face into your hands. Anger about his words crept up your skin and you allowed it to consume you, moving your head to look up into Kylo's stony face.

"I was thinking that I could handle it. I was thinking that I'd have to learn eventually because you might not ever wake up. I was thinking that no one, not even Hux, would dare send me off to some planet just so I could get myself killed. I was thinking that I can take care of my own damn self. It was a calculated risk that I chose to take," you stood. "And if you want me to start talking to you then you have to stop keeping secrets. You have to let me in." You crossed your arms. "If you aren't going to respect me then I will just go back to Malachor alone where I am respected."

You both stood in heated silence for a few moments. Kylo turned and walked into the kitchen, sitting down in a metal chair and propping his chin up with his fist. You followed and leaned against the wall, waiting for him to say something. He stared at the metal table as if he wanted to burn a hole through it. You crossed your arms and stepped towards the table, tapping your heel against the floor impatiently, waiting for him to say something. Finally, Kylo stood and grabbed a cup out of a cabinet and filling it with water. He stepped towards you and wiped the tears off your face with his leather hands. He handed you the cup and you knew that this was his way of making peace. You took a sip of water before setting it down on the table and laying a hand on his chest. Your eyes examined the bandage on his stomach. 

"Did the doctor clear you? Or did you just decide to clear yourself?" You kept an even tone to prevent yourself from getting upset again.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not staying in that stupid bed any longer."

At this, you smiled mischievously. This was a challenge, one that you could win.

"Well I guess I won't even try to convince you then, but I am going to bed."

You walked towards the bedroom and once you had entered the doorway, you began to unzip your dress. You could feel Kylo's eyes watching you as you pulled the zipper from your shoulders down to your hips but you gave no notice of his stare. You stepped out of your dress and unclasped your bra, turning your head just enough to raise a teasing eyebrow at him.

"Are you sure you aren't even a little tired?" You walked towards the bed, moving to get under the covers so he still could not see your naked chest.

Kylo was standing at the door staring at you but he was forcing his eyes to portray no emotion. You painted an innocent expression on your face as you moved to sit up so that your collarbone and a small bit of your cleavage was showing. Kylo stepped closer, scowling as he crossed his arms.

His reaction spurred you on and you grew bolder by the minute. "How about a bargain?" You paused long enough for him to raise an eyebrow, signaling that he was curious. "If you get in bed I will do something for you in return..."

A look of mischief crossed Kylo's face. "Anything?"

But you were having too much fun to give in just yet. "Oh no, I never make agreements before knowing the terms of said agreement."

Kylo slowly removed the layers of his clothing until all that he had on were his undergarments. He crawled into bed and grabbed your stomach, pulling your back into his chest. His hard member was painfully obvious through the thin fabric of your underwear.

Kylo kissed the side of your neck before whispering into your ear, "I held up my end of the bargain, now it's time for you to hold up yours. You need to take care of this," he thrust his hips into yours and a soft moan escaped your lips.

Your body was on fire. You smiled an evil grin, "deal," you whispered.

You rolled on top of Kylo careful not to put pressure on his stomach. You attacked his lips, thrusting your tongue into his then pulling it out and biting his lip gently. You sat up and pulled his undershirt over his head, throwing it on the floor. You kissed down his neck and onto his chest. You moved to one of his nipples, pulling it into your mouth and giving it a soft bite, causing Kylo to squirm beneath you.

"Be still," you purred and he was.

You continued your trail of kisses until you were at the bandage. You looked at him seeking approval and he nodded. You lightly unwrapped his wound examining the stitches with a delicate touch. You counted fifteen stitches and tenderly kissed every single one. Then you made notice of every single scar or imperfection on his chest giving each one a few seconds of adoration. You ran your finger once again over the stitching before moving your mouth back up to his face and kissing him deeply.

"Fucking... gorgeous..." you moaned into his mouth. 

He grunted and began pulling your underwear down your thighs. You laughed into his mouth before moving to help him. You pulled them off your body and then grabbed at his, unleashing his hard member. You kissed down the v of his chest before placing your lips on the tip of his shaft. You slowly licked a circle around it while still staring into Kylo's eyes. His eyes were foggy with need and you were all too willing to give in to his desires. You wrapped your lips around his dick and pushed it into your throat. Kylo started to thrust his hips into you but you glared at him and he moaned softly as he lay back in defeat. You pulled your mouth off and then thrust his member back in, using your throat to fuck his shaft. You swallowed around his dick and he groaned. You continued until he was on the edge of his orgasm but then pulled out. He looked up, confused and you smirked.

"Did you want me to miss out on all the fun?"

He shook his head furiously and you positioned yourself over his member. You sunk in slowly, squeaking as his large shaft ripped you open. You pulled out and sunk back in, this time feeling more pleasure than pain. You picked up the pace pounding into him rapidly. You squeezed tightly around him and he thrust his hips into you pumping warm cum inside of you. You continued riding him until a wave of euphoria crashed into. Kylo's hands grabbed your hips keeping you anchored as your orgasm ripped through you. You screamed and flung your head back watching as stars danced in front of your eyes. The wave of euphoria passed and you fell against Kylo's chest. He groaned at the pressure on his stomach but wrapped his arms around your back. You lay against his chest and listened to his rapid heartbeat as his dick softened inside of you. Finally, you unsheathed yourself and stumbled into the bathroom to clean yourself off. By the time you exited the bathroom, Kylo had already put back on his pants and you were still uncomfortably naked. You went to enter the closet but you felt yourself being frozen in your tracks.

"Come here."

Kylo released his hold on you and you stepped towards him. Once you were within range he grabbed your waist and pulled you back on top of him. You laid your head against his chest and he drew long circles down your back. You shuddered but continued laying there until he gently moved you off of him so that you were laying next to him. He pulled the covers over your body and wrapped his arms around you. The feeling of his warm breath on your neck relaxed you and you fell asleep within minutes, barely hearing Kylo's words as you drifted off.

"And you are absolutely beautiful."


	21. Eliminate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Kylo and Reader kill a whole village

"Dammit," you hissed as Isa held a knife to your throat, yet again. You had been training with her and were slowly realizing how out of shape you were. "Let's go again," you said as Isa pulled away.

Isa pulled pieces of her brown hair off her face which was beaded with sweat. "Your Majesty we've been going at this for a while. You need to save your strength."

"The Queen has a very nasty habit of trying to work herself to death," Kylo remarked as he strode through the doors of the training center.

You rolled your eyes and shot Isa a glare when she nodded in agreement.

"I do not," you retorted.

"You would do well not to argue with me," he scolded. "Come, we have some business to attend to."

You followed him reluctantly out of the room turning to roll your eyes at Isa and she giggled quietly. The second you were out of the room you had Kylo against the wall.

"If you ever disrespect me in front of anyone again, I will make your life hell. And if you ever try and speak to me with that mask on again, I will make sure everyone on this ship hears you scream."

You marched down the hall but stopped when you heard Kylo speaking to you in your mind. Oh, you are going to pay for that later, Your Majesty. You crossed your arms and refused to speak with him even when you arrived at the bridge. Hux observed the tension between the two of you and let out an annoyed sigh.

"When I said act like you are actually married I did not mean fight every goddamn second. If I hear about one more spat the two of you are having I'm sending you both to a planet where the only two living creatures on it are you two. I have no time for this immaturity."

You glared at him, blood growing warm in your veins. "I suggest you hold your tongue, General before I cut it out."

Hux rolled his eyes. "We have other issues right now. The planet you visited a few days ago has just declared war on us. I assume negotiations did not go well?"

You shrugged. "Let's just say that the king and I had a disagreement and now his head is no longer attached to his body."

Kylo turned his head to search your face for any sign that you were joking. He gave a small synthesized grunt when he discovered that you were not.

"No matter," you continued. "The planet is small, it will be an easy win for us. I will see to it personally."

"Not without me, you won't," Kylo snapped.

Hux intervened, "absolutely not Commander. You are in no condition to fight. You only woke up from a life-threatening coma a few days ago!"

"I feel fine," Kylo retorted.

You were not about to let Kylo fight unless you knew for sure that he was ok. "Fine then why don't we ask the doctor? He can decide whether or not you are cleared," you remarked.

"Fine!"

Kylo turned and stomped down the hall towards the infirmary. You and Hux followed in his wake.

Hux sneered, "I'm almost sorry for making you marry him. I wouldn't wish for my worst enemy to have to wake up next to him every day."

For some reason this made spikes of anger shoot down your spine.

"Oh I'm sure you will be sorry one day, Hux," you replied coldly. "Sorry that you paired the two most powerful people in the galaxy together. Because he could rip you to shreds and I would be standing by his side watching in approval as he tore you limb by limb. That is when you will be truly sorry."

Hux shuddered at the image you had just painted with your words and was silent for the rest of the walk to the medbay. You stepped into the infirmary leaving Hux to wait outside of the room Kylo had been ushered into. The doctor was examining Kylo's stitches but you could tell by the twitch in his mouth and his shaky hands that Kylo was threatening him.

"Whatever he is telling you," you remarked calmly. "Is not going to happen as long as you are honest. You have my word."

The doctor switched his gaze between Kylo and you, trying to decide which person was more deadly. Finally, he nodded and stood to address you.

"The stitches are ready to come out so I am going to remove them. As long as he is not scratched and does not apply significant stress to the afflicted area, he should be ok. Given his fighting style, I am approving him for battle, Your Majesty."

You could feel Kylo's smug smile through his mask and you shot him a look before stomping out of the room. Hux raised an eyebrow at you.

"He's been cleared," you grumbled before continuing the march to retrieve your lightsaber from your room, heels clicking menacingly against the tile.

///

The short shuttle flight was spent in awkward silence. Kylo had kept his helmet on which you assumed was his way of saying 'I don't want to talk to you,' and you were fine with that, you didn't want to talk to him either. The shuttle landed and shortly after two more shuttles carrying stormtroopers landed. The second you marched off the ramp, shots from blasters rang out around you. You lit your saber and Kylo did the same, trying to deflect the rapid-fire coming towards you. Even with your double-bladed saber, you were struggling to deflect the fire raining down on you.

"There's too many of them! We need to split up," you yelled through the deafening sounds of battle raging around you.

"I'll take half of the troops to the right and go around the castle. Take the other half to the left into the woods."

At that Kylo motioned for his troops to follow and he marched towards the side of the castle, effortlessly deflecting blasts coming at him. You motioned for the rest of the troops to follow you and set into the darkness of the woods. There was no path and you wasted a lot of time climbing over the odd-shaped trees and branches. As you continued the trek into what you assumed would be a city hidden by this apparent jungle, you heard a noise. You froze in your tracks and your troopers did the same, pointing their blasters at the area of bushes the sounds had come from. Suddenly a hooded figure emerged from the woods, carrying a Viking-style sword in their right hand.

"Continue towards the edge of the woods," you instructed the troopers. "I'll take care of this."

They nodded and rushed away. The second they were out of sight, you spoke. 

"I trust you got my message then?"

The figure removed their hood revealing the unmistakable dark skin and black hair of Lenna. She hooked her sword back onto her belt and stepped towards you.

"Yes, My Queen."

You pulled a small vile out of a secret pocket in your combat shirt handing the glass bottle carefully to Lenna.

"I'm sorry to ask you to do this, Lenna but I have no other choice. The prophecy I-" you paused. "This is the only way I can ensure the safety of the galaxy. No one can ever know."

She nodded, securing the container inside her cloak. 

"Now hurry, go. Don't let Kylo see you."

Lenna pulled the hood back onto her head and disappeared back into the bushes. You turned and ran to catch up with your troops. Bu the time you caught up, they had already made it to the edge of the woods. You led them out and into a village made of small wooden houses and huts. It seemed to be relatively empty and you wondered where the inhabitants had gone.

"Burn it," you ordered without a second thought. "Burn it all down." 

A trooper carrying a flamethrower stepped forward, dousing the houses in flames. You walked through the village towards the outer rim, searching for tracks that would lead you to the hiding people. When you reached the outer rim you discovered a massive lake. This must be where they are hiding, you thought. You sat cross-legged at the edge of the water placing one of your palms on the top. You closed your eyes, forcing your mind to clear and allow the force to flow through you. You imagined the water leaving the lake and moving towards the village. You imagined the water flowing through the streets and into the houses, destroying everything it touches. You imagined the lake emptying and revealing the blue-skinned people. Your mind watched as the stormtroopers shot and killed every single last person. You opened your eyes and they confirmed what your mind had imagined. A heap of blue bodies lay in the pit you had created. You tried to stand, but your body became overwhelmed exhaustion and your eyes rolled back in your head. The last thing you felt before losing consciousness was a stormtrooper rushing to catch you as you fell.


	22. Break

You regained a semi-conscious state and your body noticed that it was being carried. You forced your eyes open enough for you to see who was carrying you. The black clothing and mask confirmed that it was Kylo and your mind relaxed, allowing you to drift back into unconsciousness now that it knew you were safe.

///

Your dream made absolutely no sense. When it began, you were somewhere that had a lush green forest. A small child with jet black hair around the age of two toddled out of the woods. She had sticks in her hands and began making them float around as if that was what every two-year-old did. You knelt to speak with her but before your lips could part you were whisked away. Suddenly you were on the bridge. Distorted voices spoke around you. "Will she live?" One asked. "It's too early to know, we can't-" you heard the unmistakable thud of a body falling to the floor and before you could try and examine it, the scenery changed, yet again. This time you were floating through still darkness. Suddenly a deep voice spoke to you. "For once in his life, the boy has done something right. Of all the people he could pull to the dark side, he chose you. And yet I feel he does not realize your true potential. You could be stronger than him my child, you could destroy him." Destroy him? Was this person talking about Kylo? Why would you ever want to destroy Kylo? As if he could read your mind the voice responded, "Because if you don't destroy him, he will destroy you. His mind seeks peace in a battle that has raged in his head for so long. He would do anything to get it, even destroy those dearest to him. He paused for effect. And I believe, you are what he holds most dear, child." He cackled menacingly and even after you knew he was gone from your mind the chilling laugh remained.

///

The bright lights of the infirmary woke you from your unconscious state. Your brain immediately flew into defense mode at the sight of an unrecognizable person beside you. You grabbed them by the neck tightly and they gasped.

"Please... Your Majesty," he wheezed. "You are on the Finalizer. I'm your doctor."

Your brain relaxed as it realized where you were and you let go of his neck. The doctor fell to the floor struggling to regain his breath. Your eyes searched the room for something familiar. You were in a hospital bed attached to numerous wires, one of which pumped a yellow liquid into your veins. The beeps on the monitor showed that your heart was beating and that your pulse was low. The room was small and had only one simple metal chair in it. In it sat Isa who nodded reverently to you then returned to the knife she was sharpening. You sighed unhappily as you realized who was obviously missing from the room. Of course, he wouldn't come to see you, why would he? You shook the twinge of pain away, finally finding the ability to speak

"How long have I been asleep," you croaked.

"Not long, a little over a day. Whatever you did it drained almost every single bit of energy out of you. We've had you on an intense regimen of IV fluids and steroids."

All of a sudden a wave of claustrophobia hit you. You wanted to be anywhere but here, lying helplessly in bed for anyone to see. Every fiber of your body resisted it.

"Well, I feel fine now. I would like to go to my chambers now."

The doctor stood, making sure he was out of reach before speaking again.

"I am afraid I can't let you leave. I have direct orders saying that until you are one hundred percent healed you must stay."

You huffed, "whose orders?"

"Commander Ren's, Your Majesty."

You crossed your arms trying to muster a menacing look, "I don't care what he said if you don't let me leave I'll..."

"You'll do exactly what I said," Kylo stomped into the room and removed his helmet.

You tried to sit up and the doctor moved to help but you swatted him away. Even this tiny amount of effort was tiring you but you forced yourself to act as if you were okay.

"I'm fine," you countered.

Kylo's eyes were cold and unyielding. "Damn right you are. Less than two days ago they couldn't even find your pulse. Did he tell you that?"

The doctor quietly interjected, "I didn't want to worry her sir."

Kylo sneered, "She needs to be worried. She needs to know that her dumb actions have consequences."

The doctor was trembling slightly and you almost felt bad for him, he probably thought his life was in danger. "Yes sir, I-"

"You're dismissed," Kylo snapped.

The doctor scurried out of the room and you nodded to Isa that she should leave as well. She stood and gracefully exited, unfazed by Kylo's menacing aura. Kylo stepped towards you, crossing his arms.

"Kylo I'm fine," you repeated. "I have a pulse, I'm breathing, and I don't want to be in this room any longer."

Kylo said nothing. He stared you down as if he was trying to decide if you were even worth his time. You wondered what had caused this change in attitude. Hadn't he just called you beautiful a few days ago?

Finally, he broke the silence. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what? Pull the water out of the lake? Because it was what had to be done," you stated firmly.

"Even though it was going to kill you," he asked incredulously. 

You sighed, "I didn't know that it was going to kill me. I thought I would be fine." Kylo was now towering over you and you rolled your eyes, "can you please just sit down."

Kylo's face turned colder than it had been before and you averted his gaze, scared that his eyes alone would turn you to stone. 

"When you stop trying to fucking kill yourself, come talk to me." 

He was angry but not in a yelling way. It was like he had lost all respect for you and the thought alone made you feel like a piece of your heart was being chipped away.

"I don't need a wife who actively puts herself in harmful situations every chance she gets."

Kylo turned and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You sat there mulling over what he had just said. Sure, you'd had fights before and they had been pretty bad, but this was different. You silently wondered if he would ever forgive you. But how could you defend yourself against something that wasn't even your fault? Tears spilled down your face and you let them. Part of you wished Lenna was here to slap some sense into you. She'd probably remind you of her offer to assassinate Kylo. The thought made you laugh lightly. Finally, dehydration and exhaustion set in and you fell into an uncomfortable sleep.


	23. Realize

After two days in the infirmary, you convinced the doctor to let you go back to your quarters as long as you promised to stay in them and rest. You tried to hold up your end of the bargain, but for some reason, you couldn't. It had been so long since you had slept alone that it was hard to get comfortable. You spent most of your nights tossing and turning and even though you'd never admit it, wondering what Kylo was doing. It had been a while since you had been in your chambers. None of your stuff had been there and you had to send Isa on a stealth mission to steal your things out of Kylo's room. You hadn't talked to Kylo since the day you had woken up. It was pretty easy to avoid him when all you did was pace around your quarters all day. You spent your time trying to figure out a way to apologize without apologizing. You were not about to ask for forgiveness for completing the mission even if it included unforeseen consequences. You were going stir crazy and also driving Isa crazy who had appointed herself to make sure you were recovering. After four days of unbearable boredom, you gave up.

"That's it I'm going to find something to do."

"Are you going to apologize," Isa asked, never looking up from the book in her hand.

"Absolutely not I didn't do anything wrong."

You marched out the door, turning to address one of the stormtroopers stationed outside.

"Do you know where Commander Ren is?"

The stormtrooper shook his head, "no ma'am but I can find out."

He repeated your question to the walkie talkie he had removed from his belt. When the answer was provided he repeated it to you.

"He is on the bridge, Your Majesty."

"Thank you. If he happens to stop by tell him I am still in my room. Isa, stay here in case he decides to snoop around."

The stormtroopers looked confused. "That's an order," you directed firmly.

They nodded immediately and straightened into their positions. You marched in the opposite direction of the bridge towards the hanger. On the way, you noticed the silver glint of Captain Phasma's armor and hastened to catch her. You called her name and she turned to address you.

"Your Majesty, I didn't know you were out and about again, Commander Ren made it sound like..."

You stared her down using a commanding tone to stress your point. "Commander Ren does not know, and I would like to keep it that way." She looked up and down the hall then nodded so you continued. "I need to borrow one of your troopers that has flight training. I have recently aquired an abundance of spare time and I think now would be a good time to learn how to fly."

"I actually have some free time right now. I would be more than happy to teach you myself. Plus, no one is going to question why I am flying around so you can continue to be undetected."

You gave Phasma a small grin, nodding your head in excitement. Phasma led you into the hangar and boarded one of the shuttles. She closed the ramp and sat in the pilot's seat so you sat in the copilot's seat. She pointed at a red button on the upper left side of the control panel.

"That starts the engines." She pressed the button then pointed to the silver button beside it. "This button pulls the ship off the ground. Once you have pressed this button you can begin flying." She pointed to the keypad that sat below the transmitter. "When you want to enter the hanger you have to enter your unique flying code so that they will put the shields down and allow you to land." She pressed the transmitter and spoke into it. "This is Captain Phasma requesting to exit the Finalizer on a flight training simulation."

The transmitter cackled and then a voice responded. 

"You are cleared."

Phasma stood and motioned you to switch places with her. You gulped but obliged moving into the pilot seat nervously.

Phasma was calm. You could tell she had been training for a long time now and she was a natural born leader. "Now just grab the steering controls and push them forward gently."

You did what she said and the shuttle moved forward and out of the hangar. Once you had left the range of the Finalizer's shields, Phasma continued her instructions.

"If you want to turn to the right you steer to the right and if you want to turn to the left you steer to the left. But you want to do it gently otherwise you'll be doing flips. Go ahead and try it."

You gently steered to the left and then the right. The ship followed your commands and you laughed a little, excited at how easily you were catching on. 

"Do you see the red buttons on the top of the steering controls?"

You nodded.

"Those are the buttons for your blasters. If you press them at the same time it will shoot out at your target." She pointed at the screen directly in front of you. "Once you start shooting this screen will turn on, showing you what is in range and helping you make a perfect shot."

You pressed on the buttons and the ship emitted a loud 'pew' as a red streak of light shot from the shuttle, disappearing into space. Phasma then pointed to a cluster of buttons next to the transmitter. 

"This is how you set hyperspeed," she paused looking into your eyes through hermetal helmet, "but I think you already learned that from when you saved Commander Ren."

The thought of Kylo made you shutter slightly. You were tired of fighting with him and you were really tired of sleeping alone. Phasma noticed your apparent change in attitude.

"Maybe we should head back," she suggested gently.

You nodded and turned the shuttle towards the Finalizer. As you grew near the shields Phasma entered her code and you engraved it into your memory, 1476925. A green light confirmed her code and you continued towards the hangar. Phasma motioned toward the black button under the red one.

"Press that, it's the landing gear."

You pushed it and the ship slowed as you steered it into the hangar, sinking to the ground before finally stopping and landing completely.

"Well done, Your Majesty. You are a natural."

When Phasma called you that it just felt wrong. "Too many people call me that. I don't think of you as merely a stormtrooper, Phasma. I think of you as a friend. Please call me by my name."

She smiled and bowed before exiting the ramp. Once at the bottom she turned, "If you ever need to sneak around again, I'm your girl. This ship could use some excitement." At that she marched away snapping at some stormtroopers who were slacking off.

You sighed as the adrenaline pumping through your veins slowly waned. This had been the most you had done in days and you reluctantly realized that you still had not completely recovered. You trudged back towards your chambers, lost in thought. A hundred questions passed through your mind. Would Kylo ever treat you as an equal? Would he ever respect your decisions? You turned the corner into the hallway that contained your chambers and was shocked out of your careless daze when you saw the unmistakeable figure standing a few yards away. You froze in your tracks and he did the same when he noticed you. You both stood staring at each other in awkward silence. Part of you begged you to run away but the other part of you wanted so badly to run into his arms. You forced your face into a soft expression and Kyo emitted a synthesized huff before turning and walking into his chambers. You watched sadly as he passed through the door frame. The door did not close behind him and the part of your brain that missed him took control. You followed him inside, timidly entering into the hallway. You walked into the kitchen and sat down in the seat that had a direct view of the doorway to the bedroom. A few minutes later Kylo exited the bedroom. He had removed his helmet, cloak, gloves, and tunic, now wearing only his pants, boots, and undershirt. He gave you a look that so clearly asked what do you want?

You took a deep breath fighting away all the emotions trying to consume you. "I don't want to fight, Kylo. I'm tired of fighting."

"Then stop trying to kill yourself," Kylo retorted.

You forced yourself to remain calm. "I am not going to apologize for what happened the other day. I didn't know that what I was doing could kill me. When I pulled the poison out of your body I didn't feel any effects so I figured this would be the same." You paused forcing yourself to look deeply into his brown eyes. "I won't do it again."

Kylo was unyileding, "and what about the other times? All of the times I've had to tell you to stop, to take a break?" His voice rose but he forced it back to its original icy calm. "You may think you didn't know but your body most certainly did. And yet it still let you pull that stunt. Deep down some small part of your brain is constantly trying to find opportunities to die." 

You laughed grimly, "Why does it matter? I don't have anything to live for anyway."

Kylo's eyes turned cold with anger and he clenched his fists. "Did you forget that you are the Queen of Malachor?"

You rolled your eyes. "Oh wow, queen of a planet that I've been to for one of the past six months," you said sarcastically.

"Then maybe it's time for you to go back to your planet like you suggested a few weeks ago," Kylo shot back.

You stood and slammed your hands against the table meeting his icy eyes with the flames in yours. "Maybe I should." You pushed past Kylo heading towards the door but stopped when he spoke again.

"If that's what you want." The sadness in his voice was almost imperceptible but still, there.

Your brain stalled. Was that what you wanted? Your body sagged at the realization you had made. There was nothing left for you on Malachor. You could no longer keep up the facade that you were indifferent about everything. You could no longer wield your silver lightsaber as if you were still neutral. You could no longer pretend that you hated every single man because the truth was, you didn't. You didn't hate Kylo. 

"No," you whispered. "That's not what I want." You couldn't force the next words out of your mouth so instead, you thought them. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be."

Kylo paced towards you, grabbing your shoulders and turning you to face him.

"Say it," he ordered.

You looked into his eyes and your mouth allowed you to repeat the words.

"I am exactly where I am supposed to be."

Kylo grabbed your jaw and pulled it towards his, kissing you roughly. Before you could kiss back he pulled away.

"Then start acting like it." You nodded and he let go. "Go to bed." 

He walked down the hall toward the bathroom and you tiredly obeyed his command. You walked into his bedroom, pulling off your dress and crawling into bed, allowing your body to sink into a deep sleep.


	24. Forget

You woke peacefully and when you opened your eyes you noticed that Kylo was still asleep next to you. You gently combed your hand through his soft black hair, admiring his face with a sense of awe. You knew if he was awake he wouldn't approve of your actions but you didn't care. It did not matter how many times you woke up next to Kylo, you didn't think you'd ever stop having that feeling. The beep of your transmitter on your bedside table snapped you out of your daze. You rolled out of bed and quickly slipped into a dress before taking the transmitter into the kitchen. You sat in a chair and clicked the transmitter, bringing the blue hologram of Lenna to life.

"Hello, Lenna. It's been a while since we last spoke. I'm sorry about that, I have been very busy lately."

Her concern was apparent even through the static glow. "My Queen I was so worried. There were rumors that you had been killed in battle. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Lenna, I just spent the night in the infirmary for a few days. It was no big deal."

Lenna relaxed slightly. "I need to discuss some things with you Your Majesty, but I think it would be best that you not return to Malachor right now. Is there somewhere we can meet undetected? I'm afraid this is rather important."

"Tattooine." 

You almost jumped out of your skin. Kylo had snuck up on you so quietly that you had not noticed him until he answered the question.

"Tattooine?" Lenna asked. 

"Yes. I have been a few times. Nothing good ever comes out of that wasteland." He paused as if an old memory had pushed its way to the surface. "Go to Mos Eisley's Cantina. Smugglers go there to make deals so no one will be suspicious of the two of you."

Lenna looked to you for approval and you nodded. "I'll meet you there in an hour."

Lenna's figure disappeared and you turned to raise an eyebrow at Kylo. 

"Not that I need your permission," you paused, "but I can go?"

Kylo grabbed your arm pulling you up towards him, and placing a hand on the back of your neck.

"Don't think I've forgotten what I said a few weeks ago. I don't easily forget when someone disregards my position of power. If you were anyone else you would be dead already. However, you are going to pay for disrespecting me. If you choose to return in a lesser condition than the one you are leaving in," he grabbed the zipper of your dress slowly pulling it down your back, "you'll only make it worse for yourself."

Your legs grew warm and you shuddered slightly. Kylo grabbed your head, bending it to the side so his mouth could attack the area of skin where your neck and shoulder met. He sucked a red circle into the skin and thrust his hips into yours. You moaned quietly and tried to push your hips into his but he pulled away, smirking when your dress fell off your arms, revealing your chest to him. 

"Something to look forward to," he commented slyly. 

You crossed your arms and gave him a small pout but that only seemed to egg him on even more. You grumbled and walked into the closet to change into the shirt and pants you wore for combat. As an afterthought, you dug around in your closet until you found a tan cloak. You had never been to Tattooine but you trusted Kylo when he said nothing good happened there. No one could know who you truly were if you were going to meet with Lenna in true secrecy. You placed the cloak over your arms and walked out of your chambers heading towards the hangar. You spotted the familiar shape of the shuttle you had trained on and walked towards it. You stepped onto the ramp closing it behind you and moved into the pilot's seat. You were relieved that you knew how to fly now. This was not the kind of mission you could take reinforcements on. You started the engines then pressed the transmitter.

"This is the Queen requesting permission to leave for Tattoine."

"Did you say the Queen?" A voice responded through the transmitter. Almost immediately after they quickly choked out an "all clear," and you chuckled knowing that Kylo must have been behind that.

You flew out of the hangar and set the hyperspeed for Tatooine. You watched in awe as the galaxy flew by in a blur. It was yet another thing you would never get tired of seeing. The ship exited hyperspeed and you landed on the outer rim of the desert planet so that no one would notice your First Order shuttle. You put your tan cloak on, pulling the hood over your head and trudged towards the town in the distance. You wished Kylo had warned you how hot and sandy this planet would be. You made a mental note to yell at him about that. The sand was ankle deep and you wondered if you would ever be able to get it out from between your toes. Once you had entered the main walkway you began searching for something that resembled a cantina. After searching for a while, you finally enlisted the help of a passing person.

"Do you know where Mos Eisley's Cantina is?"

The man looked you up and down, smiling slightly to show his chipped golden teeth. The smell of alcohol on him was rancid and you wondered when he had bathed last.

"Down the street to the left. But a pretty girl such as yourself shouldn't be going there." He grabbed your waist, "a pretty girl like you should be coming home with me."

You calmly moved your cape just enough so he could see the black lightsaber hanging from your belt. "I think you want to let go of me."

He quickly let go and staggered away as quickly as his drunk body would let him go. You followed his directions and came upon the cantina. You pulled your hood further over your head and walked in. The loud music jarred you slightly. You realized it had been a long time since you had heard music. And you wondered if you had ever heard music like this. The song was lively and if you hadn't had years of proper training you might have even tapped your foot to the beat. You noticed a hooded figure sitting at a booth in the back and walked towards it. The figure looked at you as you approached, confirming that it was, in fact, Lenna. You sat across from her placing your hands on the table.

She looked around making sure no one was close enough to hear what she was about to say. Content with her assessment she turned, giving you a small smile before quietly blurting out her confession. "I'm pregnant."

You sucked in a quick breath, vision blurring slightly from the shock of her news. Of all the things she could have told you, this was the one that made your head spin.

"You're pregnant," you repeated.

Lenna waited for you to take in the news and you realized she had a faint pregnancy glow.

"I just found out, Your Majesty."

You sucked in a breath struggling to regain focus. "And it's..."

Lenna nodded, "without a shadow of a doubt Your Majesty."

You pulled Lenna's hands into your own. Looking deep into her eyes. 

"This child... isn't safe on Malachor, even if it is a girl. Malachor is too unstable. I know it is your home and I know I have already asked so much, too much of you but-"

"I understand."

You paused, finally voicing a concern you had been having for a while now. "I fear- I sense that soon the darkness will consume me completely. I... I don't want to know where you take it."

"My Queen I-"

You stood giving her hands one last squeeze before letting go, "you will be fine, Lenna. You are the strongest person I know."

You turned and walked out of the cantina, heading back towards your shuttle. The noise of traders bustling around was drowned out by your shock. You forced your mind to calm itself as you marched up the ramp. You sat in the pilot's seat and massaged your temples. No one can know, you thought. You closed your eyes and imagined the memory of what had just happened being put into a box inside your mind. You triple-locked the box convincing your mind to forget what had just occurred. You would never think of that child again, not even for the sake of your own life. You opened your eyes and began the flight back towards the Finalizer.


	25. Rise

You walked into Kylo's chambers and leaned against the wall in the hallway. You had been forced to sit through boring meetings for what felt like days. In reality, it had only been one. Once you had returned from your mission to Tatooine, Hux had decided to take advantage of your recovered state to assign you to all the assignments that he knew Kylo was too impatient to do. That meant signing official papers, listening to idiot generals speak of all their accomplishments (which were none), and ordering around the officers on the bridge when Huz was too busy to do so. You had just gone through a large stack of paperwork, finally giving up when the words started to blend together. 

After finally regaining the ability to see you walked into the kitchen, grabbing an apple and biting into it. The door to Kylo's chambers shot open and the sound of Kylo's unmistakeable boots echoed down the hallway. He walked into the bedroom, removing his helmet as he moved towards the closet. By the angry sound of his boots being thrown against the wall, you could tell that his day had not gone any better than yours. You decided to try and lighten the mood.

"I don't think Hux got the memo about not working me to death," you joked as you placed your apple on the counter and stepped towards the doorframe. "I don't think I'll ever be able to see straight again."

Kylo stepped out of the closet wearing only his undergarments now. His mood had obviously changed from anger to determination and you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach. He drank in your figure and stepped closer, a look of hunger in his eyes. 

"Not after I'm done with you, you won't."

You gulped nervously. You had really thought Kylo would forget about what he had said earlier. You watched helplessly as he advanced towards you. Your mind searched desperately for something to say but came up hopelessly blank. Kylo placed his hands on your shoulders and pushed you against the door frame. His eyes were black with lust and your legs quivered in anticipation. In seconds his body was on you as he kissed your lips feverishly. You wrapped a leg around him and he thrust into you before pulling back to examine your body yet another time.

As much as you wanted to just melt into his arms, you refused to give in. "Is that all you've got," you teased.

As soon as the words left your mouth you knew you were going to regret them. Kylo grabbed your hair and pulled it down, forcing your eyes to stare at the ceiling.

"If I were you I would hold my tongue. At the rate you're going, you won't be able to walk correctly for the rest of the week."

Your body trembled in excitement and you went to grab at his shirt but Kylo let go of your hair and grabbed your hands. He pulled you off the doorframe and into the bedroom, forcing you against the wall. He pushed both your hands above your head with one hand, using the other one to pull your shirt over your head. You shivered as the cold air hit your chest, and you knew that beneath your bra your nipples were rock solid. Once Kylo had removed your shirt he traced a hand down your chest before forcing it into your pants and past your underwear. He kneed your legs apart and teased your clit with his fingers. You sighed as sparks of electricity shot up your body. Kylo moved his hand down to tease your entrance and before you could brace yourself, pushed a finger into your opening. You shuddered and he gave you an evil smile as he added another finger, moving them inside of you. You tried to move your arms but knew it was no use. In response, Kylo added a third finger and you gasped as both pleasure and pain ripped through you.

"Now are you going to behave?"

But you weren't ready to give up yet. You gave Kylo the best smirk you possibly could while silently struggling to withhold the noises begging to exit your mouth. "Do I ever?" 

Your moment of clarity ended swiftly when Kylo let go of your hands and grabbed your throat. He pulled his fingers out of your opening and forced them into your mouth. As an instinct, you began sucking on them and Kylo pushed them farther into your mouth, making you gag.

"It's about time I taught that disgusting mouth a lesson, don't you think?"

Tears bit at your eyes as Kylo pushed his fingers even deeper into your throat.

"Answer me," he demanded.

You nodded and tried to agree verbally, but between Kylo's finger in your mouth and his other hand crushing your windpipe, it was impossible. Kylo pulled his fingers out of your mouth and stepped back.

"Strip," he ordered.

"I..." you protested but swallowed your words when you saw Kylo's expression. This was not a request, it was a demand. 

You decided to make this as slow and painful as possible for him. You undid the front of your belt and then inched it through your belt loops and off your body, letting it drop to the floor. Then you undid the button of your pants slowly pulling them over your hips. You kicked off your boots and pulled the pants completely off your legs making sure Kylo had a good view of your ass as you took them off. He released a short breath and you could tell your efforts were working. You reached behind and unclasped your bra, letting it fall to the floor as you wrapped your fingers on each side of your underwear. As slowly as you possibly could you pulled them down, making direct eye contact with Kylo the entire time. He bit his bottom lip at the sight of your completely exposed body and stepped forward slowly, but deliberately. He encircled you taking in every single square of exposed skin while simultaneously removing his shirt. Once he was behind you, Kylo traced one finger down your back and you shivered. He placed one hand on your stomach and jerked you into him using the other to move your head as he attacked your neck mercilessly. The resistance you had been holding onto began melting away as adrenaline coursed through your body. The hand that had been on your stomach traced its way down to your mound drawing circles on the skin before grabbing it tightly. You gasped arching your back so that your head was on Kylo's chest but your stomach was sticking out. You felt his smile against your skin as he whispered deeply into your ear.

"Are you ready to behave?"

As much as your body was begging you to say yes, your mind refused to cave.

"Behave?" Your voice was thick. "Why would I want to do that?"

Kylo bit into your neck deep enough to draw blood and you exhaled in a hiss. He grabbed your legs and waist pulling you up towards his chest before throwing you on the bed. Before you had time to squirm away Kylo had retrieved your belt from the floor pulling your hands above your head and tying them to the headboard. Then he retrieved your pants using a leg of the fabric to tie around your mouth as a gag.

"I don't want to hear one more thing out of that filthy mouth." He bit at your ear and you whimpered in response. 

Kylo shifted his gaze to your cold nipples, giving you one last evil grin before diving in. He pulled your right breast into his mouth and massaged the left with his hand. You closed your eyes and moaned softly into the course material covering your mouth as waves of pleasure rolled over you. Kylo unlatched himself and traced a wet trail off of your nipple and down to your stomach. He sucked red circles all the way to the inside of your thigh. At the feeling of his lips so close to your entrance, you bucked your hips into his face. Kylo laughed and crawled back towards your face reaching for the make-shift gag and untying it.

"Behave," he ordered sternly and you nodded silently.

Wasting no time, Kylo pulled your legs apart teasing the area where your legs met your mound before moving between your folds and latching onto your clit. You did your best to silence the whimpers fighting to escape your mouth, afraid that if you spoke he would stop. Kylo swirled his tongue around your clit at a steady pace and you felt yourself climbing the mountain towards your impending orgasm. He stopped his motions and pulled your clit passed his teeth, sucking violently. Your legs shook as you felt yourself reaching the peak of your euphoria. With one last violent sweep of the tongue, Kylo sent you over the edge and you let forth a scream as intense waves of pleasure crashed into you. Kylo continued to rattle your clit with his tongue as you moaned uncontrollably until finally, the aftershocks passed. He let go of your clit and looked into your cloudy eyes smiling wickedly as he removed his pants, revealing his hard dick to you. You shuddered at the thought of him inside of you. Kylo did not make you wait long. He positioned himself over your opening and made eye contact with you as he sunk in slowly then pulled back out. You withheld your gasp of pain as he pushed back in more forcefully than before. Kylo picked up the pace and before long he was pounding into you at a rapid rate. Your mind struggled to silence the string of cuss words threatening to escape your mouth.

"Fuck you feel so good," Kylo grunted as he hammered so hard into you that you felt him hit your cervix.

You moaned uncontrollably and in response, he dug his fingers into your legs. Kylo pulled out of you and forced your mouth open with his hands, squirting cum into your mouth. You swallowed obediently as he rode your mouth through the end of his orgasm. Finally, Kylo pulled out and untied your arms. They fell to the bed numbly as you lay there in shock. Kylo had, in fact, succeeded in preventing you from seeing straight so you watched as the ceiling tiles blurred together then back apart. 

You didn't realize you were being carried until the warm water of the shower hit your body, knocking you out of your daze. Kylo let go of your legs but held you upright by holding your chest to his, He washed slow circles down your back and you closed your eyes contently focusing on Kylo's heartbeat. He gently pulled your head away so that he could wipe away the cum still on your face. Once he was pleased with his work, Kylo turned off the water. He let go of you to grab a towel but returned almost immediately and wrapped it around your body. He reached down and grabbed your legs, slinging you over his shoulder, and carrying you back towards the bedroom. He tossed you on the bed, pulling the covers over your head before disappearing back into the bathroom, presumably to clean himself off. You rolled into a ball and within seconds fell asleep to the gentle sound of the shower.


	26. Fall

Indescribably powerful. That's how you felt strutting down the halls of the Finalizer at Kylo's side. As your heels clicked on the tile, people rushed out of your way. The obvious fear in their eyes only fueled your evergrowing fire. The sleeves of your black dress hung off your shoulders and the fabric on your chest met in a 'v' shape. The slit in your dress allowed the cool air of the Finalizer to travel up your thigh as you sauntered down the hallways. Kylo kept a reserved silence but occasionally peered at you through his mask, observing your fairly exposed body. You silently wondered if he thought it was much but Kylo looked away in response. You strode onto the bridge and Hux took a temporary break from his daily yelling to acknowledge both of you.

"I need a second to take in this sweet moment where the sound of you two bickering is not present," he smirked.

You crossed your arms and gave him a warning glare. Hux wiped the smile off his face and returned to his all-business attitude.

"Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence as soon as possible."

You knew there was a Supreme Leader but had never heard his name spoken aloud. You wondered if you could accompany Kylo and meet this mystery man. Hux noticed your confused expression and clarified himself.

"He wants to speak with you alone."

Kylo nodded, "I will leave right now."

You raised an eyebrow at Hux, wanting more of an explanation. He simply shifted his gaze toward Kylo then back toward you shaking his head to indicate it was better you not ask. Your mood changed to frustration at not being included in whatever common knowledge you were missing. You gave him a small huff and followed Kylo off the bridge as he walked towards the hangar. Your mind was full of questions that were too confusing to voice aloud. You didn't even know where to begin. Who was this man? What does he have to do with Kylo? Why couldn't you meet him. You realized with a start that you were in the hangar and you straightened yourself so people would at least think you were all-knowing. Kylo walked towards his shuttle and you followed him to the ramp. He finally turned, taking off his helmet and holding it to his side.

"Snoke is the one who pulled me to the Dark Side. He taught me everything I know about the force," he stated calmly. "I assume he will want to meet you eventually, I will ask him about it."

Kylo placed his helmet back on his head and turned to walk up the ramp.

"Don't do anything stupid," you instructed.

Kylo emitted a small synthesized laugh. "How could I? I'm leaving all the stupid with you."

You emitted a huff, crossing your arms as you watched the shuttle disappearing into space. Once you could no longer see the tiny dot of Kylo's ship you turned and strutted out of the hangar back towards the bridge. Hux greeted you with a curt nod as you stepped towards him.

"I want to know more about the Supreme Leader," you demanded. 

Hux turned nervously to see if anyone was listening in on your conversation. His body was stiff and he acted as if he felt he was being watched by someone.

"Not here," he finally muttered.

You followed him off the bridge and into a meeting room where he promptly closed the door and locked it. You could sense his anxiousness from a mile away.

"Leader Snoke is a very mysterious person. I have met with him several times but he only ever gives me orders. I know nothing of his personal life or his intentions." He paused stepping forward to emphasize his point. "Snoke is not someone to fool with, do you understand?"

You reached for the pitcher sitting in the middle of the table, pouring yourself a glass of water before meeting Hux's gaze. You bobbed your head trying to give a convincing nod but he shook his head.

"No, I don't think you do. Every single planet we have destroyed, genocide we have committed, or land we have conquered, has been because he ordered us to do so. Sure Ren has his little fits of anger and demands we destroy a planet but Snoke... Snoke is so much worse." 

Hux's expression was a mix of fear and seriousness that told you he was in no way joking. You took a deep breath and nodded before taking a sip of water. Hux relaxed his stiff figure, evidently relieved with your response. He unlocked the door and after giving you one last glare, exited the room. You sat in a chair and placed your head in your heads. If Snoke was so powerful why had he never wanted to meet you? Why had Kylo never spoken of him before? You were startled from your thoughts by a sharp knock. The door was opened Phasma's glittering armor was revealed to you. 

"My Queen, I mean..." She spoke your name firmly and you smiled standing to greet her.

"How can I be of service, Captain?"

"Today a new wave of stormtroopers are graduating from the academy and normally Hux gives the graduation speech but I thought you might be a better alternative. Hux tends to make very long and boring speeches." 

You pondered her offer. "Is Hux okay with that?"

"Well I have not told him yet but I am sure if he thinks it was your idea he would be slow to argue with it." Even through her mask, you could sense the hints of a smile and you grinned back.

"I'm sure he will think of it as a refreshing change in pace. Yes I would be more than happy to thank you, Phasma."

She gave you a small bow and exited the room. You stood from your chair and went in search of the seamstress Elizabeth. If you were going to deliver a speech you were going to wear something better than the simple but beautiful black dresses she had been creating for you. As you were walking down the hallway you heard your name being called. You turned and saw Isa walking towards you.

"Isa," you acknowledged as you continued walking. 

"Your Majesty I have not seen you since you left to speak with Lenna. How did it go?"

"Oh it was fine," you stalled. "Tattoine is a dump but Kylo had warned me of that in advance."

"Where is Commander Ren?"

"He left for a meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke. I assume he will be back sometime this evening."

"Snoke," Isa repeated nervously.

"Yes are you aware of him," you asked.

"It's just, well... I have heard some pretty terrible things about him. Is it true he knows everything?" She tensed at the thought and glanced around the hall

"Well I'm sure he doesn't know everything but yes, if he is as powerful as he is rumored to be then he certainly knows a lot."

"So hypothetically, he knows who the other person responsible for your mother's death is?"

You froze. Everything on Malachor had been so heat-of-the-moment that you had forgotten about the other person. Something about Isa's tone struck you as being suspicious but you brushed it off.

"Yes... He might."

At your apparent change in tone Isa quickly changed the subject. "So where are you going?"

"Well I'm actually here," you said, stopping at the door bearing a 'seamstress' sign. 

You pressed the button that opened the door and it shot open, revealing a room with mostly black fabric strewn around. The middle-aged woman with white streaks woven in her blonde hair stood to acknowledge you.

"How can I be of service, Your Majesty?"

"I have to give a speech later and seem to be a little... underdressed..." You moved your leg to indicate the slit traveling up your thigh and she nodded.

"I may have just the thing. I was actually saving this dress for the next First Order officer dinner but I suppose it will work for this as well."

She stepped behind a shelf that was stacked to the ceiling with fabric. When she returned she was holding a one-strap dress that faded from black into red at the bottom.

You raised an eyebrow. "Red?"

"I can dye it black if you want Your Majesty," she replied quickly.

You shook your head holding up your hands to calm her. "No no, I like it." You paused to examine the jewels on the strap and gave Elizabeth a small smile. "Maybe every once in a while you could make me a red dress. Black can get very drab sometimes."

She brightened at the idea and handed you the garment. You stepped behind the shelf and took off your current dress before slipping into the new one. Isa zipped you up and you thanked Elizabeth as you exited. You headed towards the hangar since that was the only place large enough to give a speech to large groups. The second you entered the hangar, every single officer and stormtrooper in attendance saluted you. Your heart fluttered in excitement but you kept your movements even and controlled. You stepped to the podium and Captain Phasma ordered an "at ease" from her position next to you. You took a controlled breath and began the speech you had prepared in your head.

"Congratulations. You have made the correct decision to fight for the First Order and all it stands for. You will be upheld to the highest standards. You each will play a pivotal role in our fight to bring order to the galaxy. You have trained incredibly hard for this moment and we are here to admire your accomplishments. I am sure this will be a fine batch of troops who are willing to put their lives on the line in the name of peace and prosperity. So go serve the First Order knowing that you can be proud of everything you stand for. Go serve with unwavering loyalty. Go serve as trusted troops of the First Order!"

Applause filled the room as you finished your speech. You stepped down from the podium and the room fell silent in another salute. You suddenly felt woozy but ignored the feeling as you exited the hangar. You decided it would be best to lie down for a little bit and began trudging towards your chambers. An officer walking towards you froze immediately when they made eye contact with you, a horrified expression was plastered on their face.

"What," you snapped causing them to back away.

"Your lips," the officer stuttered. "They are blue, Your Majesty."

You didn't have to look in a mirror to know they were right. Your brain suddenly became hyperaware of the foreign liquid traveling through your system. You turned and staggered towards the infirmary. The walls spun around you as you stumbled through the door. A doctor noticed your pale face and ran to catch you as you forced yourself to mutter one word.

"Poison," you gasped. "I've been poisoned."

You collapsed into the doctor's arms and watched numbly as your vision turned black.


	27. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: near-death experience, emotional break-up

Your mind slowly pulled you into a drab consciousness. You realized you were laying in the dirt. Confused, you sat up, rubbing your eyes before taking in your surroundings. Tall, grey trees that held no foliage spanned for miles in every direction. You peered through the dead trees but saw no end in sight. The fog looming around you made it almost impossible to see. You examined your hands trying to decide if you were dreaming or not. You decided that you had to be dreaming but decided to explore anyway. You stood and brushed the dirt off your combat clothing, silently wondering why you weren't wearing your dress. As you peered into the distance you saw a figure beckoning for you so you trekked towards it. As you grew closer you realized in dismay that it was your mother.

"Dammit, Kylo's going to kill me." You paused laughing coldly at the irony of your words. "Except I'm already dead aren't I?"

Your mother opened her mouth but the voice that escaped was not her own. "Oh no, you are very much alive, I am afraid. The attempt on your life was obviously a rush job. Your attacker didn't even spring for the good stuff." He sighed as if 'not springing for the good stuff' was a cardinal sin. "But yes, I expect Kylo Ren will be very angry when he returns."

You staggered backward, recognizing the deep and menacing voice in fear. "You spoke to me in a dream. You said I should de- destroy Kylo. Who are you," you demanded.

"I said you had the ability to destroy the boy not that you should actually do it." He rolled his eyes, "We really do need to stop meeting like this. Dreams are a terrible form of communication."

"I guess someone just needs to finish the goddamn job for once," you commented coldly.

At this, the mysterious voice emitted a humorless laugh. "That would be a waste of your potential, child. So much potential you have; If only I had sensed your abilities long ago, we could have avoided wasting so much time... But do not worry we will be meeting very soon."

"Whoever you are, I don't want to meet you." You turned away from your mother's body but ran straight into Adira's. You gasped in shock and jumped away in fear as the voice spoke through her. 

"Oh yes, you do. You want someone to unlock your full potential. To give you what your mother neglected to teach you. You want to become the most powerful woman in the galaxy, and I am the only one who can give you what you want." He sighed, "I am afraid our time is up. Once you have found the person who is trying to kill you, you will be strong enough for us to begin. That is, if the shock does not kill you."

Before you could respond your body fell out of your dreamscape and back into the bright lights of the medbay.

"Dammit!" You yelled as you shot up in bed. Every container in the room exploded from your sudden burst of rage and your frightened doctor jumped back in surprise. He quickly exited the room before you could do any physical damage to him. You surveyed the room and noticed Phasma sitting in the metal chair placed in the corner. Her helmet was sitting in her lap and she calmly wiped fluid from an IV off her face. You focused on her facial features as your brain began to calm. You realized that you had never seen her face before. Her blonde hair hung around her oval face which was drawn into a guarded expression. You silently wondered where Kylo was.

"He has not yet returned," Phasma assured you before you could even ask.

Something inside of you broke. Your face contorted into a sob as your mind attacked you with the ugly reality of what had happened. Tears streamed down your face as you gasped for air. Phasma calmly stood and walked towards the bed. She knelt down and gently pulled your hands into her own. You were too upset to be confused by this small bit of affection. You leaned into her shoulder and choked out small cries of anguish.

"I should have known, I-" you shuddered. "How did I not know? I'm so stupid, so incredibly stupid. I can't even keep my self alive how am I supposed to rule the galaxy?" You doubled over, allowing Phamsa to support your entire body. "How will I ever earn anyone's respect? I'm just... I'm so stupid," you whispered.

Phasma shushed you softly as she waited for you sobs to slow. Once you had regained control of your breathing she pulled away, staring calmly into your eyes. You looked away, embarrassed of your vulnerable state. 

"Look at me," Phasma ordered. You obediently met her gaze. "You are not stupid. You made a mistake. Just because you are a queen does not mean you can't make mistakes it just means you learn from them and move forward. It means you find whoever poisoned you and you give them a slow and painful death." Her eyes were cold now as if she would like nothing better than to find this person and destroy them.

"But I... I should have known," you whispered as you fought tears from reentering your eyes. 

"The poison was a weak attempt at your life. Without treatment, you would have at the most been in a coma for a few months, but it would not have killed you. Maybe it was just not potent enough to detect," she suggested.

You knew Phasma was right but the failure you felt was eating at your mind. You refused to allow this weakness.

"That is unacceptable. I have to get stronger. I have to be more powerful. I need to be indestructible. From now on, you and I are going to train every day. I won't rest until I can even defeat my own husband."

"Which will be never."

Phasma quickly let go of your hands to stand at attention as Kylo stomped into the room. His face was flushed in anger and exertion as he sat in the metal chair in the corner. He ran his fingers through his hair and you could tell he was using up every bit of energy he had to prevent himself from yelling at you in front of Phasma. 

"Captain Phasma," you said as calmly as you possibly could. "I will see you bright and early tomorrow to begin training." 

If you couldn't spare yourself from Kylo's wrath the least you could do was spare Phasma. Your eyes asked her to leave and she nodded, grabbing her helmet from its place by your bed and exiting the room with a quick bow. The silence that followed was awkward at best as you fought over what to say inside your head. Would Kylo think this was another attempt to die? Would he believe you if you told the truth? You finally decided to just let it out.

"This was not me trying to kill myself. The poison would not have even killed me. Please believe me Kylo I-"

"I know," he cut you off. 

You were stunned into silence. "You know?"

Kylo took his hands out of his hair and looked up at you. "I know," he confirmed. 

The look in his eyes was one of deep agony. If you didn't know any better you would have thought he was experiencing a heavy loss. Another piece of your heart chipped away at the thought of him in this much pain.

"Who died?" Your voice was as somber as his eyes and he looked away as if whatever was happening truly hurt him. "Please Kylo just tell me," you begged. 

He stared into his hands, examining the lines on his palms as he spoke, "people who get close to me get hurt, or they betray me, or they... die. That can't happen to you. You can't- you- you can't die."

You wondered where this was going. "Are you forgetting about my mother and Adira? It's not like I'm any better."

Kylo seemed to be slowly caving in on himself as if the weight of his burden was crushing him. He clenched his fists as he studied the tile floor. You sensed his reluctant resolve and braced yourself for a fight. Finally, he met your gaze with his own sad desperation. 

"I can't do it," his voice cracked as he spoke your name. "I can't do it anymore." He paused. "I won't," he decided firmly.

He stood and placed his mask back over his sorrowful face before exiting in a whirl of robes and angry marching. You watched from your upright position in bed as the person you cared for possibly the most exited your life. There had been no fight, no bargain, he had simply left. You were too shocked to cry, too shocked to feel. Instead, you just sat there and watched as the pieces of glass strewn on the floor shattered into even smaller particles like your heart.


	28. Damage

It had been three weeks since you had seen Kylo Ren but it felt like an eternity. Every day was its own special kind of torture. You would wake up every morning and expect to see him beside you but you were only met with the cold, hard truth. Your brain would automatically look for his black swooshing cape as you walked the halls. But the fact had still remained, he was gone. He had left on a 'mission for Snoke' but you knew that was utter bullshit. No mission took three weeks to complete. Hux remained blissfully unaware of your affairs and as hard as it was to pretend that you were okay, you kept him out of the loop. You threw yourself into training with Phasma and doing Kylo's job and by the second week you slept on the floor or not at all. The bed was too big of a reminder for you. You realized with dismay that bags were forming under your eyes as you stared at yourself through the mirror in your bathroom. You would have to cover those up. You refused to look weak. You wouldn't even let yourself cry except occasionally at night. You couldn't afford to walk around the Finalizer with puffy and bloodshot eyes. You snapped yourself out of your daze and walked out of the bathroom. Isa sat at the kitchen table and you greeted her with a curt nod. She observed the deep blue and black coloring under your eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"When is the last time you slept?" 

Her tone was that of a concerned mother and you wilted into the seat across from her. You placed your arms on the table and laid your head on them. 

"I can't remember," you muttered.

"What's wrong Your Majesty? Why aren't you sleeping?"

You turned your face away from Isa, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Commander Ren has been gone a while... Does this have anything to do with that," she pressed.

You closed your eyes, trying unsuccessfully to keep his face out of your mind. You wondered if he thought of you as much as you thought of him. Your brain decided that he probably didn't. He doesn't care about you, your brain screamed.

"Do you remember that day I was in the hospital because I was poisoned?" Isa nodded solemnly. "Kylo blames himself. He thinks it is because I am too close to him. He- I don't know, broke up with me I guess? We are still married of course, but now it is nothing more than a political agreement."

"Do you think he will come back?"

"To the Finalizer? I'm sure he will. People would start talking if he didn't."

"No, Your Majesty, do you think he will come back to you?"

"Kylo Ren is not one to change his mind easily. I honestly don't know."

You realized as you spoke those words that you were no longer sad. You were angry. Angry that Kylo had run away like a coward. Angry that he didn't think you could fend for yourself. Angry at whoever had poisoned you. 

"So does that mean we are going back to Malachor?"

You thought for a second. "I don't know yet Isa. It's definitely a big possibility but I will have to think about it."

"Well, I will leave you to your thoughts then." She stood and bowed before exiting your chambers.

You wondered if you should go back to Malachor. Part of you wanted to escape to your home planet more than anything. But the other part of you told you no. You couldn't run, not like Kylo. You were better than that. You would stay and you would show everyone who was truly in charge. You would find the person who poisoned you and you would give them the worst death imaginable. You stood and walked back into the bathroom. You covered your bags with layers of color corrector and concealer until they were no longer visible. You walked into your closet and stared at the vast selection of black dresses. Of course, they were all beautiful, but none of them felt right. It was like you were going to a funeral. As you dug through one dress caught your eye. It was a deep red and you grabbed it out of your closet eagerly. The dress was long-sleeved and the chest was cut into a deep v that met at your stomach. You slipped it on and observed the large slit running up your thigh. It was perfect. In that moment you decided you were done being sad, you were done letting Kylo Ren take up any space in your brain. You took every image, every memory of Kylo Ren, and built an indestructible wall around them, blocking them from the rest of your brain. You zipped up your dress and walked out of your chambers with your head held high, heels clicking menacingly against the tile. You didn't even know where you were going. You ached for some sort of revenge. Some way you could hurt Kylo as bad as he had hurt you. Your body froze as you laid your eyes on the perfect form of vengeance. Before your mind could stop you your body was already leading you towards vengeance. 

"I need to speak with you privately, please."

"Of course, Your Majesty." She dismissed the troops standing around her and turned to face you. "Right this way."

She led you through the hangar and into a room filled with servers that spanned from the floor to the ceiling. She closed the door behind you and removed her helmet, placing it on a chair stationed in front of one of the massive servers.

"What is it," Phamsa spoke your name gently.

You decided it was best to be upfront with her. "I haven't been completely honest with you. Although, I'm sure you have probably pieced most of this together yourself. For you Commander Ren being gone this long is probably suspicious, right?"

She nodded then spoke timidly. "That day in the hospital after I left... I know it is none of my business but what happened?"

"He told me he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't be with me because he thinks it puts me at risk of attacks and some other bullshit. And now he is somewhere in the galaxy hiding from his problems."

She rolled her eyes. "Men are so dumb. He's going to wake up one day and realize that he did the most stupid thing in the galaxy. I guarantee he will be back in your arms by the end of the week."

You shook your head. "I don't want him back. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him." You paused plastering your best carefree expression onto your face. "He was just a distraction anyway."

Phasma raised her eyebrows. "I'm sure you just think that because you are angry. You don't really mean it." She crossed her arms and you echoed her movement.

You stared into her eyes with firm intention. "Yes I do," you said with chilling certainty.

You took a step towards Phasma and she backed into one of the servers anchored into the wall.

"Yes I do," you repeated confidently. "He means nothing to me. All we ever had was meaningless sex." Your voice had dropped an octave as you advanced towards her.

"Are you sure," she asked firmly.

You took another confidant step. 

"Yes."

Her lips were on yours in an instant and you leaned into the armor covering her body. One of her hands was on your back and the other on your waist, and yours were traveling through her blonde hair. You kissed with a feverish desire and she responded by tracing her hand up your back and pulling your zipper down to your waist. Her gloved hands examined every inch of your back as you pushed your tongue past the part in her lips. She pulled your dress off your shoulders and your chest was exposed to her cool armor. Your legs ached for friction and you ground your hips against Phasma's leg. 

She broke your kiss. "We can't. We can't do this," she breathed. "It doesn't matter that you don't love him, you are still married to him. And what we just did... if anyone found out- it's treason," she whispered."

You pulled away. "I'm so sorry I wasn't even thinking. I didn't mean to put you in any danger but please know, I would never betray you to Kylo." You zipped up your dress and smoothed it out. "You should probably leave first."

Phasma replaced her helmet on her head and marched out the door. You turned and leaned against a server as you slowly returned to a normal rate of breathing. You ran a hand over your hair, attempting to fix any fly-aways. Once you felt you were presentable you exited the room and strolled out of the hangar. Your heart pumped happily with newfound confidence. You sauntered down the hall towards the bridge and greeted Hux with a small nod. 

He gave you a tight smile. "Oh good, you're here. Ren should be arriving very soon."

Your stomach suddenly twisted into knots and you knew Hux was only partially correct.

"He's already here," you muttered.


	29. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fondly refer to this chapter as: “Rubbing Salt in the Wound” :)

Your fight or flight reflexes begged you to run and hide but your resolve kept you firm in your spot. Your senses were working at twice their normal pace and you turned on cue as Kylo Ren sauntered onto the bridge. You could feel every officer immediately tense up as he stomped towards you and Hux. You crossed your arms and forced your face to be a blank and uncaring slate.

"How was your mission," Hux offered dryly.

"Succesful," Kylo responded unenthusiastically. 

You felt his eyes traveling down your body through his mask and you knew the dress had done its job. You reminded yourself to thank Elizabeth for completing a red dress as you had requested.

If Hux sensed any tension he did a fantastic job at ignoring it. "Well, you will be pleased to hear that your lovely wife has had no more near misses with death and the Finalizer has been operating without a hitch in your absence." You could almost hear Hux silently encouraging Kylo to stay gone longer next time.

"Yes I am still alive much to your dismay I'm sure," you sarcastically jabbed at Hux.

"Ah yes it rather unfortunate," he retorted.

"If you don't need me for anything else Hux, I should get going, I have work to do."

He shook his head in a no and you strutted off the bridge, making sure to brush against Kylo's shoulder as you passed him. You turned left to head towards a vacant meeting room that you could do your work in but were deterred from your mission as a hand gripped your arm and pulled you in the other direction. You were led down a secluded hallway and pushed into the wall.

"What the hell are you wearing," Kylo demanded.

You smirked, "oh this?" You motioned towards your dress as if it was boring and outdated. "I found it in the back of my closet. Why? Is there something wrong with it," you asked innocently.

He grabbed your hands and forced them against the wall. "You don't get to walk around my ship looking like a whore. Especially, when I'm not here."

Your eyes turned icy. "I don't take orders from anybody who hides behind a mask."

Anger radiated off of Kylo's body in waves of heat. "Then I think it's about damn time you got off my ship. Go be a slut on your own planet."

"Fine," you commented indifferently. "I'll be off this hellhole of a ship by dinner time. That will give you enough time to find a perfect little submissive wife who will obey your every fucking command." 

You yanked your arms out of his grip and removed your wedding band from your finger. You calmly placed the black diamond-encrusted ring in his hand and pushed past him, stomping towards your chambers. You felt his eyes watching you as you strutted away. 

///

You dug through your closet, occasionally pulling out a dress and throwing it onto the pile laying on your bed. You didn't know if it would be considered stealing for you to take dresses that had been provided by the First Order but you didn't care. You were not about to let them recycle your dresses on the next girl Kylo seduced. You wondered how long he would wait to find someone to fill your position. Would he argue with them as he did with you? Would he go on missions with them? Or would he just use them for sex then discard them when things got too difficult? Your eyes wandered to the black double-hilted lightsaber that sat on your nightstand. You walked over and picked it up, tracing the circles that were etched into the hilt. You remembered when Kylo had given it to you. In that moment, you had felt so complete, so safe. How could I have been so stupid, you thought miserably. You placed the saber back on the nightstand. It held too many memories. You couldn't take it with you. You opened the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out your own silver-hilted saber. You hooked it to the velvet belt that wrapped around the waist of your dress. You walked out of your bedroom and into the bathroom. You pulled all of your belongings out of the drawers and placed them on the counter. You stopped and examined your hands as if they might hold the answers to your numerous questions. You looked up and were met with an unrecognizable reflection. Your face was void of any blemishes and the bruises from training as a warrior no longer lined your body. A year ago, you would have never dared to wear a dress so scandalous but now you were completely comfortable in seductive clothing. What have I become, you wondered as you stared at yourself through the mirror. Pain shot up your hand and you realized you had punched the mirror. It shattered into pieces around the imprint of your hand and left you with a distorted version of your reflection. Blood dripped from your knuckles and you turned on the sink, running cold water over them. You watched as blood swirled down the drain but were snapped out of your episode when the door of your chambers shot open. You grabbed a towel and gently wrapped it around your hand as you stepped out of the bathroom to confront the intruder.

"Are you ready, Your Majesty?" 

"Almost, Isa. I can meet you on Commander Ren's shuttle in a few minutes."

"Actually we can't take his shuttle. I overheard some of the engineers talking and evidently Commander Ren destroyed the interior. They said he's lucky to have made it back in one piece. Evidently he does it when he gets angry but they have never seen it this bad."

A small flutter grew in your stomach. A tiny part of your brain hoped he was hurting as bad as you were. Another part hoped he would never recover.

"That's fine, we can just take a different shuttle. Why don't you finish packing my things while I go speak with Hux? I have not told him that we are leaving, but I guess I can't avoid it any longer."

"Of course, Your Majesty."

You trudged towards the bridge wanting more than anything to just turn around and hide in your room forever. You turned the corner onto the bridge and froze. You had hoped to just tell Hux you were going back to Malachor and then leave quietly, but there Kylo was, ruining your plans as always. You were about to just turn around and walk off the bridge but you were too late, they had seen you. Hux motioned for you to approach and you reluctantly trudged forward.

"Good you are both here. I won't have to repeat myself. We have received a transmission from someone interested in allying themselves with us. He is very powerful and very rich. This may be the edge we need to finally put an end to the Resistance," he sneered.

You shifted your weight. "That's good and everything but I was actually here to let you know I will be returning to Malachor so umm you two have fun with that." You felt Kylo's gaze on you and you stared at the floor as your face turned a light shade of pink.

"I am afraid I cannot allow you to leave, Your Majesty. You see our contact says that our potential ally requested you and Commander Ren specifically." 

"I'm sure Commander Ren can handle this himself," you muttered.

"We would not want to do anything to discourage an alliance. It's better if you both go, don't you agree, Ren?"

Kylo crossed his arms and glanced at you but you refused to look at him. Finally, he answered.

"Yes, I agree Hux. The Queen can return to her planet after we complete this mission."

"Very good," Hux clasped his hands together in approval. "You will leave first thing tomorrow. Be on your best behavior," he glanced at you, observing the angry red of your dress. "I'll have the seamstress make you some kinder dresses," he commented.

"Her name is Elizabeth," you snapped as you turned and sauntered off the bridge.

Your veins coursed lava as you overheard Hux's whispered comment to Kylo. "Maybe the next one will be more complacent."

Tears fought at your eyes as you heard Kylo huff a synthesized laugh. You turned the corner and broke into a run. You didn't stop until you were inside your quarters. Isa shot up from her place at the kitchen table.

"My Queen, are you alright?" 

Isa led you to a chair and you sat. You waited for your breathing to normalize and then spoke.

"We aren't leaving yet, Isa."

"Why not, Your Majesty?"

"I have to go on a mission with Kylo. There is a rich man who wants to meet with us about allying himself with the First Order."

"Do you think Commander Ren will want you to stay after you complete this mission?"

You leaned back in your chair and stared at the ceiling. You pondered the question even though you already knew the answer.

"No, Isa. I don't think so."

///

Elizabeth arrived bright and early with a garment bag containing several dresses. You cringed as you caught a glance of the bright colors inside. She handed the least bright of the bunch to you and you put it on. You thanked her for her hard work and she smiled kindly before exiting. You grabbed a small bag containing your personal items including your silver-hilted saber. Isa carried the garment bag as you trekked towards the hangar. Even though your dress was black, the floral print made you feel out of place among the dullness of the Finalizer. You did your best to ignore the confused glances of officers passing by. Kylo was already aboard when you arrived but you gave him no acknowledgment. He observed the large garment bag of dresses.

"Isn't that a little much?"

"No it's fine I'll just walk around naked," you retorted.

"No, you will not," Kylo replied immediately.

Isa awkwardly handed you the garment bag and retreated from the hangar. You sat on one of the benches in the back, refusing to give Kylo another thought. As the shuttle took off you focused on keeping your mind blank and your face uncaring. You refused to let yourself be bested by Kylo on this mission. You felt the shuttle land and stood as the ramp descended allowing cool air to rush into the ship. You exited the shuttle at Kylo's side and were greeted by a kind-looking balding man. 

"Commander Ren, Queen Ren," you fought to keep a straight face at the sound of being referred to by Kylo's name. "Welcome to Cloud City."


	30. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Kylo and Reader yell at each other...a lot

You realized you were standing on a platform suspended in the sky. A bustling city that hung in the clouds spanned in every direction. You observed as transportation shuttles and other transporters carried people from one building to another. The white structures glinted off the blue sky. It was unlike anything you had ever seen and you were stunned into silence.

"Please come inside before you freeze to death," the kind man urged. He led you inside and you and Kylo followed him down white circular hallways. The man began to speak as he navigated you through the sleek white halls, "I am the head butler, Kamin. If either of you needs anything during your stay please do not hesitate to ask." 

He halted in front of a set of sleek white double doors with straight silver handles. He took out a key and unlocked them, opening the doors to reveal a large sitting area with light tan couches that faced each other. One side of the room was lined from wall to wall by a large window that opened onto a massive balcony. The rest of the walls were lined with a coat of white paint that made the room feel fresh and clean. At the back of the room was another set of polished white double doors. 

"This is your room, I hope it is satisfactory," Kamin stated.

You gulped. It hadn't occurred to you that you would have to share a room with Kylo. This was going to be an awkward mission. You shook off your anxiety, reminding yourself that you didn't care. You would just have to stay out of his way.

"When will we be meeting with your master," Kylo questioned.

Kamin frowned, "I am sorry to say that Master Tiure was stalled while away on business."

Kylo did a double-take. "Did you say Tiure?"

"Yes, I did. He will be back tomorrow but sends his regrets for making you wait. Please feel free to enjoy the comfort of your room." He stepped towards the door. "Oh, and before I forget," he turned to Kylo. "If you wouldn't mind removing your helmet, Master Tiure has a thing about masks." Kylo begrudgingly removed his helmet and Kamin smiled brightly. "Well, I will have a servant get your bags from your ship and leave you two to settle in. Please let me know if you need anything."

He exited the room and you took in your surroundings. You stepped to the end of the room and opened the double doors, revealing a king-sized bed with a white comforter and white headboard that made it look like a small cloud. On one side of the room was a window that filled the room with natural light. On the other side of the room was a small closet and a singular sleek white door. You reached for the handle and opened the door revealing a large bathroom. There was a large white tub that could easily fit two people. A double vanity with clean black granite separated the tub from the expansive shower. Glass spanned from the floor to the ceiling and various shower heads lined the walls and ceiling. In the corner, a door covered the toilet closet. You stood in awe at the detail of everything. Your quarters on the Finalizer and Malachor weren't small but they were only ever practical. This was true luxury. This was a room fit for a queen. You felt like a kid in a candy store.

You walked out of the bathroom and saw that Kylo had removed his cape and tossed it carelessly on the bed. You gave him a sneer before picking it up and hanging it on one of the stray hangars in the closet. He glared at you before pushing past you into the bathroom and slamming the door. You fought against the urge to yell at him, refusing to acknowledge his rude behavior. You walked back into the living room and noticed someone had lain your garment bag over one of the couches. You took it into the bedroom and laid it on the bed. You unzipped in the bag and pulled out six days' worth of bright-colored dresses. You scanned over all of them, but one in particular caught your eye. A white dress peeked out at you from behind the others. The front was pulled up by gold straps that curved themselves around the otherwise backless dress. You smiled, reminding yourself to thank Elizabeth for including this one among the otherwise modest dresses. You quickly slipped it on before hanging the other garments in the closet. You walked out of the bedroom and opened the glass door to the balcony. You left the door open as you stepped out, leaning against the railing and staring out into the city. The buildings hung in weird cylindrical shapes above the clouds and you watched as people zoomed from one to another. You silently wondered what kind of technology went into making the buildings float. The bustle of the city was intoxicating and your eyes darted from person to person as they each carried out their individual lives.

"Why?"

Your mood shifted from calm to angry as you turned to face Kylo's annoyed voice. The front of your dress had a slit down your chest and Kylo observed your cleavage with forced indifference. His uncaring expression only spurred on your emotions as three weeks' worth of anger fought to exit your body. Your eyes were hot balls of fire as you spoke everything you had been thinking.

"What do you mean why? Why what? Why are you an idiot? Why are you so damn selfish? Why did you make the biggest mistake of your life? Why did you think it was a good idea to leave me? Why do you always make everything about you? I don't fucking know why Kylo so how about you tell me why."

"No, why are you wearing that stupid dress," he retorted.

You rolled your eyes, "why do you care? It's not like I'm yours anymore. You can't control what I wear or what I do. You don't own me and you never did."

Kylo's voice rose into a commanding tone, "stop trying to make me feel bad about the decision I made. It was the right decision, dammit."

You crossed your arms and watched as his eyes flicked from yours down to your cleavage then back up again in an instant. 

"Have you stopped to think that maybe if you feel so bad about it, it might have been the wrong decision?"

He paused, struggling to find something to say. His eyes turned stony. "Your death will not be on my hands. I will not let you be another person who dies because they got too close to me."

You glared at him. "Kylo nobodies death is on your hands. Our line of work is just dangerous. I knew what I was risking going into this and I decided to take that risk. Did you forget that I'm a fucking warrior queen? You have no right to stop me because you think you're so damn important that people die because of you." you took a step towards him and pointed at his chest to emphasize your point. "They die because this is war and war has casualties. If I am one of them then so be it but I refuse to live a life of hiding. That's not a life, Kylo."

His shoulders sagged in surrender but you were too angry to give up just yet.

"And how dare you make that kind of decision without talking to me first? How dare you run away and leave me alone for three goddamn weeks while I'm trying to find the person who poisoned me? How dare you have all these feelings and not share them with me, your wife? How dare you make me feel some kind of way and then ring me out to dry when it got too hard. How. Dare. You." You pushed him out of the doorway and slammed the door shut in his face, turning back towards the city so he couldn't see the tears streaming down your face. You felt the door to the bedroom slam shut and never heard it reopen.

///

You ate your dinner on the small table on the other end of the balcony. You watched as the sun set and the clouds darkened to match the sky. You thought that maybe someday you would return here once the memories were no longer excruciatingly painful. You wondered how long that would take. You yawned as the sun finally exited the sky completely, leaving only the lights of the city that evidently never slept. Maybe tonight would be the night you would be able to sleep. You stood up and stepped through the balcony door and into the living room, sliding the door shut behind you. The bedroom doors remained in their foreboding closed state but you had no intention of sleeping there anyway. You searched for the light switch and found it on the wall by the front door. You turned off the light and stepped toward the couches, choosing the one closest to the balcony to lay down on. You closed your eyes and focused on something happy. You thought of your garden on Malachor. That was the one thing you truly missed. The soothing peace and happy shades of green blooming throughout the grass was intoxicating. It was one of the few things you would be genuinely glad to return to. You settled into a peaceful sleep as you dreamt of running through the grass of an abandoned field, truly happy for once in your life.


	31. Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I will stop rubbing salt in this goddamn wound...eventually

You awoke to the feeling of lying on a cloud. Soft support cradled your body like a warm hug. You shifted and opened your eyes to its surroundings. You discovered in confusion that you were not on the couch but instead in the bedroom, lying on the ironically cloud-like bed. You sat up and rubbed your eyes. Sunlight streamed through the window and you watched as people traveled to the various buildings in the sky. You slowly got out of bed and made your way toward the bathroom. You realized in dismay that you had never changed and the straps of your dress had dug red lines into your skin. You would have to wear the most conservative dress Elizabeth had sent. You washed your face and concealed the bags under your eyes which had improved with sleep. You stepped out of the bathroom and into the closet, considering your numerous options. You chose the baby blue high collared dress and put it on. The blue fabric met in a sweetheart neckline on your chest but was continued by blue lace all the way up to your neck. The short sleeves were also made of lace. You wove your hair into one singular braid then rolled it into a bun, securing it with a ridiculous amount of pins. You added simple pearl earrings to your ears and nodded as you stared into the bathroom mirror. The blue was a nice compliment to your skin tone and you felt almost angelic in the beautiful dress. You walked out of the bathroom and into the doorframe of the already open bedroom doors. You noticed Kylo and watched him from your spot in the doorframe. Kylo stood, feet slightly apart and arms crossed staring out the window, lost in thought. You wondered what he was thinking about but were snapped out of your daze when he spoke.

"You're staring," he commented evenly, eyes never leaving the window.

Any anger you had harbored the past night was no longer in your system. You decided it was best to just move forward.

You smirked, "I was just trying to figure out how I ended up in bed when I distinctly remember falling asleep on the couch."

"Maybe you should get your memory checked," he commented indifferently. "And while you are there get your attitude checked as well. It seems to be rather unacceptable."

At that moment there was a knock at the door and you bit back a retort as you went to open it. Kamin smiled cheerfully at you and you forced yourself to return the same polite energy.

"Good Morning, Your Majesty. You look very beautiful today. We might have to stick you in the sky," he joked gesturing toward your blue dress. 

You giggled cheerfully and almost choked back the end of the laugh. You realized you had not been this sunny in a while. Kylo moved behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders in a territorial manner. You tensed, fighting off the urge to shrug his hands away. You reminded your heart that you needed to pretend like you were happily married and fought off any emotions that tried to escape into your mind.

Kamin kept a composed smile as he continued to speak. "Master Tiure has returned and wishes for you to have breakfast with him. If you are both ready I will take you to the dining room right away."

You forced a tight smile. "Yes, we would be more than happy to eat with him. Please lead the way, Kamin."

Kamin offered his arm to you, "Your Majesty."

You thought Kamin was awfully bold for doing anything after Kylo had been so possessive but you took his arm nonetheless. You shot Kylo a quick smirk before thinking, this is what a gentleman looks like. You might want to take notes. Kylo's annoyance radiated off of him and you smiled. Kamin led you around a corner and opened a set of white double doors. You wondered how he kept track of everything since each door looked the same. You entered a room that contained a long sleek black table with a blonde-haired man sitting at the end. As you drew closer to him you realized that while his body shape was that of an overweight man, his skin held a slimy sheen. You wondered what planet he was from.

The man gave a guarded smile while standing to greet his guests. "Welcome to my humble home. I am Jabari Tiure son of Jabba Tiure."

The name sounded vaguely familiar and you wondered where you had heard it.

"Please be seated," he gestured to the seat across from him and the one to his right side. 

You sat to his right and gave him a polite nod. A butler placed a silver platter in front of you, lifting the lid to reveal a platter of eggs, bread, and some type of meat you did not recognize. It smelled delicious but Kylo's tension restricted you from the meal. You made eye contact and raised an eyebrow. He replied by glancing at the food then back at you, asking a silent question you understood. You closed your eyes, searching for any form of poison in the food or drink but found nothing. You opened your eyes and shook your head slightly at Kylo. He relaxed and picked up his fork, digging into the meal. You took a bite of the bread, chewing and swallowing its soft texture before breaking the silence.

"Jabba Tiure. I think I have heard that name before."

Jabari swallowed his food before speaking. "You may know of him as Jabba the Hutt? He was one of the most powerful crime lords in the galaxy. That is- before Luke Skywalker killed him." At that, he gave a pointed glance to Kylo.

"Oh yes, now I remember! Leia Organa visited my planet when I was younger and she told me the story of how that whole ordeal went down. Quite an interesting story now that I think of it. Can you imagine being frozen in carbonite?"

"It sounds quite painful if you ask me," he responded before turning back to Kylo. "Was it?" His voice was filled with mocked curiosity and a part of you worried that Jabari was pushing his luck.

Kylo's expression was stony as he fought away old memories. "I do not know and I do not care. If you ask me he should have stayed that way forever."

"But then we would never have the pleasure of meeting you and that would be such a travesty," there was a hint of sarcasm in Jabari's voice and you hid your smile behind your napkin.

"So you would like to make an alliance with the First Order," Kylo changed the subject quickly.

Jabari leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he spoke. "Yes, I have been considering it. As an illegitimate child of Jabba, I was only ever seen as a bastard throughout my life. I was not left any of his money and I never even met him so I had to make a name for myself. I picked up the remnants of his business and turned myself into the businessman I am today." He gestured to the luxurious room around him as if to boast in his wealth. "Because of my line of work I find myself drawn towards an alliance with the First Order but I am also debating this because Jabba supported the Empire and I have a large distaste for my father." His face held a rather sour face at the mention of his father. "And there is also the small issue of stability," he shifted his gaze from Kylo to you and then back again."

"Stability," you questioned.

"Well, Your Majesty, I couldn't help but notice you are not wearing a wedding band. That makes me wonder if this marriage is even real or just a political agreement. If I am going to stake money in this war I need to know that you two are a team and not just tied together by a treaty."

You stared down at your finger where your ring should have been. You wondered if Kylo still had it somewhere or if he had discarded it like a worthless piece of trash. Kylo shifted uncomfortably in his chair but you refused to meet his gaze.

He spoke with a scary amount of confidence. "Well, that has an easy explanation. My wife managed to misplace her ring and has yet to find it. Which is very unfortunate considering the amount that ring cost me."

"Yes, silly me. I am always losing stuff." You glanced at Kylo with a look of pain in your eyes before burying the emotion and turning to smile brightly at Jabari.

"Well, one of my servants also reported that they heard arguing coming from your chambers yesterday," he countered.

You forced a laugh, "I'm afraid that is normal for us. We fit the 'fight like a married couple' stereotype like a glove."

"Yes my wife has a rather angry streak," Kylo commented coldly.

"I learned from the best," you retorted lightheartedly.

Jabari chuckled, "well I can see now that you two must really complete each other. Quite a good match if I do say so myself. Yes, I believe I will ally myself with the First Order. But the next time you have any kind of banquet or party make sure to put me on the guest list. I would like very much to tour the Finalizer and see some more of your lovely wife," he grinned at Kylo. "You really should show her off more. I bet you make half the galaxy jealous with a woman like that at your side."

Kylo raked his eyes over your features and returned Jabari's polite smile. "You are right, I really should." 

You rolled your eyes. That was one thing you wouldn't miss, the constant sexualization.

"Well, I am afraid that I have business to attend to and will be leaving very shortly. I do hope you will accept my offer to stay another night, however."

You jumped at the chance to live in luxury even if it was for just one more night. 

"We would be delighted to stay another night Jabari. Thank you so much for your generosity."

He smiled, obviously pleased with your response. "Well if you will please excuse me I really must leave."

You and Kylo stood politely and Jabari stepped towards you. He lifted your hand and placed a small kiss on your knuckles. You thanked your lucky stars he hadn't grabbed the other hand. It was still bruised from your encounter with the mirror. Jabari walked towards Kylo, giving him a firm handshake before exiting the room. A few seconds after Kylo went to leave but you had already decided that you weren't done with him yet.

"Sit down," you ordered.


	32. Degenerate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Alcohol

To your surprise, Kylo sat. "You have one minute to talk and then I'm walking away."

You rolled your eyes. "First of all, you can give me some damn respect. I just smiled my way through two hours of pretending to be happily married to you. Do you know how insulting that is, Kylo? Having to pretend that you love me? It's humiliating."

You stepped towards the window, hiding your struggle to keep your emotions at bay.

"So what do you want? Revenge, or something?"

You shrugged your shoulders as you focused on the view. "Bold of you to assume I haven't already gotten my revenge. I am quite the commodity, you know."

Kylo was on you in a second. He spun you around and pinned your hands to the wall.

"Who is he," Kylo growled.

You raised an eyebrow as if that was the dumbest question he had ever asked.

"He is a she," you replied coolly. "And I am not telling you."

"As far as anyone knows, we are still married. If you were found out..."

"Is somebody jealous?" You taunted Kylo with your eyes.

He stared angrily into your eyes for a few seconds before responding.

"No, I am not."

You ran your eyes down his body and bit your lip. "I think you are jealous," you decided.

"I'm not," Kylo maintained.

"Then why do you still need me?" You pressed your hips into him, his hard member noticeable even through the layers of clothing.

"Who is she," Kylo stalled.

You rolled your eyes. "It was nothing but a meaningless kiss, Kylo."

"That's not what I asked."

You closed your lips tightly in a sign of defiance and Kylo pulled away.

"That's fine, I don't care anyway." 

He stormed out of the room and you watched as he walked away. You would miss that. The knowing that no matter how many times he left he would always come back. As much as you fought to bury your emotions, they still presented you with the cold hard truth: you would miss Kylo. You wished that you could forget about him even if it was for only one night. 

A maid opened the door jarring you from your thoughts. You pushed off of the wall, standing confidently by the window.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone was still in here," she offered shyly.

"Don't worry about it. I was just leaving. You walked toward the entrance but stopped in the doorway as an idea occurred to you. You turned to face the maid, "if I wanted to explore the city how would I go about doing that?"

The maid smiled kindly and you grinned in return, basking in the idea of an adventure in the beautiful city that hid many secrets.

///

You stepped into a large building that was lined with small shops selling everything from food to ship parts. The maid had been kind enough to find you a dress appropriate for weekend city life in Cloud City. You wore a short dress that hugged your curves in all the right ways. The sparkly green shone in the sunlight and you savored the pure freedom of being alone. You spent countless hours walking through the various stores buying whatever you wanted. You figured that you might as well run up a bill for the First Order after all the shit they put you through. You had your hair cut and styled into waves and got your nails trimmed into perfect knife-like points. You watched from a window as the sun began to set. You wished you could just freeze this moment and live in it forever. No responsibility, no Kylo... you shook your head, You needed a way to ignore your feelings. You glanced at a sign plastered on one of the walls. It advertised a popular nightclub and you decided that was the best way to waste away the night. You had your bags delivered to Jabari's home and found transportation to the next leg of your spree. You were delivered to a building that was smaller than most but still rather large for its purpose. You stepped through the glass doors and into the strobe lights of Cloud City's hottest club. People of all shapes and sizes danced to the lively music and you walked towards the center where the bar was. You sat on one of the stools and called a bartender to you.

He gave you a small grin while resting his eyes on your cleavage for a little too long. "What can I get you, pretty lady," he casually flirted.

You feigned a seductive smile and leaned towards him. "Something strong. Open a tab."

He handed you a shot glass full of liquid and you picked it up, downing it in a second and coughing at the strength of the drink. You sat the glass back on the table and stood, grabbing the closest person to you and dancing with them. Your mind whirled in and out of focus as the room spun around you. You took shot after shot, eventually drawing a small crowd that encouraged you through at least ten more shots. You basked in the attention and were more than happy to meet their wishes. You watched the strobe lights blink rapidly as you consumed yet another shot. The more you drank the less you remembered what you were drinking to forget. You danced until you couldn't feel your feet anymore. You finally slumped on a barstool as the adrenaline began to fade from your body.

"Why don't we get you home little miss," the flirty bartender suggested.

You struggled to phrase together the words you were trying to say. "No, no. No, I don't wanna." Your words strung themselves together in an ugly strand of sounds. "I don't wanna leave. I'm fine."

A man slid into the barstool beside you but your head was spinning too much to notice. You stared intently at the various bottles behind the counter watching as they changed colors with the strobe lights. 

"I will get the lady back to her home."

"Do you know her? How do I know you aren't just trying to take advantage of her?"

The man emitted a deep laugh. "She's not the type of girl you should try anything with. She might kill you just for pissing her off."

At the word 'kill' your mind perked up out of its foggy state. You looked from the bartender to the man beside you and brightened.

"I know him," you giggled. You leaned towards the bartender trying but failing to whisper to him. "I've had sex with him before. It was good, it was really good." 

The bartender shook his head in annoyance and pointed to the blurry figure beside you.

"Get her out of here. She's scaring off the customers."

Your brain registered that you were being led through the crowd and out the door. You staggered uncontrollably as your vision faded to black. 

The next time your mind was coherent you were being carried into the living room of your chambers. You wondered if you had passed out but your thoughts were stalled when you felt your stomach began to ache. You jumped out of the strong arms holding you and ran into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before your stomach contents exited your mouth. Tears bit at your eyes as you retched painfully. When the room stopped spinning you realized someone was holding your hair while you emptied the rest of your guts into the toilet. Once you were sure you were done puking, you leaned back. Your balance was uneven and you fell into what you realized was someone's chest. You hadn't yet bothered to register who this person was but you finally looked up into the deep brown eyes of Kylo Ren. You shivered and closed your eyes, brain relaxing now that it knew you were safe. You felt yourself being propped up and you opened your eyes slightly. You watched numbly as Kylo gingerly peeled your dress off of your body. He gently pushed you into the shower and pressed a button. Water streamed from the ceiling and he calmly rubbed soap into your body. He washed away the layers of sweat and grime from your body which made you feel immensely better. As he continued cleaning your body you heard him muttering under his breath. If you weren't so disoriented you would almost swear you could understand what he was saying but it didn't make sense. 

"I'm so stupid. Dumbest idea I've ever had. Why the hell did I leave you? So stupid..."

Your mind brushed the dialogue off as something you had dreamed up because there was no way he would actually say those things. Kylo turned off the water and wrapped you in a towel. At some point, he had removed his cape and armor and was only standing in his undershirt and pants. You shivered even though the air was well heated. Kylo peeled his shirt off his body and pulled it on to yours in an attempt to warm you. He picked you up and carried you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, carefully placing you in the bed and covering you with the layers of sheets and blankets. He turned to leave but you called after him.

"Kylo wait." Your speech was still slightly slurred and you struggled to get anything out. "Can you stay with me, please? Just... Just one last time."

He nodded and removed his belt before crawling into bed next to you. You snuggled into his chest and he held you as reality dissolved from your mind.


	33. Consecrate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: smut... get it? Consecrate? bahahahah

You woke to a splitting headache and groaned. As your disoriented state faded you noticed the ringing in your ears. You rubbed your temples and opened your eyes. You were too nauseous to get out of bed so just lay there, staring at the ceiling. You tried to recall the events of last night but most of it was a blur. You searched your mind, trying to figure out how you had gotten home last night. Pieces of dream-like memory entered your brain. You remembered someone cleaning you off and you remembered the same person had held you in their arms. You shuddered as you realized who the mysterious person must have been. The whole point of last night had been to forget about Kylo and instead you had ended up in bed with him. To make matters worse you realized the oversized shirt in your body must belong to him. The sudden urge to cry overwhelmed you. Light streamed through your room as the bedroom door was opened and snapping you out of your feelings. You rolled over and buried your face in your pillow, trying to prevent your headache from worsening. 

"It's so bright," you complained, voice muffled by the pillow.

"Sit up," Kylo ordered.

You peeked up at him and saw that he held a glass of green liquid. You raised an eyebrow but obeyed his command, rolling over and propping your back against the headboard. Kylo handed you the glass and you wrinkled your nose as the pungent smell hit you.

"What is this," you gagged slightly.

"One of the maids brought it. She said it helps with hangovers. Drink it." 

His tone was indifferent but also commanding. You didn't have the energy to fight with him so instead, you held your breath and downed the foul-tasting fluid as fast as you could. You doubled over and coughed as the liquid left your throat raw. You placed the glass on your nightstand. The room began to clear and you started feeling significantly better.

"That better work. You are not leaving this room until you are presentable," Kylo declared.

"Then I'll make sure I'm never presentable so I can stay here forever," You lay back in the bed, spreading yourself out in a star position, enjoying the way the bed cradled your body. "I'd rather live here for the rest of my life than waste away on Malachor," you sighed as your emotions fought their way to the surface.

"What about the Finalizer? Could you spend the rest of your life there?"

The abruptness of his question shocked you. You used your elbows to prop yourself up so you could see Kylo's face. You gave him a confused expression.

"What do you mean?"

"I meant what I said. Would you rather spend the rest of your life on the Finalizer or Malachor?" 

You froze. Why was he asking you this? You rolled over and laid the side of your head in your arms, focusing your gaze on the bathroom door and avoiding Kylo's face.

"It's not like it matters."

You twisted the sheets around your fingers as you fought off the urge to cry.

"Answer the question," he spoke your name calmly.

You bit back the tears threatening to escape. "You already know what I would choose, Kylo. Please just," your voice cracked as you choked back a sob, "stop playing with my emotions."

Kylo pulled off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed but you refused to roll over and make eye contact with him.

"Even after everything I've done, you would still stay?" His tone held a disbelieving lilt.

You internally rolled your eyes at his stupidity. "I understand that you have been hurt by people close to you but I was never going to be like them. My loyalty was always to you even when it shouldn't have been." Kylo traced a finger down one of your bare legs and you shivered. "Stop that."

In response, Kylo traced his finger over the other leg and you turned over to confront him. You paused when you saw the look in his eyes.

"What," you asked.

"It's just," he sucked in a breath. "You look so damn good in my shirt."

You looked down at the black shirt that hung loosely on your body. Anger crept its way up your skin but you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"I need to go get dressed and then you can have it back."

You went to get up but Kylo slung a leg over your waist and pinned your arms to the bed as he hovered over you.

"Kylo, what are you doing? Let me go."

He stared at your lips but said nothing. You looked into his eyes and you saw the question his mind was begging him to voice. You let go of your anger and spoke.

"Go ahead, Kylo. Ask me." 

He pulled away and sat up, crossing his arms and focusing his attention on anything but you.

"Don't go back to Malachor," he muttered. "We were always better together. I was-" he paused. "I was naive to not see that"

Your brain struggled to process his words. You sat up in shock as your mind questioned if this was real. You placed a hand on the side of his face, moving it so that he was forced to look into your eyes. 

"Why should I? How do I know you won't leave again when things get too hard," you asked. Your eyes gave away your fear.

His eyes hardened. "I won't."

You wanted to hear a bigger admission so you prodded him once more. "Why not?"

"Because I..." he paused staring deeply into your eyes. "I need you," he whispered deeply.

Your brain stalled. "You what?" 

"I need you."

You fell into Kylo's chest as every emotion you had been bottling up exploded. You wrapped your hands around his back, afraid that if you let go he would disappear and leave you alone again. Kylo wrapped an arm around your waist and cradled your head with his other hand. He held you as tears streamed down your face. 

"You- you promise?"

"I promise," Kylo shushed you gently. 

Once the wave of emotion subsided you pulled your arms from his waist and wiped your eyes. You backed out of his embrace and looked him firmly in the eyes.

"If this is going to work you need to agree to my terms."

His eyes were emotionless but he nodded.

"From now on, you have to treat me as your equal. That means any decisions you have to make I am also making. I am not doing your deskwork anymore. Never again. Wherever you go I am going and wherever I go you are going. You will treat me with respect and you won't let anyone disrespect me. You have to open up to me and-"

Kylo's lips cut off the rest of your sentence. His hands worked their way under your shirt and up your back. You pulled yourself onto your knees to match Kylo's height. You ran your fingers through his hair as you kissed him feverishly. He pulled you up with him as he stood on the bed. You stood on your toes to reach him and he bent over to meet your face. Kylo broke your kiss and leaned in to kiss your neck. He covered your shoulder with red marks and you sighed in response.

"I'm guessing you agree to my terms then," you grinned into his ear.

Kylo pulled away to look into your eyes, his own filled with desire. 

"I have one term," he breathed.

You raised an eyebrow, "oh?"

He gave you an evil smile. "You have to be mine and only mine. If I want you I can have you whenever and wherever."

You returned his seductive smile. "Only if you will do the same for me."

Kylo leaned in so close that your noses touched. "Whenever and wherever," he agreed.

You pushed your body into him, looking up into the beautiful eyes staring down at you.

"Then have me."

Kylo grabbed your hips and pulled you up onto him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he pushed you against the wall above the headboard. Kylo continued where he had left off and pushed you further up the wall as he worked his way down to your collarbone. You closed your eyes as adrenaline rushed through your veins. Every kiss sent electricity throughout your body and your breath hitched. You pulled his cloak over his head and tossed it away. Kylo let go of your hips and you stood as he removed his tunic. You unbuckled his belt and threw it off the bed. Kylo knelt so that his face was level with your stomach. He grabbed at the tail of your shirt and slowly pulled it up your body, while simultaneously kissing the newly exposed skin. You struggled to keep your breathing stable as your legs ached in anticipation. Kylo kissed his way between your perky breasts and finally met you at your lips as he pulled the shirt over your head. His tongue examined your mouth and you undid the button and zipper on his pants. You untucked his shirt and pushed your arms under it, hands caressing the firm muscles on his chest. Kylo pulled his shirt off and then continued to explore your mouth with his tongue. You slowly moved your hands down his chest and into his pants. You held one hand at his hip but used the other to trace a finger on his massive dick. He moaned into your mouth and pulled you off the wall. Kylo wrapped his leg around your knees causing them to buckle. You fell onto the bed and he climbed on top of you, intertwining his fingers into yours as he placed them on either side of your head. He froze when he brushed your finger where your ring should have been. 

You frowned but he rushed to reassure you. "It's on my dresser. I should have never let you give it back in the first place..."

His solemn expression changed as an idea came to mind. He let go of your hands and sat up. He placed a finger on one of his belt loops and in one swift motion pulled it off. He pulled your left hand to him and tied the fabric in a knot around your finger. 

"Much better," he muttered seductively.

Your legs quivered and you pushed your hips into Kylo, craving him desperately. He traced a finger down the front of your body until he was at your thighs. Kylo pulled them apart and pressed his lips to the inside of your legs. You shuddered as he grew closer to your mound. 

"How long has it been since I've been inside that tight pussy," Kylo muttered as he kissed along your mound and onto your lips.

"Too long," you breathed. 

"Way too long," he agreed as he pulled away. 

He took your hands and placed them on the sides of his pants. You looped your finger into a belt loop and slowly slid his pants down his body. Once you had pulled them to his knees, he took over, quickly throwing his pants on the floor. In an instant, he was on top of you again. He made eye contact as he slowly slid into your entrance and you exhaled a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. Kylo pulled out and pushed back in, never breaking eye contact with you. He continued at a slow pace and you arched your back as he slowly pushed through you. You struggled to hold back a squeal as he pushed all the way into your cervix.

"No. I want to hear you scream while I destroy you."

You moaned and arched your back in response as he ripped through you yet again. He picked up the pace slightly and you sighed as the increased friction sent shocks of pleasure through your body.

"Faster," you begged through strained breaths.

Kylo obliged and you let forth a string of unintelligible curse words. You clenched around Kylo and he groaned in response. You grinned and clenched again, causing him to push even deeper inside you.

"Holy shit, you feel so good," he seethed.

You squealed as he beat into your cervix, filling you with his cum at the same time. He pulled out and you went to sit up but his hand stopped you. 

"We aren't done yet."

You raised an eyebrow, "but you-"

"But you didn't."

He spread your legs back apart and wasted no time inserting a finger inside of you. You went to protest the action but were stopped when he added another finger. Pleasure ripped through you once again and you bit your lip as he slowly added a third finger. You squeaked as he moved them in and out of you at a rapid speed, putting you on edge in an instant. You clenched and he responded by sinking even deeper into you watching as your face contorted from pleasure to pain and back again in an instant. You were so close to the edge that you were begging him to stop but he knew better. Kylo continued until you let loose a scream as you came on his fingers. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as euphoria rattled your body. Your vision finally cleared and you watched as Kylo popped his fingers into his mouth, sucking them dry. He crawled back on top of you and kissed you deeply. You wrapped your legs around him and you held tightly as he pulled you up onto him. He continued his kiss as he carried you into the bathroom. He stepped inside the shower and you reached to fiddle with the controls, never breaking his kiss. You knew that no one could ever make you feel the same way Kylo did. When you were with him it didn't matter that you were a warrior queen and he was the Commander of the First Order. In these moments he was just Kylo and you were just you. Two broken people whose shattered pieces fit together like an intricate puzzle. You had never believed in soulmates but now you were rethinking that disbelief. How else could you explain that no matter how many times he left, he would come back? How else could you explain feeling so drawn to him and so complete with him? The warm water streamed over your intertwined bodies and you enjoyed the pure bliss of the moment, praying it would never end.


	34. Forgive

You felt like you were walking through a dream. You still hadn't fully accepted that Kylo actually stayed with you. You would panic and wake up in the middle of the night just to make sure he was still there. So far, Kylo had kept his promise but your mind was still guarded against letting him in completely. Your heart would twist if he got angry even if it wasn't at you. A part of you constantly worried that he would leave you again. The rest of your mind told you that these thoughts were stupid. You would brush off the fleeting thoughts as you confidently stood by his side. Kylo must have sensed your tension because he would subconsciously pull you closer to him while sleeping. He hadn't made any moves since you had returned to the Finalizer and you knew it was because he was waiting for you to grow comfortable again. You felt bad about the awkward space between you, but in your defense, he did leave and you had thought he would never return. You tried to not use that as a defense to the walls you had built. You knew Kylo regretted what he had done and would take it back in an instant. 

You had kept your word about being only his and stopped going to training sessions with Phasma. You only saw her in passing, giving her a small but awkward nod and continuing about your day. You wanted to ask Kylo to train with you but for some reason, you had refrained. You couldn't decide if it was fear of failure or the fact that training with him seemed like a really intimate thing to do. In order to stay in shape, you had been getting up early and running the length of the hangar with the off duty stormtroopers. It was rather invigorating that they struggled to keep up with you. 

The Finalizer had been filled with nervous energy the past few weeks as everyone began preparations for the upcoming Annual Ally Gala. You felt it was a little below your pay grade to have to go to this but Hux had been very firm that you and Kylo attend. 

You were snapped out of your careless daze when an officer spoke to you.

"Excuse me, Your Majesty?"

You sighed, "yes?"

She held two cloth drapes in different shades of red. "Which color?"

You rolled your eyes. You had never been placed into stereotypically feminine roles such as deciding color schemes before and you were not about to start now. You turned to where Kylo was standing across the room speaking to a group of officers about security measures and motioned for him to come to you. He held a finger to the officers and stomped towards you. 

You pointed towards the drapes, "which color?"

You couldn't see his expression through his mask but you knew he was probably annoyed that you had interrupted his conversation for this. He pointed to the darker shade and you nodded in agreement. The officer retreated out of the ballroom as Kylo grabbed your wrist tightly and led you back towards the conversation you had interrupted. You didn't know how to react to his gesture so you kept quiet. A group of three high ranking officers were arguing in hushed tones and you realized what they were saying as you grew closer.

"If we don't take any precautions there could be rebel spies at this gala."

"If we take too many we will scare away the allies!"

"There could already be rebel spies aboard! How do we know you aren't a spy?"

The conversation descended into a cluster of raised voices and finger-pointing. You rolled your eyes at their stupidity. The loud banter ceased when Kylo exhaled loudly through his mask. You crossed your arms. 

"Stop acting like children and start coming up with an actual plan to ensure the security of our guests," you ordered.

Their faces turned red in embarrassment. 

"Our apologies, Your Majesty," one of them mumbled.

You plastered a stern but also disappointed look across your face.

"Well? I'm waiting for your ideas. I hope you all know that we don't have all day."

"We should make sure the most trusted stormtroopers are on duty," one offered.

The other two nodded in agreement.

"Any guests we find suspicious we could send straight to both of you," another suggested

Kylo gave a small nod of approval.

"We can have random searches of the staff tonight in search of Resistance propaganda," the third stated.

"Very good. Now go implement these ideas without the childish arguing. You are dismissed."

They looked to Kylo as if waiting for his approval. He crossed his arms and matched your commanding stature.

"You heard her. You are dismissed."

They quickly scurried from the room and a grin ghosted your lips. You didn't know why but Kylo being commanding towards other people was ridiculously sexy. Your brain immediately froze at the thought, afraid to be vulnerable. Kylo noticed your tension and removed his mask while turning to face you.

"What is it?"

You tried your best to dodge the question as you grazed your fingers over his gloved hand.

"Well, it just occurred to me that I don't know how to dance."

"You can't dance," he repeated in disbelief.

"Well, I've never needed to know. I just stood there and greeted people at my coronation and our wedding..." Those events felt like a lifetime ago. You realized in shock that it had been almost 9 months since your coronation. "Wait are you saying you do know how to dance?"

"Yes," he stalled. "I have been forced to attend these stupid galas every year."

"I bet every girl wanted a chance to seduce... I mean, dance with the highest-ranking officer of the First Order. You were probably in high demand," you joked.

"You forgot to mention that I'm the most attractive officer," he retorted. "But I would be prepared for some back-handed comments. Some of our allies hoped to be the one holding your title."

"Lucky me," you replied sarcastically.

Kylo took a step closer and reached for your hand. He lifted it and placed it on his shoulder. You placed your other hand on his arm and he wrapped his fingers loosely around your waist. 

"Yes, lucky you," he replied with a seductive glint on his eyes.

He took a step forward and you stepped back in response. He began the slow steps of the unfamiliar dance he was teaching you. You stared at your feet as you tried to focus on what you were supposed to be doing. Between the length of your dress and your two left feet, you found it a little hard to keep up at first. You tried to memorize the steps as best as you could and slowly fell into the simple pattern.

"You can't look at the floor the entire time," Kylo commented.

"If I don't I'm going to trip," you muttered.

Kylo stopped and placed a hand under your chin, nudging it upwards so you were forced to look into his eyes.

"You won't. Trust me."

You understood the hidden meaning behind his words. You made an effort to prevent your mind from hiding behind the walls it had built over the time Kylo had left you. You fought off the fear and pain that reminded you of what he had put you through. Kylo's eyes softened as he heard the battle inside your mind.

"I'm trying to give you time," he mumbled your name. "But you know I'm not a very patient person. You need to stop avoiding your feelings. It will tear you apart."

You melted a little as he spoke. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt Kylo, even though he had hurt you. 

"I promise I am trying, Kylo. I just need a little more time."

His eyes hardened a little bit. "How long? A week? A month? What if you never feel the same? I know what I did hurt you but after everything that has happened?" His voice began to rise. "You asked me to open up to you and be honest with you so I will be. I don't understand why you are being so distant."

"I-" you stuttered. "I don't know. I'm sorry." 

Kylo pulled away from you and crossed his arms.

"I am not going to wait forever." His eyes were cold and distant. "Two weeks. By the end of the Gala, I want an answer."

He marched from the room and you cursed your brain for being so guarded. You wanted more than anything to let your walls down and be completely devoted to Kylo, so why couldn't you? A knock at the ballroom door jarred you from your thoughts. At the door stood Phasma, helmet by her side.

"Are you ok, Your Majesty?"

You realized that your face held a pained expression. You forced a tight smile.

"I'm fine. Just lost in thought, I guess. A lot is going on as I'm sure you can tell." You motioned to the ballroom which had been decorated with black and red accents. Tables lined the walls and would hold refreshments on the night of the gala. Phasma stepped into the room as she observed the tasteful choices you and Kylo had made. 

"I'm sure the guests will be very pleased. So why are you so worried?"

"I don't know how to dance. Kylo was going to teach me but we ended up arguing," You rolled your eyes.

"If you would like, I can teach you," Phasma offered calmly.

You shook your head in disbelief. "Am I the only one who doesn't know how to dance?

"It would seem so, Your Majesty." 

Phasma held out an arm and you took it. She led you in some simple steps and you followed her clear instructions. Phasma crossed the line of things you had decided to not talk about and chose the worst topic to talk about.

"So what happened in Cloud City? Are you and the Commander back together?"

You gave her a shocked stare at the abruptness of her question.

"I just figured you would be honest with me," she refrained.

You figured she deserved the truth, even if it might be painful.

"Well the day we got there, I yelled at him and slammed the balcony door in his face and then that night I went to sleep on the couch but when I woke the next morning I was in the bed so that was a little suspicious. Then we meant with Jabira and pretended to be happily in love and then after that, I yelled at him again. Then I spent a lot of the First Order's money on clothing and random stuff. After that, I went to a really popular nightclub and got blackout drunk. Kylo came and got me and took me back to Jabari's home and he held my hair while I vomited my guts out and then he washed me off and gave me his shirt and then I asked him to sleep with me so he did." 

You tried to read Phasma's face but it was emotionless.

"He didn't take advantage of me or anything while I was drunk, I promise," you reassured her quickly.

"And then? I'm guessing that isn't the end of the story," she pointed out.

"And then I woke up and he brought me this hangover drink that world super well and I felt better but I also felt guilty about being so close to him when I had been trying to forget about him. But then he asked me to stay with him instead of going back to Malachor and I said yes."

"And then you had sex," Phasma guessed.

You ducked her head to stare at the floor, cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

"Yes," you muttered.

"But now you are closed off and constantly afraid he will leave you again?"

"Yes," you mumbled. You finally looked back into her eyes. "I just want to trust him. Why can't I?"

"You will. He just needs to do something to win your trust back. It will happen. I think..." she paused. "I think the universe wants you two to be together.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. "I'm sorry about everything that happened. I should have never put you in that position. It was wrong of me."

"All is forgiven, Your Majesty. I think part of me always knew we had no chemistry. It was just a heat-of-the-moment thing."

"I know you may not want to trust me right now but I hope we could be friends someday. I enjoy confiding in you, Phasma. And please know our secret will always stay between us and nobody else."

You danced for another hour and Phasma made fun of your two left feet. You prayed that she was right about Kylo. What would he need to do to gain your trust?


	35. Obliterate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Reader commits a graphic murder, betrayal

You shifted uncomfortably in your heavy outfit as you surveyed yourself in the floor-length mirror. You wore a deep red dress with thick straps that hung off your shoulders. The front had a slit that spanned from your collarbone to the end of the corset-fitted portion, revealing most of your cleavage. The skirt flowed from the bodice to the floor, fanning around you in a wide circle.

"Are you sure it isn't too much? I feel like it's too much."

"I am sure, Your Majesty. You look absolutely gorgeous. Everyone will be staring at you tonight, especially Commander Ren," Elizabeth winked.

You sighed at the thought of seeing him today. Kylo had told you he wanted an answer by the end of the night but you still had no clue what you would say. You wanted to trust him, so why couldn't you?

"Did I say something wrong?"

You realized your expression was sour. You relaxed your jaw and gave her a small smile.

"No, you didn't. I'm just nervous is all." 

You pulled the top upwards, trying your best to keep the cleavage at a minimum.

"You are going to be just fine," she offered kindly. "But we should hurry so you are not late."

Elizabeth touched up your makeup and pulled back stray hairs that had escaped your bun. She handed you a pair of long red gloves that matched the dress and you pulled them to your elbows. You knelt slightly as she placed a tiara with red and black jewels adorning it onto your head. The tiara made you feel like the queen that you were. You focused on calming your nerves until you had control of your emotions. Elizabeth ushered you out of your chambers and you strode towards the ballroom. Guests would begin arriving soon and you needed to be there to greet them. You stepped into the ballroom and made a silent sweep of the room to make sure everything looked good. You noticed Kylo standing in a corner, speaking with an officer. His back was turned to you so you snuck in and pretended to be busy arranging a table cloth in the opposite corner of the large room. You realized your attempt had been in vain as you heard his boots echoing on the floor as he stomped towards you. You pretended not to notice as you rearranged a food display but were ripped from your task as an arm wrapped around your waist and spun you around. Kylo's eyes raked over your features, pausing at the slit down your chest.

"Damn," he whispered almost imperceptibly.

"My eyes are up here," you snarked.

He darkened. "Who gave you permission to walk around like this?"

"I don't need permission," you shot back. "I am the only person in charge of me."

Flames shot through his eyes. "So is that your answer?"

You shook your head quickly and placed a hand on his crossed arms.

"You said that I had until the end of the night, so I will give you my answer then," you reassured.

"You still don't know?" Kylo's face became guarded as he pulled away from you.

"The end of the night," you dodged. "I will tell you when this stupid gala ends."

You pulled a few of his stray hair back into their place. He was wearing his normal attire without the cape and you noticed his shoes had been shined and his gloves looked new. You went to straighten his shirt but he pushed your hand away.

"I look fine," he muttered.

You forced your way past his hands and gently placed yours on his chest in order to flatten the wrinkles on his shirt.

"I'm just nervous, I guess."

"The Queen of Malachor and wife of the commander of the First Order is nervous?"

"You forgot to say, warrior Queen," you retorted. "You aren't nervous?"

"Even if I was, I know how to hide it. That is something you need to learn," he jabbed.

"Oh shut up," you rolled your eyes.

"Make me." 

Butterflies flew violently around your stomach as you stared into his dark eyes. Warmth grew between your legs and you shifted your weight awkwardly.

"Dammit, Kylo," you muttered in frustration.

He smirked, "This night is going to be extremely difficult for you if you don't give me an answer."

"I think I can take it," you replied stubbornly.

Guests began streaming in the room and Kylo returned to his guarded expression. He held out his arm and you took it. You strolled to the back of the room and began greeting guests. Kylo seemed to recognize most of the attendees but they were unknown to you. You mainly nodded and smiled as people gave late congratulations on your marriage and asked Kylo about the new allies present. You brightened when you recognized Jabari as he approached. He greeted you with a small bow.

"I'm glad you were able to come, Jabari," you smiled.

"As am I, Your Majesty, and may I say that you look very beautiful tonight. I bet a good number of the people here tonight are wishing you were single," he winked.

"You flatter me Jabari," you giggled.

Kylo moved his arm behind your back and grabbed your waist in a predatory manner. Jabari took this as his cue to leave and wished you well before hobbling towards the table of desserts across the room.

"You didn't have to do that," you muttered crossly. "He was just being friendly."

"I already told you this evening was going to be difficult for you," he replied. 

You bit back a retort as a thin man walked towards you. His steps were uneven and you knew the glass of wine in his hand was not his first.

"Kylo Ren," he chuckled through his slurred speech.

Kylo rolled his eyes, "I thought you quit drinking, Marcus."

You looked to Kylo for an explanation but he gave none. Marcus moved his focus to you. His eyes rested on your cleavage and you shifted uncomfortably.

"No one told me the Queen of Malachor was such a pretty thing," he slurred. "When I first heard about the alliance with such a detestable people I had been against it, but now," he gestured a hand over your figure, "I understand."

Your eyes hardened but you said nothing. Creatures like him did not deserve to be acknowledged. When he got no reaction he prodded further.

"I have often wondered how your planet lasted so long by itself. I bet the First Order saved your people from ruin. I heard that your mother was killed by her own soldiers. Very typical, women have no loyalty..."

Your blood was boiling and tears entered your eyes at the mention of your mother. Kylo let go of your waist and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"Her planet was doing just fine by itself, it is the First Order who was in desperate need of an ally, Marcus. As for her people, if you ever speak of them in that way again I will have you thrown out of an airlock so you can rot away in space. And if you ever disrespect her again, I'll make sure your death is so slow and painful the entire galaxy can hear you scream."

Marcus' eyes grew wide in fear and he looked to you in hope of some sympathy.

"Contrary to your beliefs, women are very loyal," you commented coldly. "And my loyalty is to my husband. If I were you, I would leave before I let him rip you apart because I can assure you," you gestured toward the lightsaber hanging at his side, "he would really like to."

Marcus tripped over his feet as he ran for the door. Hux approached the two of you with a cross expression on his face.

"What was that about?" He pointed to the double doors where Marcus had just exited.

"Oh nothing, just a difference of opinions," you replied calmly.

Hux crossed his arms and gave out a small huff. "No more scaring guests away. Go dance and pretend like you want to be here." His flustered expression was that of a mother with two very disobedient children.

"Yes sir," you replied with a mock salute.

Hux stomped away and you took Kylo's arm, allowing him to lead you onto the dance floor. You were glad you had finally figured out the different dances so you wouldn't have to stare at your feet the entire time. You looked into Kylo's eyes and realized you now knew the answer to his question.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"I trust you. I didn't know for sure until just now, but when you stuck up for me..."

"No one, not even the most powerful or important person in the galaxy is allowed to disrespect you. No one," Kylo insisted.

He removed his hand from your waist and traced a hand over the slit on the front of your dress.

"Kylo," you hissed as butterflies reentered your stomach.

"Whenever and wherever," he reminded you with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes, "Except in front of a room full of our closest allies. We have a room for a reason..." You raised your eyebrows silently thinking the words you couldn't say aloud. 

"I don't think anyone would notice if..."

Kylo's sentence was cut off as the song ended and a man butted into your conversation.

"Very sorry to interrupt, Commander. Would you mind if I stole your wife for a dance?"

Kylo hid his frustration as best he could. "Not at all," he said through gritted teeth.

You gave the man a polite smile and took his arm, turning to give Kylo a seductive wink as you walked away. After the first dance, another man cut in. By the end of the night, you were sure you had danced with every single male at the gala, and you were exhausted. You sat at a chair by the refreshment table to rest your tired feet and scanned the room for Kylo. He was dancing with a beautiful woman you had never seen before. You felt they were a little too close for comfort and frowned. You must have thought loudly because Kylo stopped speaking to the woman and looked around the room in slight confusion. When he found you he raised an eyebrow and gave you a taunting expression. The song ended and he excused himself from the lady and started walking towards you. Your train of thought was broken when a voice distracted you from Kylo.

"Would you like some water, Your Majesty?"

You turned to see Isa and smiled kindly through your annoyance. You accepted the cup of water in her hand and went to drink it but stopped. Your mind began working at twice its normal speed as you realized something wasn't right. Isa's hands were shaking and she kept averting her eyes awkwardly. You pulled the glass to your nose and knew your intuitions had been correct. You dropped the glass in shock and grabbed her wrist, pulling her out of the ballroom as discreetly as you possibly could. You shoved her into the closest room which just so happened to be the training room. Your lightsaber hung on the wall and you grabbed it, igniting both ends. Isa stared nervously at the red blades and it occurred to you that she had never seen them before.

"The Dark Side of the Force grants abilities that the light side does not. Kylo can read minds and I," you advanced towards her as she backed away. "I can sense and manipulate liquids, especially poison." Isa's face fell as she realized her mistake. Tears began spilling down her face.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't want to, I didn't!"

"Why did you do it, then?"

Anger clouded your vision as you stared into her eyes.

"He made me do it," she sobbed.

You sensed Kylo at your side.

"No, he didn't," you gestured towards him.

"No," she cried. "The person inside my head. He has been whispering to me ever since we got here. He said if I didn't kill you, he would make sure you found out I knew Adira killed your mother! I didn't want to, please," she begged. "I didn't want to do it!" Her words were slurring together as she cried violently.

You defused your lightsaber in surprise. "You knew? All this time you knew Adira killed her and you didn't tell me? Why, Isa?" 

"Adira threatened to kill me if I told and then when you killed her I was afraid you would kill me too. I didn't want to do it I swear," she blubbered.

You felt like your brain was being torn apart. A part of you was still clouded with anger but the other part wanted to know about the person whispering these things to her. Suddenly, angry reminders surfaced in your brain. 

She knew about your mother. She helped Adira cover it up. She tried to poison you! Kill her.

[TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC DEATH SCENE]

You shuddered as your mind resolved itself into one decision. You stepped toward Isa with calm intention. She relaxed, thinking you were surrendering. Your mind was screaming at you, blocking any other thoughts from your mind. Your vision tunneled and when it cleared you realized your lightsaber was skewering her torso. She stared down at the red blade running through her body and then back up at you in silent surrender. She made eye contact with Kylo but said nothing. He flinched as if she was screaming internally but you made no attempt to help her. You were barely registering anything as your vision clouded. You sheathed your saber and Isa's body fell to the ground. You had a sudden moment of clarity and knelt down to make eye contact.

"Was Lenna involved in this? I need to know the truth, Isa. The whole galaxy depends on it," you whispered.

She shook her head as tears streamed down her face. Her life force was fading rapidly. 

"No, My Queen. She didn't know. Lenna has always been loyal," she wheezed. 

Isa's eyes turned into blank slates and her body became still. You stared blankly at her lifeless figure, mind refusing to believe she was dead. Every cell in your body that had once resisted the Dark Side died in that instant. Your mind experienced a new level of clarity as you stood from your crouched position.

"Goodbye, Isa," you commented coldly.

Kylo seemed to be experiencing some level of shock as he stared at Isa's body but you did not acknowledge him. You turned and stalked out of the room. The door shut behind you with nothing more than a sharp hiss.


	36. Recover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: knife play, smut

Thunk. The knife you had thrown lodged itself in the middle of the target where two more knives were already clustered. Your brain felt mildly foggy and you honestly couldn't remember when you had slept last. You were too busy trying to distract yourself from your thoughts to worry about sleep. You had spent most of your time in the training room toying with the various weapons in stock and had discovered a newfound affection for throwing knives. You sunk another one into the very center and gave a small grin. You approached the target and picked the knives off the board one by one. The hairs on your neck suddenly rose and without looking you sent a knife flying across the room. You waited to hear the sound of contact but it never came. You turned to see Kylo standing across the room with a look of annoyance on his face. He had caught the knife between his thumb and forefinger. You gave him a sheepish shrug as if to say oops. You hadn't seen him since Isa's death but it was your fault for holing yourself up in the training room. Your mind was hesitant to admit that you had missed him but his shocked expression from that night had etched itself into your mind and refused to leave. 

"What are you doing here," you commented evenly.

"Hux needs to talk to us," he replied.

"Whatever he needs he can tell you. I don't care."

"It wasn't a request," he spoke your name with determination and took a long step so he was towering over you.

You kept a look of indifference on your face. "Like I said, I don't care." 

You turned and walked away from him, towards the target on the wall. Kylo moved so fast you didn't have time to defend yourself. He reached out and grabbed the back of your neck, pulling you around to face him, all in one swift motion. You gaped at him in shocked surprise as he pointed the knife to your chest.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you," he commanded.

You wiped the dumbfounded expression off your face. "What are you going to do about it?" You taunted him carelessly.

Kylo lightly traced the knife over your exposed chest before pushing the blade onto your neck. You froze, afraid that if you moved even a millimeter the sharp knife would cut into your skin.

"I'm not in the mood for your disobedient behavior today," he growled your name.

You pasted an innocent look on your face. "Disobedient? Me? Oh no, I am the perfect picture of an obedient wife." Sarcasm flowed through your words.

Kylo relaxed his grip on you and you took the opportunity to duck away from the knife against your neck. You pulled away and grabbed a knife from the rack defensively. You pointed it at him and took a challenging stance.

Kylo rolled his eyes at your guarded stature. "You can't beat me," he smirked.

Your expression hardened. "Why not? Because I am a woman? I'm willing to bet I can beat you."

Kylo began to circle and you mirrored his motions, following his every footstep.

"I'll take that bet," he replied. "If I win... you have to go take a shower."

You gave Kylo an evil grin. "If I win, you have to join me."

"Deal."

Kylo lunged forward, trying to swipe the knife across your chest but you ducked, watching as the blade hissed by, only millimeters from your nose. You lunged at his torso but Kylo used his other hand to swat your arm down to your side. Every time Kylo would come at you, you would deflect the attacks, trying to tire him out so you could catch him off guard. You took notice of his aggressive tactics and planned the best possible counter-attack. Kylo swung at you but was out of range so you took the opportunity to kick him in the stomach. Kylo grunted but recovered quickly, grabbing your leg and pulling you off your feet and onto the floor. He quickly got on top of you, using one arm to pin down your hands and the other hand to point the knife at your neck. 

"Nice try," Kylo taunted.

You used your best seductive stare to try and catch him off guard. "I should warn you I'm kind of a sore loser."

You felt Kylo's grip soften on your hands and you pulled your legs to your stomach then pushed your feet up into his chest, forcing him backward in one swift motion. He fell back and you sat on his stomach, pulling the knife out of his hand and pointing it to his chest.

"It's a good thing I never lose," you continued.

Kylo frowned, "You cheated, I obviously won."

"Let's ask the ref shall we?" You held your free hand to your ear. "What was that? Oh, ref says I won," you teased.

Kylo wrinkled his nose. "You smell bad," he retorted.

You dropped the knife and slid it away so it was unreachable. You left your straddle position and lay on top of him.

"Get a good whiff," you goaded.

Kylo grabbed your hips and flipped you over so he was on top. He stood up and extended his hand. You accepted it and he pulled you up.

"Go take a shower," Kylo ordered in a harsh tone.

You raised an eyebrow. "But what about..."

"I need to tell Hux that he will have to wait until tomorrow to speak with us, you are currently incapacitated." He surveyed your figure. "Well, not yet, but you will be when I'm done with you," he promised.

Kylo walked out of the training room and you followed behind him, turning the opposite direction of him. You walked down the hallways, ignoring the stares you were receiving. Your hair hung in a greasy unkempt ponytail and your dress was wrinkled from wear. You rushed to your room and were thankful when the steel door came into view. You pushed the button and stepped into the hallway. You walked down the hallway and into the bathroom, turning on the shower and slipping out of your dress. The bathroom mirror slowly fogged over and you stepped into the steamy shower. The warm water relaxed your tense muscles and you leaned against the cold wall for support. You watched as the water traveled over your body and onto the tile before washing down the drain. You perked up when you heard the bathroom door open. The glass door was tinted from steam and you ran your hand over it and watched as Kylo removed his layers of clothing. Your stomach twisted in excitement and you focused on keeping steady breathing to hide your eagerness. You backed into the direct stream of water to make room for him. Kylo opened the glass door and stepped inside, staring at you with hunger in his eyes. You gulped in anticipation and took a step towards him. He moved close enough so that your skin almost touched but stopped just short. You went to touch his chest but he grabbed your shoulders and spun you around before pushing you into the wall. You turned your face to the side so your nose wouldn't be crushed into the chilly tile. 

"Look who's the sore loser now," you smirked.

His body connected with you, forcing your skin to mold into the wall. His hard member pushed into your ass and you let out a small moan.

"Shut up," he growled. "You have been very defiant lately. As the highest-ranking officer on this ship, it falls on me to discipline you." Kylo placed his lips on the area where your neck and shoulder met and bit into you. You hissed and he smiled into your skin. "I have been neglecting that responsibility for too long," he muttered.

He grabbed your hair and pulled you off the wall and further into him. He wrapped his arm around your waist and traced lines on your stomach. He traveled lower and began caressing the line where your thigh meets your mound. Shivers traveled through your body as butterflies entered your stomach. Kylo's hand moved onto your mound and then moved down to your lips, slowly fingering past them. You sucked in a breath and Kylo leaned into your neck, attacking the skin with deep kisses.

"Is this what you wanted, princess?"

You whimpered and Kylo pushed a finger into your entrance.

"Answer me. Is this what you wanted, princess? You want me to wreck you so badly you won't be able to speak?"

"Yes," you mewled.

Kylo pulled his finger out and grabbed your hand. He took two of your fingers and pushed them inside of you. 

"Bend over and put your hand on the wall. Keep your fingers inside of you," He ordered.

You obeyed his order, bending your back and putting your free hand on the wall for support.

Kylo forced his hard dick into your ass, pushing past your cheeks and into your hole. You groaned from the pressure and Kylo pushed further. He waisted no time picking up the pace, beating into you rapidly within seconds of starting. One of his hands grabbed yours and moved your fingers around inside of you. 

"Shit," you moaned.

Electricity traveled through your body in intense bursts. The double stimulation was pushing you to the edge and you screamed as your orgasm shredded through you. Kylo continued beating into you and you cried out as your orgasm consumed you. Before you could finish, Kylo pulled your fingers out of your entrance and spun you around to face him. You groaned in exasperation as the euphoria left your body in a harsh pain. Kylo forced you to down so you were kneeling in front of him.

"Be a good girl and make me cum. Only good girls get to finish," he warned.

You took his shaft into your mouth obediently and began sucking. You ran your tongue over his member and swallowed around him. He groaned and you swallowed again, hoping to make him beg for more.

"The only person begging will be you," he responded to your thoughts. 

Kylo grabbed the sides of your head and began fucking deeply into you. You gagged as he passed the back of your throat but he gave your noises no notice. You moaned and your thighs quivered in anticipation. You moved your hand down your body and began caressing your clit needily. Suddenly your hand was yanked away by an invisible arm.

"Did I say you could touch yourself?"

You whimpered around his dick and he exhaled deeply as he came into your mouth. Warm cum filled your throat as he continued to pump into you.

"Swallow it," Kylo ordered.

You obeyed and he slowly pulled himself out of your throat. You looked up at him with pleading eyes as your mind screamed for release.

"You want to cum?"

You shook your head in a vigorous yes and he gave you an evil smile.

"Show me how much you need me."

You slowly reached for his leg, tracing a finger down his thigh. You slowly rose to your feet as you used your lips to travel up his body. You sucked red marks on his chest and neck and he breathed heavily into your ear. Kylo pushed his knee into your legs, separating them with one jab. You ground into his knee and moaned uncontrollably. He grabbed your hips and lifted you onto him. He turned around and pushed you up the wall until your legs hung over his shoulders. Your widespread stance allowed warm air to enter you and you shivered. Kylo wasted no time inserting his face between your legs. He licked a line from your clit to your entrance and you groaned as pleasure ripped through your body. 

"I want to hear you scream my name while I wreck this tight pussy. Do you understand?"

"Yes," you stuttered. 

Kylo latched onto your clit and began tracing deep circles around it with his tongue. He grabbed your breasts and messaged them as he continued the vicious circular motions. You hissed as he squeezed your nipples tightly. Waves of pleasure crashed into your body in violent surges. You ran your hands through Kylo's wet hair, holding on for dear life. He began sucking on your clit and your legs squeezed his head in response. He smiled into you and began sucking harder. 

"Kylo," you moaned.

He said nothing as he continued to harass your clit, pushing you closer to your orgasm by the second. You pulled his hair as your thoughts began to jumble together into blinding euphoria. Kylo slowed slightly and you whined in response.

"Use your words," he commanded. "What do you want?"

"Let me cum," you cried in desperation.

"Ask nicely," he ordered.

"Please," you begged. "Please..." you sucked in a breath as another wave of pleasure ripped into you. "Please let me cum," you whimpered.

Without another word, Kylo began sucking violently sending you to the edge almost immediately. He traced his fingers over your nipples and you cried out as the stimulation pushed you into your impending orgasm.

"Kylo," you screamed as your eyes rolled back into your head. 

"Cum for me, princess," he instructed.

Your body seemed to melt into the wall as you lost control. Pleasure coursed through your body and you came violently into his mouth. Your thighs were crushing his skull and your hands were intertwined deeply into his hair.

"Now tell me who really won," he goaded.

"You did," you wheezed through deep breaths.

"Next time you cheat I won't be so kind," he threatened. "Do you understand?"

You nodded your head in a 'yes' as your eyes struggled to regain vision. Kylo pulled you off his shoulders and placed you in front of him. You held onto the wall as your legs continued to shake violently. Kylo reached behind him and when he turned back toward you he began running his fingers through your hair. The smell of shampoo hit your nose and you leaned into him as he washed your hair. He gently pushed you in the stream of water that fell from the ceiling and you closed your eyes as the soap washed out of your hair. Kylo ran a hand over your back in circular motions and you sighed deeply into him. You stood on your toes and pulled his face into yours, kissing him deeply. He returned the deep kiss and pulled you closer, moving his hands over your back in furious motions. Your mind attacked you with the picture of his shocked face and you pulled away abruptly. You looked away as your cheeks turned red in embarrassment.

"The night of the gala..."

"You did what needed to be done. There's nothing wrong with that," he reassured you.

"I just," you stuttered. "The look you had on your face. I thought maybe you disapproved or thought I was..." You stared at your feet, shifting them nervously."

"A monster?"

You jerked your head upwards, staring into his solemn eyes.

"Yes," you whispered.

"You are a monster," he stated evenly. "But so am I," he continued.

You shivered despite the warm shower. Realization hit you and you finally understood the depth of your relationship with Kylo. Both of you had lost the ability to love or had possibly never held the capacity in the first place. What you both contained was much deeper. It was like he was the air you breathed. He understood you so completely that you knew no one else would be able to do the same. You never had to hide your true feelings and desires because you knew he felt them too. Kylo completed you and you completed him. Without each other you held some power, bit together, you were unstoppable. You gulped back your thoughts as you stared into his eyes, knowing he had heard everything.

"Why were you so shocked, then?"

He shook his head as if trying to push away bad memories.

"She was screaming at me. At first, it was begging me to stop you but then she was telling me everything she knew about you. She was picking out these memories and showing them to me, trying to get me to hate you. She was screaming louder than I've ever experienced before. I don't know how she did it but it was like she was forcing me to experience all of these memories firsthand and it was exhausting. I'm surprised I didn't pass out."

"What did she tell you?" 

"Nothing important. It was mostly the beliefs that your people hold about men. She did make sure to point out that I'm the only man you've ever been with," he raised an eyebrow.

"Well when your entire planet consists of women you don't have much of a choice," you smirked.

"A lot of women evidently," he teased.

"Oh please, you can't tell me you haven't been with anyone else," you poked.

"Not as many as you," he said with mock disapproval. 

"Oh shut up," you grinned.

"Make me."


	37. Continue

Your mind slowly woke as it registered the sound of the chamber door opening and closing. You reached an arm to the other side of the bed but were greeted with cold sheets and a missing body. You groaned as you regained most of your bodily function and slowly opened your eyes. You heard a pair of boots marching down the hallway but decided you were too tired to deal with anyone right now. You buried your head in the pillow and pretended to be asleep. The footsteps stopped in the doorway and you tried to silence your thoughts as you hid from all responsibility. You were shocked out of your fake sleeping when a large person climbed on top of you.

"Your thoughts are incredibly loud for someone trying to hide," Kylo laughed deeply into your ear.

"You're crushing me," you whined.

Kylo pushed himself up and you rolled over to face him. His hair tickled your face and you crinkled your nose as it brushed over you.

"You can't stay in here forever," Kylo pointed out.

"Why not," you groaned.

"Because I said so," he retorted.

"I don't have to listen to you," you gave him a defiant stare.

Kylo lowered himself into you, lips attacking yours in a deep kiss. You returned his kiss as your hands searched for a way to get through his armor and onto his skin. You finally settled to run your fingers through his hair, hands pulling his mouth further into yours. You thought your body was going to explode from the energy flowing through it. You moaned into Kylo's mouth and he smiled through his kiss as his hands began kneading your breasts. You laughed as a realization crossed your mind.

"What are you avoiding by being here?"

"Some boring meeting," he breathed between kisses.

"On a scale of one to ten, how mad is Hux going to be that neither of us attended this meeting?"

Kylo groaned, "Probably one hundred." His face formed into a mock pout. "Why are you ruining my fun?"

You smiled, "because I can. Plus it's more entertaining for me to make you wait."

Kylo sat up and you followed suit. 

He frowned, "that's not very nice."

You gave him a sly grin. "I'm pure evil, baby."

He gave you an annoyed look. "Go get dressed," he ordered.

You stood and walked into the closet. You smiled and pulled out a black lace dress, holding it out for Kylo to see.

"How about this one?" 

The dress was completely see-through besides the tiny scraps of fabric that covered your lower area and breasts.

"Absolutely not," Kylo scoffed. "If I ever see you wearing that dress outside of this room I will burn it."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time you want something," you sniggered.

You continued digging through the expansive amount of dresses in the closet until you found the one you wanted. You put it on and stepped out of the closet into Kylo's view.

"Much better," he commented from his seated position on the bed, legs draped over the edge.

The black dress crept all the way to your neck and had flowy sleeves that fluttered in the breeze created by the air conditioning. The bodice had small golden details that pulled the dress together nicely. You grabbed a pair of long, black, leather boots with stiletto heels and sat next to Kylo on the bed to put them on. Your dress was very restricting and you realized you couldn't reach your feet. Without a word, you slid your legs onto Kylo's lap and handed him the boots. He rolled his eyes. 

"Nowhere in our vows did it say I had to help you put your shoes on."

"Yes, it did," you argued. "Right after the whole 'in sickness and health' part, it says you have to help your gorgeous wife put on her boots."

Kylo reluctantly slid the boots on your feet and pulled the leather fabric up your legs. As he zipped them he muttered under his breath, "I don't know about the gorgeous part."

"Keep running your mouth and see what happens," you warned lightly.

Kylo raised an eyebrow but bit back a retort as you stood. He stepped into the kitchen and removed his helmet from the kitchen table, placing it on his head. You walked out of your chambers and were about to turn towards the meeting rooms when Kylo halted suddenly and stared at one of the stormtroopers standing guard outside your room.

"What's your number?"

"LA-5477, sir."

"Did they train you to gossip in the academy or to actually do your job, LA-5477?"

The stormtrooper shifted uncomfortably. "They taught me to do my job, Commander."

"Then I advise you to keep your ignorant banter to yourself," Kylo ordered.

"Yes, Commander Ren," he stuttered. 

Kylo relaxed his angry figure and stepped back towards you.

"As you were," he instructed.

Kylo led you down the hallway and you raised an eyebrow at him.

"What was that about?"

"I'll tell you later," he stated firmly.

He opened the door and you stepped through it and into the meeting room. Several high-ranking generals were already settled into their seats and you and Kylo took the two empty ones by the front where Hux sat.

"Glad you could make it," Hux muttered sarcastically and a few generals chuckled.

You calmly placed your hands that were conveniently holding your lightsaber on the table and everyone quieted immediately. Hux cleared his throat anxiously and began his speech.

"Now that everyone is here, let's begin. We have received intel that the Resistance has a plan to attack the Finalizer in hopes of destroying it. We are on high alert and our engineers are working around the clock to ensure our shields are functioning perfectly. A decision needs to be made about evacuations, however. If this ship were to be destroyed with Commander Ren on it, it would be devastating for the First Order."

"And I'm just chopped liver?" 

A few members chuckled in response to your sarcastic comment and Kylo released a huff.

"Obviously you would accompany the Commander, Your Majesty," a female in attendance offered.

You made a mental note to memorize her face for future reference.

"Is the source of your information valid?" Kylo turned to face Hux.

"Yes it is a fairly reliable source," Hux responded.

"I'm not leaving unless this information is corroborated. The Resistance could be trying to draw us out in order to kill us."

"That is a possibility," Hux replied thoughtfully. 

"Then we will stay," you stated calmly.

"Very well. Next order of business," Hux trailed.

You zoned out while staring intently at the glass of water placed on the table in front of Hux's seat. You thought of nothing in particular as you let haziness consume you. A sudden idea occurred to you and you decided to test your new theory. You wondered if you could separate the liquid into tiny drops. You flicked your fingers gently and sure enough, a single drop separated from the rest and floated above the glass. You noticed that the density of the water was off and realized it wasn't water. You let the drop fall back into the cup as you sat back in amusement. Kylo's gaze was on Hux and you gently placed your hand on his thigh, reaching for his hands that were clasped under the table. He flinched but quickly relaxed as he realized who was touching him. 

I don't know what is in that glass but it isn't water, you thought loudly.

Alcohol?

Probably. If it is it's pretty strong to be drinking this early in the morning, you grinned.

"I have a question," you interrupted Hux's monotonous banter.

"Yes?" Hux gave you an annoyed look.

"There have been rumors among the ranks that some officers are struggling with alcohol problems. What do you suggest be done about this issue? Do we have any rehabilitation options for these staff members?"

Hux gulped loudly and you grinned. "I'm sure that can be discussed at a different time," he frowned.

"If I find out anyone on this ship is drinking while on duty I will personally push them out of an airlock," Kylo offered.

"Right. Well, on to the next order of business," he continued hastily. "Our allies are in constant need of appeasement. While most of them thoroughly enjoyed the gala, a few have raised concern about some alleged threats made to a specific ally by the Commander and the Queen."

You tried your best to hide your smile, digging your fingers into Kylo's gloved hand to prevent yourself from laughing. Your mind replayed the image of a drunk man hobbling quickly out of the ballroom in fear.

"I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about," Kylo retorted.

"We would never threaten someone," you chimed in.

"Right," Hux replied sarcastically. "Well, the fact still remains that some allies are becoming skittish again and we must appease them."

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

"Are you volunteering to be of assistance, Your Majesty?"

"It depends on what you want me to do," you replied evenly, unsure of Hux's smug grin.

"It would take about nine months to complete but shouldn't be too time-consuming," Hux edged.

"Ok?"

"And it may be a tad painful at the end," he continued helpfully.

"Cut to the chase," Kylo interjected.

"A child," Hux stated bluntly. "We want you to have a child.

You gaped at him, shocked at his forwardness. Your mind raced as it struggled to grasp the concept being presented to you.

"A child," you breathed, trying to process the words.

"A child," Hux confirmed.

Your mind went into full panic mode as it pointed out every single flaw in their plan. You worried you would have to reveal your secret to a roomful of strangers. Your brain began to shut down as it was overwhelmed with the question. You clasped your hands together and placed them on the table, staring at them intently.

Kylo had been eerily silent but finally spoke up. "The highest-ranking officers in the First Order met to resolve this problem and the best idea they could come up with was a child?"

"It seemed like the best idea," an officer spoke up.

"It was the easiest one," another one added.

"For you." Every eye in the room immediately focused on your icy ones. "It was the easiest idea because you all wouldn't have to lift a finger. You can go about your merry way while I subject my body to various tortures in order to appease a few flaky allies. Really simple right?" A few nodded in agreement and you slammed your hands on the table. "That's disgusting." You stood so suddenly your chair toppled over. "You can all go fuck yourselves."

You turned and stormed out of the meeting room and down the hall, trying to keep your wall of composure from crumbling into tears. You stopped in a narrow hallway as your breathing became painful and everything seemed to spin around you. You placed your arms on the wall and leaned your head into them, focusing on your breathing. You wheezed as tears bit at your eyes, begging to escape. A set of footsteps approached the narrow hallway you were hiding in and you turned your body away so they could not see your red face. The steps grew louder as the person traveled down your hall and you focused on keeping your breathing controlled.

"Are you ok?" A synthesized voice spoke from behind you but you refused to turn around.

"I'm fine," you replied softly.

"Don't lie to me," he warned in a calm tone.

You kept your back turned as you muttered the next words. "Even if I wanted to do what they want, I... I can't," you whispered.

You heard a small hiss as Kylo unlatched his helmet and removed it from his head.

"I know," he replied lowly.

Your eyes grew wide in surprise and you turned to face him.

"You know? How?"

"I had suspected it for a long time but Isa confirmed it."

"Oh," you breathed.

"If you could," he paused. "Would you want to?" 

For a fleeting second, his eyes cleared of all their pain and anger and replaced themselves with hope. You barely caught the shift and thought your eyes were playing tricks on you. You shook off the emotion and answered his question.

"This," you motioned around you, indicating you were referring to the Finalizer. "This is no place for an infant. We could never raise a child here. We would have to leave everything we have worked so hard to build. Would you really give up your plans to rule the galaxy for a baby? Because I wouldn't. We're too deep to get out now, Kylo. This is our life and it has no room for anyone besides you and me."

Kylo nodded solemnly and you grabbed his hand, holding it to your heart.

"But just know, if we lived different lives, I would say yes. Wholeheartedly." 

Your conversation was cut short when another set of footsteps traveled down the hallway. Hux's red hair shifted with each harsh step he took.

"So that's a no I'm guessing?"

Kylo took an attack-like stance but you placed a hand on his shoulder to hold him back.

"When I said go fuck yourselves that meant you too, Hux."

"Always a ray of sunshine, Your Majesty," he rolled his eyes. "I am here to inform you both of the transmission we just received from the Supreme Leader. He instructs you both to travel to him immediately."

"Both of us?" Your voice held a nervous lilt.

"Both of you," he confirmed. "Sorry to ruin your little makeout session," he smirked.

"Hux if you aren't out of my sight in five seconds I am going to cut you into two pieces," Kylo threatened.

Hux marched down the hall at lightning speed and Kylo turned to face you, raising an eyebrow at your anxious expression.

"What's wrong?"

You took a shaky breath. 

"Is he scary?"

Kylo's eyes darkened as he gave you his solemn answer.

"Yes."


	38. Protect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: graphic death, blood, injury, possibility of betrayal, choking

Your nerves were skyrocketing. You sat next to Kylo on the shuttle, hands shaking as you picked at your nails. You didn't know why you were nervous but you also couldn't stop it. You had never met the Supreme Leader but from what you knew about Kylo's past and whispers you had heard, you knew he was not a happy ray of sunshine. Of course, you had never expected him to be, but you hoped he would at least sane. Kylo kept his eyes on the glass in front of him but would occasionally give instructions about what was to come. You couldn't decide if his words were meant to benefit you or him.

"You have to control your anger. Snoke will try to get a rise out of you... don't let him."

You flattened your shirt and smoothed over your pants, trying to distract yourself from the anxiety radiating throughout the ship.

"Keep your mind blank. He will use your thoughts against you."

"Don't react if he brings up your past. It's history and it will stay that way."

"Be agreeable even when he insults you."

"It's going to be okay, this is not a big deal. I'm sure this will just be a small meet-and-greet."

"Not a big deal..."

His sentences went in one of your ears and out the other as you nodded in agreement with what he said. Kylo's careless attitude left him slowly as he flew further away from the Finalizer. His shoulders hunched up and he looked like he might have to hide at a moment's notice. You decided that anyone who made Kylo so defensive did not deserve your respect.

"Don't-"

You grabbed Kylo's hand and he turned to look at you. Your expression was calm as your eyes said what your mouth would not, it's going to be okay. His eyes darkened as he shook himself out of his disposition.

"I'm being stupid. I just don't want you to make a bad first impression. He will kill you if he doesn't think you are valuable," Kylo warned.

"Do you think I'm valuable?" 

Your own question caught you by surprise but Kylo simply rolled his eyes.

"Don't be dumb. The Supreme Leader does not tolerate idiocy."

"Wow, thanks."

"Anytime."

The shuttle exited hyperspeed and entered the proximity to a star destroyer identical to the Finalizer. Kylo entered a series of numbers into the keypad and the red light at the bottom turned green, signaling your clearance to enter the hanger. Kylo landed the shuttle inside the hangar which looked exactly like the one on the Finalizer. Two groups of people dressed in all red lined the sides of the ramp, creating a pathway for you and Kylo to walk through. The mysterious soldiers marched behind you as Kylo led you down the halls until you came upon a set of large double doors. Kylo took a quick breath before reaching for the handle and pulling the doors open. You walked into what seemed to be a throne room with a large man sitting on the throne. He had pinkish skin with a circular face and a wrinkled forehead. His size made Kylo look like a dwarf and you look like an infant. The men marching behind you urged you further into the room and you took in your surroundings with curiosity. 

"Well, well, well. I finally get the pleasure of meeting the woman I have heard so much about."

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized you recognized the voice of the Supreme Leader. You remembered your dreams from when you were on death's door, how he had spoken to you.

Kylo knelt before the Supreme Leader but you remained standing as you took in his words.

"Did no one ever teach you to respect those in power? Kneel."

"I have always been the person in power. I kneel to no one," you replied with arrogant certainty.

Your body began to tense up against your will and you felt as if you were being suffocated. Your limbs bent without your consent and you were forced to your knees.

"Make no mistake who is more powerful, little girl. My abilities are beyond your understanding."

Snoke let go of his force-hold and you collapsed on the floor, wheezing for air. He ignored you and turned his attention to Kylo.

"I'm not surprised you chose her. Her skull is thicker than yours."

Kylo said nothing as he silently broke his eye contact with Snoke to make sure you were breathing. Snoke followed his line of sight to your heaving figure and retook control of your body. You were lifted into the air and brought towards him, body writhing to be free of his invisible grasp. You felt the lightsaber at your belt leave your side as it raced towards Snoke. He pulled it into his hands, examining it carefully before igniting both ends. Snoke turned the hilt in his hands, running his fingers along the intricate rings and impressions.

"You made this for her?" Snoke's attitude towards Kylo held a disbelieving lilt.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," Kylo replied reverently.

"You couldn't even stabilize one kyber crystal for your own saber and yet," he paused. "You were able to give this," he gestured toward your trembling figure that was still suspended in air, "this girl, two?" 

Kylo nodded solemnly, "yes."

Snoke let out a deep chuckle. "Interesting. Very interesting indeed. It seems that I was correct, then?"

"You were, Supreme Leader."

Snoke noticed your confused expression and turned to face you. 

"I have known of your potential for a long time, now. All you needed was a few small pushes and I was more than happy to provide the much-needed nudges."

"What do you mean?" You wheezed between quick breaths.

"Oh, it was nothing really. Just some whispers here and there encouraging betrayal, lust, and most importantly, death."

Your mind raced through everything that had happened after you met Kylo. Your mother's sudden death, Adira's betrayal, being forced into your marriage with Kylo, Isa's claims that someone made her try to poison you. You remembered how hesitant you had been to kill Isa but then suddenly your mind had screamed for you to end her life. Your blood boiled as you realized who was responsible for all the pain in your life.

"You," you seethed. "You ruined my life." 

"Oh no, child. I made it so much better. I helped you become who you were always meant to be."

"No, I wasn't."

Anger rose inside and radiated off your skin. Your blood boiled and your face turned red as you struggled against his hold on you. Snoke released you and your feet landed squarely on the ground. He turned to face Kylo, giving him a disappointed expression.

"We agreed that you could keep her if you could control her. It seems to me that she may be the one in control."

You swiveled your head to face Kylo and then turned back towards Snoke.

"I didn't realize how difficult it would be, my master. She is very powerful."

Your mind struggled to decide if Kylo really meant what he was saying or if he was just saying these things for show.

"She is indeed," Snoke replied thoughtfully. "But you are stronger. If she will not comply then she cannot live."

Kylo looked at you, silently begging you to surrender to Snoke. Your mind remained resolved and your eyes stared back at him with icy hatred. 

"I'm leaving."

You turned to walk out the door but just as your hand touched the handle, it moved to your neck. Oxygen left your body as an invisible hand closed around your throat, cutting off your airway. You turned to face Snoke but were instead greeted with Kylo's face. His eyes were filled with sorrow that was unlike anything you had ever seen before. His hand used the force to constrict your breathing.

"Kylo," you wheezed. "What are you doing?"

"He is doing what he must. Just like his father, you have proven yourself a distraction to his journey through the dark side. And, just like his father, you must die because of it."

Your mind reminded you of when you had been poisoned. Kylo's temperament had been erratic and he had cut you off, hiding away for weeks. You remembered how gentle he had been when you were wasted in Cloud City. You recalled the words he had spoken as he washed you off, why the hell did I leave you? Your anger faded and replaced itself with an intense feeling of grief, almost as if you were experiencing Kylo's heartbreak.

"Kylo," you whimpered sympathetically. 

His hand faltered and air reentered your lungs.

"Prove yourself worthy, boy. Kill her," Snoke bellowed.

"He's manipulating you," you screamed through strained breaths. "Don't let him Kylo!"

"Kill. Her."

Kylo's hold on your airway resumed at Snoke's order and you silently begged him with your eyes. Your mind clouded as your breaths shortened. 

"Please Kylo," you whispered. "Please."

Black spots crept into your vision as hot tears exited your eyes. You didn't know if you were still begging aloud or in your mind. A wave of calm spread over you as your vision blackened. Your mother appeared and held out her hand. You reached to take it but then the little girl with black hair you had seen once in a dream appeared to the left of your mother. Your mind raced as you looked at both of them, trying to decide which hand to take. The child's long black hair lay unkempt on her shoulders and her brown eyes stared at you sleepily. You felt deep waves of affection roll from you as you reached for her tiny hand. 

The two figures disappeared and your airway cleared. You felt your body collide with something hard but had no clue what it was. You struggled to stay conscious as you heard a loud collision of a lightsaber against another. You were retching for air as you fought with your body's attempts to blackout. Your eyes began to focus and you rolled over to face the noise. Snoke's body lay in two pieces on the floor mere yards from your face. The red figures that had followed you into the throne room were surrounding Kylo in waves. A few noticed that you were alive and turned to face you. You became fully alert as three of them advanced towards you. One raised his weapon above you, moving to stab you but you were quicker. You held out your hand, encouraging your weapon to come to you. A hilt connected with your palm and you ignited it quickly, decapitating the body in front of you. The saber vibrated violently and you looked down to find Kylo's saber in your hand instead of your own. You swung it towards the other two and cut deep gashes into their bodies. They fell to the floor and you rushed to help Kylo who, despite wielding your double-edged saber with lightning speed and deadly power, was quickly becoming overpowered. You caught a few of the red knights by surprise when you stabbed them in the back. Half of them turned to face you, attacking from multiple sides as you struggled to get to Kylo. You pushed your hands away from your body, using the force to send a wave of energy out from your body, toppling a few of the red warriors. You ducked as someone swung at your head, sliding Kylo's saber through their legs. You worked through the warriors until you finally made it to Kylo who was fighting a knight that was proving to be very difficult to kill. You were about to help when the butt of a sword collided with your back, causing you to double over in pain. You turned to face your attacker who held a glowing whip-like weapon. He swung it around the saber, pulling it out of your hands and throwing it to the other side of the room. He cracked the whip at you but you rolled out of the way, feeling the whip hiss inches away from you. You reached your hand out for the saber to come to you but the warrior swung the whip at your arm, tearing the skin from your shoulder to your hand open in one swipe. You let forth a blood-curdling scream as you grabbed your shoulder in agony. The knight raised his hand to strike you, yet again, but stopped suddenly and looked down at his stomach where your saber was poking out of it. He fell to the floor, revealing Kylo standing behind him, your saber in his hands. He extended a hand to help you up but you jumped up instinctively to intercept the person who's weapon was seconds from sprouting through Kylo's body. You realized too late that you had no weapon and could do nothing but watch as his weapon entered your body just barely under your ribs,

"Shit," you muttered.

Kylo decapitated the man but before he could help you the final two living knights attacked him. He quickly killed the first one, but the second one was very skilled and kept deflecting Kylo's attacks. The man clothed completely in red swung at Kylo's face causing Kylo to cry out as the blade left a gash along his face beginning at his forehead and spanning over his eye all the way to his cheek. Despite the blood flowing from your shoulder, adrenaline continued to rush through your veins. You pulled the weapon from your stomach and stood, quietly sneaking around the warrior and slicing his back from behind. He fell and you looked around at the dead bodies strewn throughout the throne room. You reached out your hand and Kylo's saber flew into your hand. You extinguished it and stumbled towards Kylo who had hooked your saber hook to his belt as he rushed toward you. You tripped and fell into Kylo's arms, mind growing tired. You blinked repeatedly, trying to clear the clouds moving over your vision. You looked at Kylo's face, which was bleeding only slightly, and frowned. 

"Are you okay?"

Kylo whispered your name breathily as he took in your wounds. "I'm fine. You on the other hand..." He gulped loudly as he noticed the pool of your blood that was on the floor in addition to what was gushing out of your arm and stomach.

"I feel fine," you slurred. You smiled and reached your hand to his cheek that was not cut, stroking it gently. "So pretty," you whispered sluggishly. You lost control of your hand as it flopped to your side, vision blackening rapidly.

"Stay with me," Kylo ordered as he picked you up, rushing you through the halls.

Officers and stormtroopers jumped aside as they stared at him in confusion, wondering how you had gotten so badly injured. Kylo was quick to provide and excuse as he rushed to the hangar.

"There are rebels aboard! Everyone leave before they blow up the ship!"

A wave of people followed Kylo into the hangar, prepping their ships and wasting no time flying off the ship. Kylo stepped up the ramp, closing it quickly and starting up the engines as he lay you gently onto one of the benches in the back. He moved to the cockpit, setting the hyperdrive and sending the ship hurtling into space. He stepped back to you, undoing his cloak and wrapping it around your arm, tying it into a makeshift tourniquet. You cussed violently as the tourniquet cut off your circulation. Kylo used his hands to clot the hole in your stomach as best as he could. Your mind experienced a sudden moment of clarity and your working arm reached for the hand on his stomach.

"You would kill your own father but not me?"

"Yes," he replied distantly.

"Why?"

Your speech was cut off as your vision faded and your eyes shut.

"Dammit," he muttered. "Fight it," he choked out your name.

You felt your body going limp as the ship landed and you barely registered what was happening. Kylo's strong hands gripped your body tightly as he rushed you to the medbay. You felt your life-force slowly waning and Kylo must have felt it too because he pulled you closer to his chest.

"No, no, no," he muttered. "You can't die," he ordered breathily. "I love you, okay?" He whispered the words so quietly your mind barely caught them. "I couldn't kill you because I love you."

You felt your body being placed on a stretcher and your mind disappeared into pure black.


	39. Choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: comatose-state, near-death experience, loss of time, loss of title, the in-laws come to visit :)

If the image of your mother's death replaying in your mind wasn't enough to make you scream, the sharp pains running down your arm and over your stomach were. Your mind brought you out of the darkness and into the bright light. You tried to cover your face but your hand wouldn't budge. As your eyes focused on your surroundings you turned and gasped when you saw your arm. Tight stitches spanned from your shoulder all the way to your hand and you guessed there were about a hundred stitches in all. Your arm was restrained to prevent movement but even the slightest tremor of your hand sent blinding pain shooting through your arm. You let forth another bloodcurdling scream and a doctor rushed in to help you. He shushed you gently as he adjusted the meds running through your IV and into the opposite arm.

"It's okay, Your Majesty. You are safe now," he reassured you gently.

You tried to sit up but realized a strap ran across your ribcage, securing you to the bed. You looked down at your torso and saw a large bandage over where you had been stabbed. You shivered and another sharp pain ran through your body. The sight of your fragile state overwhelmed you. Suddenly, your eyes rolled back into your head. You lost control of your body as intense tremors surged over your body. You spasmed uncontrollably while shocks of electricity probed your brain.

"I need help in here!" 

The doctor tried to hold you down but your body was too strong. Sets of footsteps ran into the room, moving to restrain you. You felt your IV eject itself from your arm.

"Her IV," someone yelled.

"I can't get close enough, she's using the Force," another shouted.

"Go get the Supreme Leader," the doctor ordered. "Hurry!"

You tried to fight your mind but it would not yield, contracting into a ball and then spreading out again. You gasped for breath but no matter how much you got, your brain still felt foggy from oxygen loss. Your vision would darken and then return in painful spurts.

"Get out of the way," a nurse screeched as loud footsteps stomped into the room.

A deep voice called your name repeatedly but your eyes could not focus enough to look at him. A large amount of weight was suddenly applied to your body and someone grabbed your arm, reinserting the IV as quickly as possible. The convulsion slowed and you calmed as the sedative in the IV entered your bloodstream. Your eyes opened sleepily, staring into the concerned eyes of Kylo Ren who was using his body to keep yours from spasming.

"Kylo," you whispered.

"I'm right here," he shushed you.

A sudden wave of dizziness overwhelmed you. You closed your eyes and one of the monitors you were hooked up to began beeping loudly.

"Her pulse is dropping rapidly," a nurse informed the doctor.

"We're losing her," another cried.

Kylo tried to shake you back to reality. "Come on," he yelled your name, "fight it!"

"Someone get him out of here," the doctor ordered.

The weight on your body was lifted as nurses pulled Kylo off of you. Your shirt was ripped off your body as cold pads were applied to your chest.

"On three," the doctor instructed. "One, two..."

Their voices faded into darkness.

///

You faded in and out of reality. Every once in a while you heard voices but you couldn't decide if they were real or figments of your imagination.

"How long until she wakes up?"

"We don't know that she will wake up, sir."

The voices changed.

"If you don't wake up soon I'm going to kill your husband. He has only become more insufferable in your absence," a whiny voice stated.

A new voice appeared in your mind.

"I was thinking of that strategy you created in our next battle. If we seem outnumbered then attack from behind..."

///

You awoke to the bright lights of an empty hospital room. The only noise was one of the monitors beeping steadily beside you. You realized you were not restrained so you sat up carefully. The wounds on your arm and stomach were bandaged tightly and the blinding pain you had experienced before was nowhere to be found.

"Hello?"

No one answered. 

"Hello?"

Complete silence.

You decided to get up and look for the doctor. You gently removed your IV and stood, exiting the room and walking into the main area of the med bay. No one was there so you walked out and down the hallway, towards the bridge. The usually bustling halls were completely empty.

"Where is everybody?" You wondered aloud.

Still, no one answered. You grew uneasy and walked faster. You turned onto the bridge but neither Kylo nor Hux where there. Officers worked quietly below but paid no attention as you walked over them. 

"What's going on?"

They gave no sign that they had heard you, continuing to work as usual. You turned and ran down the halls until you were in Kylo's chambers. Despite the long sprint you had just completed, you were breathing normally. You stepped down the hallway to find a door you had never seen before was open. You walked into the room to find Kylo staring blankly at a large window. You looked around and found that the room had been recently dismantled. Large gashes were cut into the walls and chairs were turned over. A pedestal had been cut in half and a disfigured helmet similar to Kylo's lay in the ashes. Kylo's own helmet was in pieces on the floor near a huge circular dent in the wall. Kylo's calm stature broke and he pounded his fist into the glass, causing a tiny crack to appear.

"Dammit," he yelled. "Is this my punishment? I kill my father and now you're going to take her away from me? Why? Why can't I have one single thing that makes me happy?"

You moved closer and noticed that Kylo's cheeks were wet and his eyes bloodshot. Your heart broke at the sight of him so upset.

"I'm right here, Kylo," you cried out.

Kylo thrust his hand against the glass a second time and you knew he hadn't heard you.

You tried to touch his shoulder but your hand went straight through him. You looked at your arms in shocked confusion. You looked up and stared at the glass but no reflection stared back at you. A startling realization crossed your mind as you stared into the depths of space.

"Am I dead?"

"Not yet," a deep voice spoke behind you.

You turned to find a grey-haired man standing in the doorway. His nose pointed out like Kylo's and his eyes held the same serious look. Another man with long grey hair and a metal arm appeared beside him and you gasped.

"You're...Luke Skywalker," you pointed at the long-haired man. You turned to the other man. "And you are..."

"I'm your father-in-law." He smirked and gave you a shrug.

"And you're both..."

"Dead," they declared in ironic unison.

"But I'm not dead?"

"Not yet," Han Solo repeated.

"Why can I see you two if I'm not dead?"

"Because you're almost dead," Luke answered.

"Great... So how do I become not dead?"

"You choose," Han stated.

"Choose what?"

Suddenly two lightsabers appeared in front of you. On the right was your grey saber and on the left was your black one. 

"When Ben killed me he made his decision between light and dark but you have still not figured out which of these people you want to be. Are you still the Queen of Malachor or are you a deadly assassin with a strong connection to the Dark Side of the Force and wife of Kylo Ren?"

"I-" you stuttered. "Why can't I be both?"

"Because it's tearing you apart," Luke explained.

Your mind spun as the weight of your situation hit you. What you had been avoiding for so long was not waiting any longer.

"And if I don't choose?"

"You die," they replied bluntly.

You stared at the sabers in front of you. When you looked at the silver one you saw a clear image of green grass and the little girl you contained a mysterious bond with. Everything seemed happy, but there was something missing. When you looked at the black saber you saw the beautiful galaxy bowing to your power and realized what was missing from the other image was Kylo Ren. Kylo, who had managed to unlock the cage guarding your heart and steal it away from you. You could clearly see how each story would end, one in happiness the other in flames. But it didn't matter. You knew your answer. You grabbed the black saber and the other disappeared into thin air.

"I pray there is still hope for both of you. Leia always wanted someone she could treat like a daughter. How wonderful would it be for her to get her son back and gain a daughter?" Han's voice was filled with sad longing and you knew he understood the chance of his hopes coming true were incredibly slim.

"Prophecies are a dangerous thing," Luke warned. "Don't let the pressure consume you. Every choice comes at a price."

///

You gasped for breath as your eyes opened, staring at the ceiling tiles in confusion. A nurse shushed you as she ran a warm cloth over your face, washing it gently. Two voices were yelling outside the door and the kind nurse rolled her eyes. You focused on the yelling, trying to make out what they were saying.

"If she wakes up, you have to tell her," one voice huffed.

"The news would kill her," the other voice yelled.

"So what's your plan, then? Let her believe everything is okay when it isn't even close to being okay?"

Your stomach sank as you realized what was going on. Luke's words echoed in your ear: every choice comes at a price. You had chosen Kylo instead of your planet and the universe was more than happy to deliver its' judgment.

"Bring them in here," you instructed the nurse hoarsely. 

She nodded and stepped towards the door, pushing the button to reveal Kylo and Hux at each other's necks. They turned in surprise and noticed you were conscious. Kylo rushed to your side and Hux followed closely behind. 

"You're awake," Kylo whispered.

"I'm glad you're alive," Hux commented with deep sympathy in his eyes.

You brushed off their concerned faces and cut to the chase. "Something happened on Malachor, didn't it?"

Kylo and Hux exchanged a pointed glance as if still having a silent battle.

"You have been in a coma for a while," Kylo offered.

"It died," Hux interrupted. "Everything died. We can't explain why but the flowers wilted, the temperature skyrocketed, and the rivers and lakes completely dried up."

"Everyone made it off safely, though," Kylo reassured you.

You nodded solemnly but no tears left your eyes. 

"It was time for my past to die." You paused staring off into space before shaking yourself back into reality. "There is something I need to do."

You used your free arm to undo the restraints on your other arm and went to undo the one on your waist when Kylo stopped you, pushing your hands away from the latch.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I have to get up. Please Kylo," you begged.

"You aren't going anywhere until you are well," Hux instructed curtly.

You and Kylo both gave Hux the side-eye.

"I don't remember marrying you, Hux," you replied coldly.

Hux rolled his eyes. "I have other matters to attend to. Try not to die while I'm gone."

You rolled your eyes as Hux stomped out of the room. You turned to face the nurse who was fiddling with your IV knobs.

"Can I get up? I just need to do something really quickly and then I'll be right back," you promised.

She nodded and you swatted Kylo's hand away to undo the final restraint. The nurse placed a hand on your back to help you sit up without hurting yourself but you still hissed when your stomach moved and put pressure on your wound.

"You're in pain. Whatever you need to do can wait until you heal," Kylo argued.

"I'm getting up whether you like it or not," you responded through gritted teeth as tears bit at your eyes. 

You carefully swung your legs over the bed and the sheets covering your body fell, revealing your bare chest underneath. You grabbed the sheet, covering yourself in shocked embarrassment. Kylo smirked and your cheeks turned red.

"I'll go find you something to wear," the nurse offered quickly. 

You nodded through your red hot face and she left the room. You crossed your arms over your chest and Kylo sat on the edge of the bed beside you. 

"You act like I've never seen you naked before," he teased.

"It's not that it's..." you moved the sheet so he could see the large bandage covering your stomach.

Kylo's smile faded and you looked away as embarrassment flooded your face. He gently grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him.

"Wounds heal," he pointed out as he brought your hand up to the strip covering where his face had been sliced open. "Every time I see that scar I'll remember how you saved my life. If you hadn't jumped in front of his sword I would have died," he whispered gravely.

Kylo traced his hand over the bandage covering the stitches lining your arm and you flinched. Kylo jumped up as the nurse reentered holding a black dress. She removed your IV and slipped the soft material over your head, gently pulling it over your body. The dress had flowy sleeves that covered your wound and you crossed your arms to cover where the bandage on your stomach peeked through the fabric of the dress. Kylo helped you up and kept a protective arm on your back as you moved slowly towards the door. You trudged down the hallways towards your old chambers, where you used to sleep many months ago. You opened the door and let Kylo help you inside. Your silver saber sat on the kitchen table and you picked it up from its' spot. You walked out of your chambers and towards the room where the escape pods were kept. You placed your lightsaber inside one of the pods and set the coordinates for Malachor. The vessel launched into space and you leaned against Kylo's chest as you watched it fade into the stars. You knew it was the closure you needed but you still felt a twinge of pain watching your past disappear.

"Sorry I stole one of your escape pods," you muttered as you stared out the window numbly.

"They're yours too," he commented evenly.

You turned to look at him, a confused expression in your eyes. 

"Everyone thinks the Resistance is responsible for Snoke's death so no one suspects a thing. Evidently Snoke had a will-of-sorts stating that if he died I should take his place as Supreme Leader. Only, it seems that he made changes to it. A newer version of the document was discovered while sanitation workers were cleaning up the throne room. It states that both of us are to share the burden of being the Supreme Leader of the First Order."

You gaped at him in shock. "Me?"

Kylo nodded, "You," he confirmed.

You felt lightheaded and everything seemed to blur out of focus. "I think I'm going to pass out," you muttered as you grabbed onto his arms for support. Kylo wrapped his arms around your body to prevent you from falling.

"I think that's enough excitement for you. It's time to go back to the med bay."

You frowned. "Why can't I sleep with you?"

"If you even fidget wrong in your sleep those stitches are going to tear wide open. You are going back to the med bay and that's final," he declared.

"Fine," you pouted.

You let Kylo lead you back towards the med bay. If he hadn't supported your waist with his hand, you would have faceplanted a few times before you got back into the room. Your mind grew foggy as sharp pains ran up your arm and through your stomach. You realized the pain medicine you had been given was wearing off. Your face became clammy as your stomach threatened to spew its contents. You used every remaining bit of energy to keep a straight face as Kylo helped you into bed. Despite your best efforts, you muttered a few cuss words under your breath as the shifting of your stomach sent blinding spurts of pain through your body. Kylo called for a nurse and you tried to protest halfheartedly.

"I'm fine," you insisted through gritted teeth.

The nurse entered and followed Kylo's instructions to reinsert your IV.

"She needs painkillers," he ordered the nurse.

He nodded and stuck a needle into the IV port. Your pain dulled to a throb and you relaxed against the pillow as your body calmed. You looked at Kylo's stony expression remembering the same expression in your dream on his father's face.

"Kylo," you whispered and he snapped out of his guarded stature.

"How long was I in a coma?"

He gave you a sad look as if this had been the worst time of his life.

"A month," the words barely left his lips.

You stared at the ceiling, doing the math in your head. It had been ten months since you had married Kylo and eight since you had discovered the range of your powers when you had removed the water from the lake, almost killing yourself in process. Those events felt as if they had happened yesterday instead of almost a year ago.

"So long," you muttered. "So much time we've lost."

"We have all the time in the world," Kylo reassured you calmly. "Right now you need to rest."

"I'm scared," you whispered. "What if I don't wake up?"

Kylo pulled the metal chair from the corner next to your bed and sat in it, placing his hands on top of yours.

"You will wake up, I promise."

You shook your head nervously. You were too afraid to fall asleep.

"I can't do it."

Kylo placed a hand on your forehead and closed his eyes in concentration. Your eyes began to droop as your brain fogged over sleepily. You pulled his hand that was still in yours to your chest and held it tightly as reality disappeared into a peaceful fog.


	40. Miss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: blood, smut

You were itching to get out of your room in the med bay. Besides allowing you to get up and walk around the lobby a few rare times, you hadn't been allowed out of bed. You spent a lot of your time napping. You would occasionally see Kylo's shadowy figure hiding in the corner of the room watching you in silent concern but then you would fall back into the hole of unconsciousness that pulled at you. As the doctors slowly weaned you off the various drugs they were pumping through your system, your mind began to clear. You were so bored that you begged Hux to give you paperwork, something you had sworn to never do again. The fallout from Snoke's death kept Kylo busy as he tried to settle into the role of Supreme Leader. You had not seen him at all the past three days because he was traveling to other Star Destroyers. You had gotten well enough that the doctor gave you the option of returning to your quarters but you didn't want to sleep in the large bed by yourself. Being without Kylo for so long hurt you more than the gash in your stomach which had been healing nicely. You were finding it harder and harder to wake up with each passing day that he was gone. You were napping restlessly when you finally felt his presence on the Finalizer again. You shot out of your light sleep, frantically yanking off the cables tying you to various machinery and pulling on the black shirt and pants that were resting on the metal chair. Your bare feet slapped against the tile floor as you rushed to the hangar. The second you caught his dark brown eyes you froze. Staring at him in that moment was like seeing him for the first time. Kylo was wearing his normal attire minus his helmet that had not yet been repaired. You secretly hoped it would never get fixed. Kylo raised an eyebrow as he took in your wrinkled clothing with a tiny grin. He took large strides, stopping inches away from you. It took every bit of self-control you had to keep your hands to yourself. 

"Your shirt is inside out," he observed.

You looked down to find that he was correct. You went to look up but grimaced when you saw a drop of blood roll down your arm and hit the floor. Kylo looked at where your IV had been and frowned.

"Did you rip out your IV?"

"No..." you stalled unconvincingly.

"Do you really want to lie to me?" He took another step towards you, chest almost touching your own causing butterflies to fly wildly through your stomach.

"Fine," you surrendered. "Yes, I did," you admitted sheepishly.

Kylo grabbed your bandaged arm, moving it so he could observe the wound. The stitches on your lower arm had been removed but the ones on your upper arm and shoulder remained. He traced his hand over the scar and you shivered as his calloused hands stroked the pink sensitive skin that made up the large blemish. He reached for your stomach but you swatted his hands away.

"There are people, Kylo," you muttered through gritted teeth as your eyes made a large sweep of the bustling hangar.

"And I'm the Supreme Leader," he argued. You raised an eyebrow and he corrected himself. "We are the Supreme Leaders." He ducked his face into your neck. "Which means I can do whatever I want," he growled into your ear.

"Not unless I say you can," you whispered lowly.

"You forget who is in charge."

You gave Kylo an evil grin. "Oh, I know exactly who is in charge."

You turned and strutted out of the hangar towards your chambers. You could hear the unmistakable sound of Kylo's boots behind you but kept going, turning the corner instead of going straight as you should have. You continued down the dark and narrow hallway and jumped back in surprise when you ran into an invisible wall. You turned to see Kylo with his arm outstretched, using the force to prevent you from escaping. He took menacing steps toward you, eyes full of evil desire.

"Did you really think you could get away from me?"

"Of course not, my dear husband. I just wanted to frustrate you," you taunted him.

"Why would you want to do that?" Kylo's voice was low and your brain was firing on all circuits, excited at how close he was to you. The urge to touch him was becoming harder to ignore with every second that passed.

"Because I can."

Kylo's body connected with yours as he pushed you into the wall. He grabbed your hips, fingers tracing lines under your shirt, traveling up your curves. His lips attacked yours in a heated kiss. You returned his feverish desire, placing your hands on the sides of his head and yanking his hair to pull him closer to you. Kylo froze when his hands grazed over the bandage on your stomach. He pulled away with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine, Kylo," you reassured him.

"It should have healed already," he replied gravely.

"It was a deep wound, give it time."

"But..."

You cut him off by covering his mouth with your own, kissing him gently.

"Just admit you missed me," you smirked.

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Missed what? Your attitude? No one has yelled at me this entire week and it's been amazing," he teased.

"If I wasn't here to yell at you, you would even more insufferable than you already are. I'm doing everyone a service if you think about it," you smiled. "And don't even act as if you don't like it, I know you do."

"No, I like what comes after you yell at me." Kylo ran one of his hands down your back and onto your hips.

You frowned. "I think you need a lesson in keeping your mouth shut," you retorted.

You slipped out of his grasp and walked away, turning the corner with quick steps. You could hear him behind you but continued until you got to your chambers. You pressed the button and the door opened with a loud hiss. You stepped through the frame and into the kitchen, pretending to be busy looking in the fridge when Kylo walked into the room.

"There you are again with that ridiculous attitude," Kylo snapped.

You held out your hand and one of the metal chairs at the table slid behind Kylo, causing his knees to buckle into the chair. You continued to look through the fridge as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, so you're ignoring me now?"

You didn't respond. You shut the fridge and walked into the bathroom, finding the gauze that the doctor had provided so you could change your bandages by yourself. You walked back into the kitchen and placed the roll of gauze on the table next to Kylo, acting as if he was invisible. You removed your shirt, carelessly tossing it to the side as if there was no one in the room besides you. You peeled off the old wrappings on your arm and then rolled the new bandage around your arm until the stitches were completely covered. You tied it off at the end and then started working on your stomach. You tried to pull the gauze around your abdomen but couldn't reach all the way around. You turned towards Kylo, stepping over his crossed legs so your stomach was right in front of his face. You handed him the roll of gauze and he took it, wrapping it around your wound in calm motions. When he finished he looked back up at you, taking a second to hover his gaze on your chest. He met your eyes then looked down at your lips, looking back up with a questioning expression. You sat on his lap placing one hand on his chest, forcing him to sit back in the chair. He inched his hands onto your ass but you pulled them off, bouncing once on his lap to frustrate him.

"Do you think you deserve to touch me? After you just insulted me? I don't think so."

You pulled his hands behind the chair, using the remaining gauze to tie them in place. You pulled off Kylo's cape and began sucking red marks into his neck. He groaned and tried to grind into from his seated position. You smiled into his skin and sucked harder causing him to breathe deeply into your ear. You pulled away and stood up, giving him a full view of your body. You turned around so he could only see your back and undid your bra. You tossed it to the side and began fiddling with the button on your pants. You slid them off your body and then grabbed the sides of your underwear, pulling them down as slowly as possible. You turned and watched as Kylo took in your body, biting his lip and then allowing it to part in awe. You stepped towards him but stopped just short, watching as he struggled against the makeshift handcuffs holding him back. 

"Oh no, you get to suffer," you smirked. 

You ran a hand up your thigh, moving closer to your mound with every inch of skin you caressed. You moved to your clit closing your eyes as electricity ripped through your body. You inched towards your entrance but were stopped by an invisible hand. You opened your eyes to see Kylo focusing intently on keeping your frozen.

"You fucker," you breathed,

"Come here," he growled.

"No," you snapped. 

You crossed your arms and gave him an annoyed look. Kylo closed his eyes in concentration and you felt yourself sliding towards him. He pulled his wrists away from each other causing his bonds to snap apart, freeing his hands. You gulped nervously when he saw his angry expression. He stood, knocking the chair over in the process and came so close your noses almost touched. 

"You need to get over yourself," he glowered. "I missed you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Not when you don't mean it," you frowned.

"I do mean it," he retorted.

"Prove it."

Kylo placed his hands on your waist and pushed you backwards. You took slow steps back until your naked body met the cold metal table. You placed your hands on the table, pushing yourself up so you were sitting on the hard surface. He pressed into your body, lips meeting yours in a slow passionate kiss. His mouth left yours, moving down to your neck. He continued the slow kisses, working his way down your body. He took time to relish every bit of your skin, slowly pushing you down in the process. His lips made their way past your bandaged stomach and towards your mound. Your body was completely spread out on the table. The frigid metal caused you to shiver as Kylo got closer to your clit. He kissed your lips causing you to shiver again from his contact with your sensitive skin. He kissed your clit and worked his way down to your entrance, teasing it with his tongue. You moaned loudly and he shushed you quietly. 

"Remember when I got mad at that stormtrooper?"

You raised your head to meet his gaze and nodded. 

"Evidently the walls are very thin because he heard us all the way in the shower."

You laughed, "I bet that story made him very popular around the other troops."

"He's lucky I didn't kill him," Kylo muttered. 

You sat up and looked at him sternly. 

"Killing people is not always the answer, Kylo. Let them have their fun. Who are they hurting anyway? Not me, that's for sure."

Kylo nodded and you ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to your widespread legs. 

"Now make me cum or you will be hurting," you ordered. 

Kylo smiled, all too happy to fulfill your request. He wrapped his hands around your hips and pulled your clit into his mouth, sliding his tongue slowly across it. You sucked in a breath, pulling his hair tightly as electricity traveled through your body. He dug his fingers into your skin and continued his steady movements. Your breathing grew raggedy as you came closer to your climax. Kylo began sucking slowly on your clit and you muttered multiple cuss words under your breath. 

"Yes," you seethed between gasping breaths. "Don't stop," you begged. 

Kylo picked up the pace and within moment you reached your climax, euphoria shooting through your body. You came violently into Kylo's mouth as you bit back the screams begging to exit your own. Once your breathing finally returned to a normal pace, Kylo pulled away, smiling as he swallowed your cum. Your hands were still in his hair and you pulled his face into yours, kissing him fiercely. The taste of your cum was still on his lips. 

"I missed you so much," he whispered into your lips. He ran his hands over your figure before tracing lines on your back. "I missed every single bit of you."

"Even my attitude," you questioned in a teasing manner. 

"Especially your attitude."

You smiled as you ran your fingers through his hair but stopped as a thought came to your mind. 

"Don't get it fixed," you whispered. 

"My helmet? Why not?"

"Because you don't need it. You don't have to hide anymore."

Kylo nodded thoughtfully as he stood. 

"I have something for you," he replied evenly. 

"Oh?"

He held out his hand and you took it, following him into the bedroom. A garment bag lay on the bed and he picked it up and handed it to you. You unzipped the bag to find a pair of black leather pants, fitted tunic, and long cape similar to Kylo's. You took a deep breath looking between the outfit to Kylo and back again. 

"This is for me?"

He gave you a guarded nod and you could tell he was silently concerned you wouldn't like it. 

"You never cease to confuse me Kylo Ren," you smiled. 

You placed the garment bag back in the bed and then pulled on the leather pants. You pulled on the tunic and let Kylo attach the cape around your neck. You looked into Kylo's eyes, allowing him to take in your figure. You hadn't seen yourself but something about the way the clothing fit perfectly and how Kylo was looking at you made it feel right.

"The person I used to be, before all of this," you gestured around you. "I'm not her anymore. She's dead. And the person you were is also dead. Snoke is dead, your uncle is dead, your father is dead. Let your past die."

"Let's burn it," he whispered into your lips.


	41. Respect

In the next two weeks, your wounds healed completely. The only evidence of your encounter with Snoke were the pink scars that trailed down your arm and created a horizontal line under your ribs. Kylo's scar on his face had faded to a small line. You ran a finger down the streak as you watched him sleep peacefully. His eyelashes fluttered in time with his gentle snores and his face was set in deep lines of concern. It was morning but you were hesitant to wake him from his deep slumber. Instead, you lay your head on his chest, listening to the even beat of his heart. The warmth of his body made you snuggle closer as you hid from the chilly air that was normal for the Finalizer. You stayed in that position, closing your eyes and enjoying the moment until you felt his arms wrap around your waist. You turned your head to see his eyes were open and he was staring at you emotionlessly as his mind began to wake. His fingers moved up your back and onto your hair, combing through your knotty locks.

"Good morning," you whispered cheerfully. 

"It's definitely not morning," Kylo groaned. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble," you grinned.

"Who are you and what have you done to my angry wife?"

Kylo pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could get a better view of your face. 

"I don't know, somethings in the air today."

"What like love?"

Your eyes darkened, "no, death." 

You gave him an evil grin and he rolled his eyes. 

"So you think someone is going to die today and that notion is making you happy?"

"Yup," you confirmed. 

You wiggled out of his grip and got out of bed. You walked into the kitchen, searching for something to eat. A knock sounded at the door and you looked down, realizing you were wearing only a bra and underwear. You grabbed Kylo's cloak from where it was resting on one of the kitchen chairs and wrapped it around you. You stepped to the door and pressed the button allowing it to open. A masked soldier in black clothing appeared and you realized it was one of Kylo's knights. 

"This had better be important," you muttered. 

"I'm looking for the Supreme Leader, my lady," he replied. 

"You are looking at her," you retorted. 

The knight did a double-take. He raised his hands in front of his chest defensively. "I'm so sorry, without your normal attire I did not recognize you."

"And you really think I would let my husband cheat on me? Because that is what you are implying."

"No, of course not!"

"Leave him alone," Kylo called from another room. 

You rolled your eyes. "Come in," you instructed. 

The knight followed you into the kitchen. Kylo exited the bedroom wearing his normal attire minus his cape. He noticed it was wrapped around your body and smirked.

"I was looking for that," he held out his hand expectantly.

You glanced between him and the knight. "Turn around," you instructed the knight.

He obeyed your order and turned his back to you. You unwrapped the cloak from your body and handed it to Kylo. Kylo took in your figure with a hungry look in his eyes. He grabbed you by the waist and leaned into your neck.

"Maybe you shouldn't get dressed just yet," he whispered lowly into your ear.

Butterflies fluttered through your stomach but you shook them off with a small giggle.

"You wish," you teased. "Nothing is keeping me from the imminent killing spree I get to go on."

You pulled out of his grasp and walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind you. The knight spoke so lowly you couldn't tell what he was saying. You pulled on your leather pants and shirt quickly, hoping to catch some of the seemingly tense conversation. You grabbed your cloak and opened the door to the bedroom only to hear the door to your chambers hiss shut.

"What did he want?"

Kylo was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, gaze fixed on one of the metal chairs. You could tell he was deep in thought so you moved beside him, mimicking his posture and leaning your head into his shoulder. Kylo shook himself from his daze and turned to you.

"Corellia is rebelling against the First Order," he stated calmly.

You looked at him with a twinge of hopefulness in your eyes. "Killing spree?"

"Killing spree," he confirmed.

///

"I've been back on the Finalizer for five minutes and everything that could have gone wrong has? This is utterly ridiculous. You're all lucky I don't throw your worthless asses into the garbage chute!"

You and Kylo were greeted with Hux's cheery disposition as you marched onto the bridge. Hux had been traveling to the other Starkiller ships for routine check-ups in the last few weeks. 

"Hux I think you missed a few ships. Maybe you should come back in a week or two when you're a little less...angry," you suggested with fake sugary-sweetness.

"Always a pleasure, Supreme Leader," Hux responded sarcastically. "I'm sure you missed me," he teased.

"I thought Kylo was going to cry, he missed his best buddy so much," you grinned.

"Likewise, and may I just say, I'm loving the outfits. The similar capes really tie the whole look together."

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Sorry to interrupt you two best friends from catching up but we have important things to discuss." You gave Kylo a sarcastic pout but allowed him to continue.

"Hux I don't know if anyone has told you but Corellia is rebelling."

"No one told me," Hux replied crossly. "Why did no one tell me? You are all worthless pieces of shit," he yelled at the officers below.

"Anyway," Kylo continued with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "We will be taking an army to Corellia to try and subdue the revolting."

"Or we could just destroy it," Hux suggested. "It would send a message that those who choose to fight the First Order will meet a swift and sure end."

"Corellia brings in too much profit for us to destroy it," Kylo argued in an even tone.

"If we are unable to calm the rioters then we can consider destroying it," you chimed in.

"Very well," Hux agreed. "Have Phasma assemble her best troops. She can accompany you both to Corellia."

"I'll go find her," you offered.

Kylo nodded, "I will ready the transport."

Hux turned his attention back to the officers. "I don't pay you all to eavesdrop, do I? Get back to work!"

You figured this was a good time to exit so you and Kylo turned and strolled calmly off the bridge. You grabbed Kylo's hand before he turned the other direction.

"Twenty minutes?"

"Twenty minutes," he confirmed.

You watched as he walked away, admiring his long black hair. His steps were even and his stride let off an air of certainty. You shook yourself from your daze and turned to walk in the other direction. You finally found Phasma leading a group of stormtroopers down a long crowded hallway. She halted to acknowledge you and her troops mimicked her actions.

"Supreme Leader," she bowed her head reverently.

"Captain," you nodded. "I have been looking for you. We are in need of your services."

Phasma turned to the troops behind her. "You are dismissed," she instructed. She shifted back towards you. "How may I help?"

"The people of Corellia are rebelling against the First Order," you responded evenly. 

You turned to stand beside her and began walking in order to escape the crowded hallway.

"So why don't we just destroy the planet? Surely that is the best course of action."

"Kylo thinks their labor provides too much income for us," you replied.

"And is that what you think?"

You gave her a look of confusion. "Well, yes. Why wouldn't I?"

"Nevermind," Phasma hesitated. "It's none of my business."

"No, say what's on your mind, Phasma. I respect your opinion."

"I just," she gestured to your outfit. "I worry that you are becoming too much like him. I'm afraid that soon you won't have your own ideas and opinions anymore they will just be your husband's."

You walked in silence as your mind mulled over her statement. Had you been blindly following commands? 

"I will remember that for future reference," you decided aloud. "Thank you for your honesty."

She nodded. "I assume you want me to bring some of my most skilled troops to subdue the people of Corellia?" You nodded. "Very well, I can meet you in the hangar in ten minutes."

Phasma turned down a side hallway and you continued back towards the hangar. When you entered you noticed The Knights of Ren clustered around Kylo, hunched in a heated conversation. You approached quietly, hoping to eavesdrop on their discussion.

"I am not taking orders from a woman," one was arguing.

"Yes you will or you can taste the deadly end of my saber," Kylo snapped.

"Master Ren, I thought our job was to serve and protect you, not the Queen of a dead planet," another suggested calmly.

Ouch, you thought. 

"Watch your mouth," Kylo growled. "She is your Supreme Leader and you will treat her with the highest respect. If anyone cannot comprehend that they should speak now," he decided passionately.

The quiet that ensued after Kylo's speech was deadly and you laughed causing the knights to jump and turn quickly to face you.

"Supreme Leader," they all muttered in a rushed manner before bowing.

"Drop the act," you ordered. "I don't want fake respect from men I could easily best in combat. Why don't you all go find some better insults and come back later when you're properly prepared to defend your twisted views."

The knights scrambled away, muttering halfhearted apologies as they went on their way.

"It's always nice that when I think I'm finally getting at least an ounce of respect on this ship, someone shows up to disrespect me," you commented.

"They're just scared of you," Kylo responded evenly. "Everyone knows that the only person in the galaxy that is allowed to disrespect you is me." He moved closer to you, grazing his hand over your waist and down to your hip. "And I only ever disrespect you behind closed doors."

You heard a heard of boots marching into the hangar and turned to see Phasma and her troops approaching you and Kylo. You nodded to her and pivoted to walk up the ramp.

"I'm flying," you called back to Kylo who was entering the transport behind you.

"That sounds like a terrible idea," he responded. "I wasn't planning on dying today."

"That's rude, I'm an amazing pilot."

"You've never even flown by yourself," he retorted.

You sat in the pilot's seat and grinned. "It's too late I already sat down."

Kylo huffed in annoyance and you pressed the button to start the engines. Phasma's troops entered the transport and she gave you the all-clear for take-off. You fiddled with the controls and the ship rose slowly. You took the wheel and pushed forward sending the transport out of the hangar and into space. You set the hyperspeed for Corellia and sat back for the rest of the lengthy flight. 

"So what's so special about Corellia," you asked in a nonchalant manner.

"There's nothing special about it besides the fact that it provides a significant amount of profit for the First Order," Kylo replied defensively.

"I don't know it just seems like there may be another reason you don't want it to be destroyed..."

"There isn't," he replied curtly.

You raised your hands defensively. "Okay, okay. I was just saying."

"Well don't," he snapped.

You were both silent the rest of the awkward flight, not speaking until you left hyperspeed. You entered the atmosphere of Corellia and landed on the outskirts of the housing units that surrounded large factories in the center. Phasma and her troops were the first off but they waited until you were both off the ship before marching towards the makeshift village. You scanned the shabby town, looking for signs of rebellion but saw none so far. The path was completely desolate and you assumed everyone was in the factories or their homes. You were snapped out of your search for life when you heard Kylo mutter your name. He was pointing at a figure in the distance.

"Is that..."

As you grew closer you realized who the figure was and gasped.

"Hello, Your Majesty."


	42. Confuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: disorientation, reader commits graphic murder, explosion

Your mouth hung agape in shock. The familiar face of your trusted warrior stared back at you. 

"Lenna," you gasped.

You gripped Kylo's arm to steady yourself as you took in her changed state. The once skinny woman now stood with her weight on her heels, leaning back to support the size of her large stomach. She was very obviously pregnant and looked as if she could pop at any moment. 

Kylo was the one to break the awkward silence. "You never told me she was pregnant," he muttered.

You shifted your weight uncomfortably as you focused on keeping your thoughts clear. "It must have slipped my mind. We have been a little busy if you hadn't noticed."

"Wow, she's like really pregnant," he commented as he continued to stare at Lenna's stomach.

You wondered if Kylo had ever seen a pregnant woman before. "Yes, Kylo. That is in fact what happens before a woman has a child," you rolled your eyes before nudging him out of his daze.

"I know that," he retorted.

"So we aren't killing this one," Phasma interrupted your surprised state with her question.

"No!" You and Kylo both answered in unison.

"Well we need to keep moving," Phasma replied crossly.

"You all go ahead. I just need a second," you stared at Lenna, still in shock.

Phasma nodded and motioned for her troops to continue. As they marched away Kylo turned to face you grabbing your wrists and pulling you towards him. 

"What aren't you telling me," he whispered menacingly.

You took in a sharp breath of surprise at his aggressive move. You pasted a look of confusion over your face. "What do you mean?"

"You're thoughts are incredibly loud, except they aren't actual thoughts it's just white noise. It's like you're trying to shield your thoughts from me. What are you hiding?" 

His tone was demanding and his grip was cutting off the circulation to your wrists. You shuffled uncomfortably, trying to come up with a plausible response. You did your best to calm the raging storm in your brain, leaving it blank and quiet.

"I didn't know I was doing that, Kylo. I'm just so... shocked. Of all the things I anticipated happening today, this was not one of them."

"Umm I can come back later if I need to," Lenna interrupted awkwardly.

"No need," Kylo let go of your wrists, apparently satisfied with your answer. He went to stomp away but as he passed Lenna she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

"Don't think that because I'm pregnant I won't still kick your ass," she threatened him. "If you ever disrespect her again, I don't care where you run and hide, I will find you."

Kylo went to argue with her but bit back his retort when he saw her hand on the knife sheathed at her side. He nodded and marched away, moving quickly to catch up with Phasma. 

"It really is you," you exclaimed.

"In the flesh," she replied while smiling widely. 

"What are you doing on Corellia?"

"I never went back to Malachor, per your request. I stayed in Tattoine for a little bit and then got caught up in their slave trade. At that time I wasn't yet obviously pregnant so the First Order officials thought I would be more than fit to work here on Corellia. They were pretty unhappy when they found out I was pregnant but allowed me to stay and provided food for me."

"So this whole time you've been here, right in front of my nose?"

"Funny how things work out isn't it?"

"How much longer do you have?" You gestured to her stomach.

"A month."

"A month," you repeated. 

You had the sudden urge to leave everything behind; Kylo, the Finalizer, being Supreme Leader. The only thing you wanted was to be there when Lenna had this child and be present for its' life. You were snapped back into reality when Lenna asked a question that struck a nerve.

"Where's Isa?"

Your face fell into darkness and you stared down at your hands, unable to meet Lenna's eyes.

"She's gone," you whispered.

"Isa is dead? What? How?"

"I killed her," you replied while still staring at your hands.

"Why?" Lenna took a step backward as she said this and you noticed her posture grow guarded.

"I had to!" You raised your hands defensively. "She helped Adira kill my mother and then she tried to kill me!"

"You have changed so much since I saw you last," Lenna commented bitterly.

"I'm the same person I have always been," you argued.

"No, you aren't," Lenna decided. "Have you looked in a mirror recently? You've molded into what is needed from you. You're the perfect wife, the perfect leader, the perfect killing machine... But I don't need any of those things. We," she gestured toward her stomach, "don't need any of those things."

Your blood turned cold as walls built around you, protecting you from the idea of losing what you love.

"You need to get off of Corellia, Lenna," you responded evenly. "There are plans to destroy it. For the safety of you and the baby, please. I'm begging you to come back with me. Have the baby on the Finalizer. After that, you can leave with the child and never speak to me again if that is what you want."

"Where would I even go? Malachor is gone, you are gone, Isa and Adira are gone..."

"I know a place," you responded lowly. "You have to trust me."

Lenna thought in silence before giving a shaky answer. "Okay. But if I decide to leave, you have to let me. It's my decision."

You nodded your head in agreement, "of course."

"Is your husband going to be okay with your decision?"

"He doesn't have a choice. Now come on, we need to catch up to them."

You turned and began trekking towards the direction in which Kylo and Phasma had gone. Corellia was a rusty metal jungle that had the potential to be a beautiful planet of skyscrapers had it been kept in pristine condition. After the First Order had converted it into a manufacturing depot, there had been no need for upkeep and the once beautiful planet had fallen into ruin. You walked down a street that had been made of black cement but was now covered with a thick layer of red dirt. Despite being very pregnant, Lenna was able to keep up pretty well and you wasted no time closing the gap. As you neared the large rust-red factories you heard the sound of yelling and shots from blasters being fired. When the troops came into view, you saw them firing on an angry crowd of people in ratty clothing. You saw a few young children in the crowd and even a woman old enough to be a grandma. Despite their various ages, they were launching a counterattack with makeshift weapons made from standard factory parts. One of the factories was on fire and you could feel the heat from where you were standing which was at least a quarter-mile away. Smoke floated throughout the battle scene, skewing your view. You unclipped your saber from your belt and ignited both ends. Your eyes scanned the area in search of Kylo but between the smoke and the constant laser fire, you could not pinpoint his location. 

"Stay here," you ordered Lenna before running into the fog.

Smoke attacked your lungs and you wrapped your cape around your face to try and filter the toxins that were making you wheeze. A Corellian came running straight towards you at a blinding speed but was halted from his mission when a blaster found its target in the Corellians back. You turned to see the silver glint of Phasma's armor. She nodded in acknowledgment of you then turned and ran towards a group of people attacking her troops. You heard a loud explosion and realized the Corellians had bombs of some sort. The ground rumbled as another one was set off and you struggled to stay balanced. Your mind shifted into survival mode as your saber collided with a rebel, severing their head from their body. A wind began pushing more smoke into your path, making it harder to see. You swung your saber in circular motions, praying that the people meeting their ends per your saber were, in fact, the enemy. The wind blew even harder, picking up the dirt and flinging it into your face. Your eyes stung from the impact and you covered your face to prevent any more from hitting you.

"Dirt storm!" You heard someone yell.

You staggered towards what you thought was the outskirts of the storm but the wind was blowing so hard you were barely making any headway. A large gust pushed you over and you landed face-first into the ground. You pulled yourself into a sitting position. You uncovered your face to try and get a good look at your surroundings but nothing was discernible. It was becoming harder for you to breathe as the dirt caked your clothing. 

"Kylo," you yelled desperately into the wind. "Please help me!" 

The draft was too loud to hear anything. You began feeling lightheaded and your vision became blurry. You thought you heard your name being called but your foggy thoughts decided it was just your mind playing tricks on you. Your vision turned black as you fell to the ground. Your arm was outstretched and as your consciousness faded you felt your hand make contact with another's. You curled your fingers into theirs and fell into the darkness.

///

Air entered your lungs at a blinding speed as your eyes shot open. You gulped the oxygen in wheezing noises as your vision became accustomed to the dark lighting. You tried to rub your eyes but realized something was restraining your arms. You realized you were lying on a rusty metal table. Rope was tied in bracelets on your wrists and then connected under the table, preventing you from moving your arms at all. Your feet were also restrained in a similar fashion but you were too tired to resist. You turned your head to see a shadowy figure sitting in a chair in the corner. 

"Well look who finally woke up," the voice spoke. "Welcome back to the land of the living, Your Majesty. Or is it Supreme Leader now?"

"Where am I?"

The shadowy figure rose from their chair, revealing themself to you. Brown hair hung in loose waves, dangling just above their shoulders. They were wearing a loose-fitting tan t-shirt and denim that was fraying on the knees and at the ankles. Their face was still shrouded in darkness.

"Does that really matter?" Their voice was smooth with a hint of playfulness. "Just be grateful you're even alive."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm changing my question, then. Who are you?"

They stepped into the dim lighting, giving you a better view of their features. 

"Where are my manners? I am Katiya." 

Her body had an hourglass shape and her face was set in an oval. Her skin was a dark tan and she wore a deep red lipstick that complimented her skin tone nicely. Confidence radiated from her body in waves and you gulped nervously.

"Katiya," you fought to keep your voice steady. "That's umm a nice name I guess."

"Oh, flattery won't win you any points with me, Your Highness. I've already created an opinion about you and nothing you say is going to change that."

You raised an eyebrow. "And what is your opinion of me, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind at all! I think you're a heartless bitch who will do anything it takes to get what she wants."

Your mouth hung agape at her brutal honesty. 

"Don't get me wrong," she continued. "There's nothing wrong with that. If you had stopped there I would have supported you and your endeavors wholeheartedly. But oh no, little miss likes-to-fuck-everything-up just had to ally with the First Order. Not only that, you got married, something your people are sworn to never do. You signed your name on the dotted line and submitted to a man."

Your face grew red but you couldn't decide if it was from embarrassment or anger. 

"I had to do it! They were going to destroy Malachor!"

"Right, keep telling yourself that, Queen Ren."

"Don't call me that," you spat.

She chuckled. "What? Queen or Ren?"

"Both."

She smiled seductively and stepped towards the table, hands inches from your own.

"Aww, are Mr. and Mrs. Ren not as happily married as they seem?"

"I said don't call me that."

She raised her hands in mock surrender. 

"Okay okay. What should I call you?"

"The woman who is about to skewer you like a kabob."

You willed the force to give you strength and pulled your wrists away from your sides, snapping the rope in one quick motion. You shot up and grabbed the woman by her neck.

"Now tell me. Where am I?"

"In a secret bunker under the factories," Katiya wheezed.

"Where's my saber?"

"Locked away in our weapons cache."

"And my husband?"

"He and the pregnant lady are both in separate interrogation rooms on the other side of the bunker."

"You are going to take me to them and if you so much as try to get away, I will snap your neck before the word help can even leave your mouth. Do you understand?"

She nodded fearfully and you let go of her. 

"Now untie my legs and let's go," you ordered.

She nodded and undid the restraints on your ankles as quickly as she possibly could. You hopped off the table and let her lead you out of the door. You both hastened down the dark hallways and she turned down different paths that all looked the same. You turned right and rushed down the hall. As you passed a conjoining hall you froze when you sensed a presence. A hand shot out from the darkness and trapped Katiya, pulling her into a chokehold. Katiya gasped as she was lifted off the ground. When the assailant noticed you, they dropped Katiya and stepped out of the darkness.

"Are you ok?"

"Yea I'm okay, are you?"

"I'm fine. Who's she?"

"This is Katiya, she was taking me to find you. Get up," you nudged her with your foot.

Katya stood and brushed herself off. She took in the identity of her assailant then stepped towards you, leaning into your ear to whisper. 

"I changed my mind. I completely understand why you wanted to marry him."

Your lips parted in a smile as you took in Kylo's messy features.

"I promise it really wasn't my choice but I am happy it happened, just the same."

She sighed in despair. "They just don't make them like that anymore."

"It's not like you're going to live much longer anyway," you chuckled. "But nice try."

Kylo shifted uncomfortably. "In case you hadn't noticed, we don't really have time for small talk."

"Let's go," you responded. 

The three of you marched down the hallways until you came to a rusty door. Katiya unlocked it and you opened it to see Lenna sitting in a chair, picking at her fingers nervously.

"Your Majesty!" She rose from her seat. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Kylo retorted sarcastically.

Lenna, Katya, and you rolled your eyes in unison. 

"Did I ask?" Lenna stepped towards the door.

Kylo huffed and then moved back into the hallway. Katya led you towards a nicer looking door and unlocked it as well. The door opened to reveal numerous shelves of weapons. Sitting neatly in your direct eyesight were your and Kylo's sabers as well as Lenna's blade. You grabbed the weapons and handed them to their rightful owners. 

"Now get us out of here," you ordered Katiya.

She nodded and began leading you down the dark hallways. You entered into a circular room that contained only a ladder in the middle that disappeared into the ceiling. Two guards stood at each side but Kylo wasted no time in ending their lives. You turned to Katya and she smiled weakly.

"It's too bad you had to disrespect me like that, I would have liked to keep you around."

Your saber entered and exited her chest in a bright flash of light. She fell to the floor and you gave her no notice as you stepped over her body and towards the ladder.

"We need to go before more people show up to stop us," you instructed Lenna and Kylo. 

You grabbed the rungs if the ladder and began crawling your way towards the ceiling. Lenna followed behind you and Kylo took the rear. You reached the top and pushed at the ceiling tile which popped out to reveal the floor of the smoldering factory. You pulled yourself onto the ground and looked around to see a few people standing around. When they noticed you they began yelling and running towards you. You stepped forward to protect Lenna, who was struggling to exit the ladder and ignited your saber. Once Kylo had exited you began backing away from the crowd and towards the exit.

"There's too many of them," Kylo yelled. "Run!"

You turned away from the group of people and ran out of the factory and towards the outskirts. You heard something whizzing towards you and turned just in time to watch a grenade hit the ground yards away from you. You were a safe distance from the explosion but you watched in horror as Lenna ran past just as it went off.

"Lenna, no!"

But it was too late.


	43. Debate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: explosion, blood, arguing, yelling, smut

The explosion was small but powerful. The force from the blast sent Lenna flying. She landed head first on the ground and did not move from that position.

"Lenna!" You ran to her side. You grabbed her wrist and felt for a pulse. "No no no," you muttered. "Stay with me Lenna, please!" 

Tears rolled down your face as you shook her gently, trying desperately to wake her. Two large hands pulled you away from her.

"Let me go," you screamed. 

Kylo set you down and stepped towards Lenna. He knelt down, placing his hand on her head and closing his eyes. Suddenly, you saw Lenna's chest rise and fall in a deep breath. You sighed in relief as Kylo placed his arms under her still frail body and lifted her to his chest. He stood and you followed as he marched towards the outskirts of the city. The ruckus of yelling and grenades sounded behind you as you rushed towards the shuttle that had come into view. The lift lowered and Phasma waved to you in relief. 

"Start the engines," you yelled. 

She yelled for one of her troops to fulfill your order as you neared the ship. The engines roared to life as you stepped onto the shuttle. Kylo handed Lenna to Phasma as you closed the door to the ship and sat in the pilots seat. You pressed a button and the shuttle lifted off the ground. The shuttle rocked suddenly as something hard collided with it. Kylo stumbled into the copilot's seat. The lights flickered as the ship was attacked again.

"Fuck," you muttered as you pushed against the steering controls, sending the ship hurtling into the sky.

You pushed the lever to send the shuttle into hyperspeed but it would not budge.

"Dammit!" 

You fiddled with the lever frantically but it would not move. Kylo placed his hand on top of yours, assisting in your desperate attempts to make the lever work. With your combined force it finally moved, shooting the shuttle into hyperspace. You shot out of your seat, head colliding with the edge of the control panel. Your vision went black for a few seconds as you crumpled to the floor. 

"Ow," you whimpered.

Two stormtoopers rushed towards you as Kylo moved into your seat, taking control of the shuttle. The two men helped you up into a sitting position as you struggled to regain sight. Your head pounded violently and you rubbed your temple, gasping when you realized it was wet. You pulled your fingers off your head and examined them. They were covered in blood.

"I'm bleeding," you muttered woozily.

Your head polled and one of the stormtroopers rushed to catch your body before it hit the floor.

"You need to stay awake, Supreme Leader," one ordered.

You felt extremely tired. The pull to the peaceful darkness that sleep provided was intense.

"I'm just going to rest my eyes until we arrive, okay?"

The troopers did everything they could to keep you awake but as each minute passed, you slipped closer to a deep sleep. The back of your mind registered the shuttle's shaky landing. The two stormtroopers each took one of your arms, helping you stand. You placed your arms around their necks allowing them to support most of your weight as they led you off the hangar. Everything moved in slow motion as you struggled toward the medbay. The hallways moved in weird directions and you stumbled as you tried to regain your balance. You entered the medbay and remembered who you should really be worried about. You snapped out of your tired state as you searched for her.

"Lenna, where is Lenna?"

"She is being taken care of, Supreme Leader," one of the troopers responded. "You need to worry about yourself."

"No I need to see her," you stuttered. Neither of them responded and you grew frantic. "Take me to see her, that's an order from your Supreme Leader."

They nodded and began to follow through with your command when a deep voice stopped them in their tracks.

"No, take her to get her head checked out."

"But sir," one of the men started to argue.

"Do it," Kylo bellowed.

"No I need to be with Lenna," you insisted.

But the men were already leading you in the opposite direction. You tried to fight against their hold but you were growing more disoriented by the second. A doctor ushered you into a room and the stormtroopers lifted you onto the bed. You were furious.

"I am your Supreme Leader! What I say goes and I said I need to be with Lenna!"

The doctor ignored your yelling as she brought a wet towel to your face, attempting to wipe off some of the blood from your forehead. 

"Don't fucking touch me," you spat. "Take me to see Lenna or you will be given a slow and painful death," you threatened. 

She swallowed nervously and looked between you and the figure at the door. Kylo stepped out of the doorway and into the room, closing the space between you with long strides. He reached out towards your head but you ducked away.

"Don't even try it," you seethed. 

"It's for your own good," Kylo muttered as his hand came in contact with your head.

You were immediately consumed in darkness, eyes rolling into your head as your body collapsed onto the bed.

///

You woke as if you had just taken a small nap, not at all disoriented. You remembered the wound on your head and brought your hand to your forehead. A fresh bandage covered the gash and you could feel a few stitches underneath. You sat up slowly and realized you were alone in your room. You wore nothing but a standard medical gown. You panicked, afraid you were in another coma. You got out of bed and walked out of your room, into the lobby of the med bay. A nurse took a double take when she saw you.

"Supreme Leader, you need to get back in bed," she instructed carefully.

You sighed in relief when you realized you were not in a coma.

"I just want to see Lenna. Take me to see Lenna, please."

The nurse nodded and led you to another room with a closed door identical to your own. She opened the door and you stepped through to find Lenna, sleeping soundly on her back.

"She's in a coma," the nurse informed you quietly.

"And the baby?" 

Your heart rushed as your mind thought of all the possible outcomes of such a terrible accident.

"Stable, for now," she replied. "Now will you please go back to bed?"

"How about a compromise," you proposed. "I'll remain seated in that chair," you pointed to the metal chair in the corner. "For the entirety of the time I spend in this room."

She nodded in agreement. You were reminded of all your husband had done in the past twenty-four hours and grew mildly angry.

"Oh, and if Kylo Ren comes looking for me, tell him I am not here."

"But Supreme Leader..."

"That's an order," you interjected harshly.

She nodded and left quickly, shutting the door quickly behind her.

You stepped towards Lenna's still body taking your hand in your own.

"I need you to wake up. You can't die, ok? I can't lose anyone else."

There was no response but you hadn't expected one. You sighed and released her hand, trudging towards the chair in the corner. You sat down, watching Lenna carefully, ready to pounce on anyone who came through the door with harmful intentions for Lenna or the baby. You relaxed as you remembered that you were safe. You leaned your head against the wall growing more the second. You slipped back into a guarded sleep, thankful for the peace and quiet.

///

You awoke to the sound of yelling. You brushed your hair out of your face and sat up quickly. The deep voice of Kylo Ren was causing a commotion in the lobby of the med bay.

"If someone doesn't tell me where my wife is, you will all be dead faster than I can count to ten!"

You smirked as silence filled the room, no one was willing to give up your location.

Kylo grew angrier, "I know you know where she is. I can sense it. Tell me," he bellowed.

You heard the unmistakeable sound of someone choking and rose from your chair. You stepped towards the door, opening it with a quick push of a button.

"Let her go, Kylo. I'm right here."

The nurse fell to the floor with a thunk. Kylo stepped over her body without a second thought, walking towards you with angry steps.

"Why are you hiding from me?"

"Because I don't want to talk to you," you replied evenly.

You brushed past him and walked out of the med bay, heading towards your chambers to change clothes. You stepped through the doorway but were stopped from going any further when a hand grabbed your shoulder, forcing you to turn around.

"I don't care if you don't want to talk to me, you are going to anyway," he ordered.

Your hand moved faster than your brain, slapping Kylo across the face with a harsh sting. 

"That's for not even checking on me when I hit my head."

You backhanded his face angrily.

"And that's for ignoring my direct order to take me to see Lenna."

You slapped him once more with a hard ferocity.

"And that's just because I really hate you right now."

Kylo's hand touched his cheek where you had slapped him. 

"It was for your own good," he commented coldly.

You raised your hand to slap him again but he caught your hand before it hit his face.

"I don't care what you think is best for me," you seethed. "I know my limits and you do not."

Kylo's angry expression lightened. "Okay," he conceded evenly, letting go of your grip and walking into the kitchen.

You stared at the wall where he had just been in shock. You blinked twice before turning in his direction.

"Okay?"

You walked into the kitchen.

"Okay," Kylo repeated calmly.

"So you aren't going to fight?"

"No."

"Oh come on, Kylo. Give me something!"

Kylo grinned slyly. 

"If you want to have sex all you have to do is ask," he grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets nonchalantly.

You gulped. "That's not-" you stuttered.

Your face grew red as you became flustered. Kylo turned around and leaned against the counter lazily. He raised an eyebrow.

"Then what do you want? You were right, I should not have ignored your order. You win."

He was pushing all of your buttons and the smirk pulling at his lips told you he knew exactly what he was doing. You moved around the table, getting closer to him with each passing moment. You refused to let him win.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're the one who wants to have sex," you commented with a small grin.

"Me?" Kylo feigned a taken aback expression. "Not at all."

You thought back to the first time you had ever kissed Kylo.

"I seem to remember a similar instance where I proved you wrong. What makes you think you're right this time?"

Kylo put down the cup in his hands and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into him. You took in a breathe as your body collided into his, stomach twisting in excitement. 

"Just an intuition," he responded lowly. 

His lips grew closer to yours but stopped only centimeters away. You raised your eyebrows in confusion and Kylo gave you an evil smile.

"Did you really think I was going to let you win so easily? Especially after you had the audacity to slap me?"

You shivered nervously in his grasp and he gripped you tighter. 

"It's time you learned some respect," Kylo declared.

You laughed, "From you? You are the king of disrespecting people."

"Everyone except for you," he snapped. 

"What you did yesterday was disrespectful," you retorted.

"No, it was concern. Your head was bleeding, you couldn't walk without stumbling, and your words were barely understandable. I did what I thought needed to be done to keep you alive."

"I just wanted to know Lenna would be okay. I wasn't worried about myself."

"Why do you have to be so difficult all of the time. Just accept that we have a difference of opinions and move on. If we are ever in a situation like that again I will do as you say okay?"

"Don't call me difficult," you weren't ready to ease up on him.

"Shut up and kiss me," Kylo breathed.

You blinked in surprise to his upront response. "What?"

"I said, kiss me," he whispered an inch away from your lips.

Your anger melted as you pushed your body into his. Your lips connected in perfect unison. Warmth rushed over your body and you placed your hands on his back, pulling him as close as you could. Your kisses were slow and intense, as if you had never kissed before. You moaned into Kylo's mouth as electricity shot through your veins. Kylo pulled away from your lips and dove into your neck, kissing every inch of your skin. You lay your head back, eyes struggling to focus on the ceiling as pleasure rolled over you. Kylo took one of his hands of your back and traced it down your body, grabbing your pussy tightly. You sucked in a breathe through your teeth, trying your hardest to maintain your composure.

"Dammit, Kylo," you seethed. "I really hate you."

"No, you love me," he bit into your neck lightly.

You struggled to withhold the whimpers begging to leave your lips as you spoke.

"Yes, I do," you whispered breathily.

Kylo pulled away, a look of surprise on his face.

"What?"

"I love you," you stated calmly. "Now take off your clothes."

Kylo pulled off his shirt while maintaining deep eye contact with you. He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them to the floor. You reached down to the hem of your medical gown, pulling it over your head in one swift motion. Kylo reached towards your forehead, tenderly touching the bandage covering the stitches above your eyebrow. You placed a gentle hand on his cheek that was still pink from where you had hit him.

"I'm sorry I slapped you," you offered. 

"I deserved it," he responded indifferently. 

You stood on your toes so you could reach his face. You kissed his cheek gently before working your way back to his lips, kissing them feverishly. Kylo placed his hands on your hips, hoisting you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. Your hands cupped his face as you continued to kiss him deeply. Kylo carried you into the bedroom, laying you on the bed before crawling on top of you. You waisted no time telling him exactly what you wanted.

"I need you inside of me, right now," you half-begged half-ordered.

Kylo positioned himself over your entrance and sunk in immediately, tearing you open as he pushed himself inside of you. Kylo pulled out and then sunk back in. This time, you clenched around him as your stomach twisted in anticipation. He continued this slow rhythm and you thrust into him, trying desperately to gain more friction. Despite your best efforts he continued his pace, causing you to clench rapidly as you tried to push him further into you. Your fingernails were cutting crescents into his back and he kissed your lips harshly. You gripped him tightly as you neared your orgasm, pleasure shooting through your body like a drug. Kylo let out a moan as he came inside of you, continuing to pump slowly into you until your eyes rolled back into your head as your orgasm hit you like a bag of bricks. You came onto his dick, moaning uncontrollably. 

"Shit," you moaned as Kylo pulled out of you, falling into the bed beside you.

You both stayed in a shocked silence until Kylo finally spoke.

"Do you really mean it?"

Your brain was still foggy and you turned to look at him with a confused expression. 

"Do I mean what?"

He rolled away from you, and you sensed invisible walls rising around him.

"That you love me," he muttered almost too quietly to understand. 

You pushed yourself into his back, body molding into his.

"Of course I do," you replied calmly. "Now go to sleep."

Kylo was asleep within minutes and you held him tightly as you faded into darkness as well.


	44. Approach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: serious life-or-death decision

The sound of Kylo's voice woke you from your comfortable sleep. You realized he was shaking and you struggled to escape the grasp of your much-needed sleep. You rubbed your eyes and tried to nudge him out of his vivid dream. No matter how much you poked him, he remained asleep. You had never seen him like this. Sure, he had the occasional bad dream, but this was scary. His body twitched and convulsed rapidly as you tried to wake him without being caught in the crossfire.

"No, come back. Please! Come back!"

Kylo's desperate plea chilled your bones. You grasped his bicep and shook it violently.

"Kylo, wake up. It's not real, it's just a dream."

Kylo woke with a gasp, shooting up as if his soul had just been thrust back into his body. His chest inflated and deflated rapidly as he stared at the wall with a look of worry on his face. Sweat ran down his chest and his arms still shook slightly while supporting his upper body weight. You sat up and placed your hand on top of his, trying to comfort him.

"It's okay, you're safe," you reassured him calmly.

His breathing slowed and muscles relaxed as he finally regained full awareness. He looked at you, the concern on his face still evident. Even in the darkness, you could tell his eyes were a lighter shade of brown than normal. A warm hazel hue replaced the dark brown pits you had grown used to. 

"It... It seemed so real, I-" he blinked a few times as if trying to decide if he was still dreaming.

"What happened?" You turned your body to face him, squeezing his hand gently to indicate that you were, in fact, real.

"When the dream started I was standing in this large forest of red trees, I- I think it was Endor. I just stood there until I heard a noise. I turned to see what the noise was and it was a little girl. She was young, two maybe? She was very small and could barely walk but she was just casually using the force like it was no big deal. Making twigs float and throwing rocks an incredible distance..." He paused as if remembering the part of the dream that had been so devastating. "I was drawn to her, as if we had a connection, but..." He swallowed painfully. "Every time I tried to get close to her she ran away."

You listened intently, thinking if your dreams that had been eerily similar.

"What did she look like?"

"Her hair was black, just like mine but her nose..." he turned to face you, examining your features as a realization came to mind. "Her nose looked exactly like yours."

You plastered a confused look across your face. "I- I don't understand. She looked like us? That's not possible Kylo, you know I-" You broke eye contact with him as if it pained you too much to finish that sentence.

"I know," Kylo responded calmly. He blinked twice and his eyes returned to their usual dark brown. "It was probably just my mind playing tricks on me. Let's just go back to sleep."

You nodded and lay back down, burrowing your back into Kylo's chest. A few minutes later, Kylo's breathing fell into a deep cycle of sleep. You lay awake, thinking of every scenario in which the next month might play out. None of them were good.

///

"She has a concussion and some major head trauma that is keeping her in a coma."

You and Kylo stood in Lenna's room, listening to the doctor's update on Lenna.

"What about the baby?" 

You tried to stay calm despite your intense feelings of fear and worry.

"The baby is still stable but I worry if Lenna stays asleep much longer, it will compromise the infants health."

"Is there any way to wake her?"

You were surprised to hear Kylo participate in the issue at hand. He had never particularly cared for Lenna. The doctor paused as if deciding whether she wanted to say what was on her mind.

"I have no clue how the force works, but you could always try your mind trick thing on her. But with all due respect Supreme Leader, I don't know what state she would be in if you did that. She could wake up and have amnesia or she could end up brain dead." She tried her best to walk back her suggestion, deciding it was not in Lenna's best interest. "It's probably best we save that as the worst-case scenario."

"So what happens if she doesn't wake up soon?"

Even as the words left your mouth you knew you shouldn't have asked because you would not like the answer. The doctor gave you a look of pity as she delivered the scary truth.

"I'm afraid you may be forced to decide between Lenna or the baby."

You clenched your fists as you absorbed the news. Your mind raced in a mix of shock and fear as you tried to grasp the concept of having to make such a life-altering decision. The glass vial filtering fluids through Lenna's IV shattered, bringing you back to reality. Kylo's hand grazed over yours and you shook yourself out of your daze. You turned and marched out of the room as fast as you could. You stomped down hall after hall, not even sure of where you were going. You entered a room and without thinking, ignited your saber. You saw nothing but the blinding red of flame filled fury. You cut gashes into the walls and knocked over anything and everything you possibly could. You swung in a reckless motion, allowing your body to take over as rage consumed you. You were angry. Angry that everything that could go wrong in your life did go wrong. Angry that you were forced to lose everyone you loved. Angry that you had ever left Malachor in the first place. If you had just stayed on that god-forsaken planet, none of this would have happened. A sad realization stopped you in your tracks. If you had never left Malachor you would have never fallen in love with Kylo Ren. Was all of this pain and suffering worth it? You pressed the button on your saber, allowing it to extinguish itself. The room spun and the walls felt as if they were caving in. An intense wave of claustrophobia crashed into you. You stumbled out of the room, staggering down the hall as fast as your unbalanced body would take you. You felt as if the air had left your lungs and might never return. The halls of the Finalizer breathed toxic fumes into your body and you struggled towards the hanger, your only form of escape. You finally made it, trying your best to look composed as you searched for Kylo's shuttle. You spotted it behind another shuttle and hurried toward the ship. Your efforts to escape were halted when you saw who had beaten you to the spacecraft. 

"Kylo please, I have to get out of here I can't..." you wheezed, trying to encourage oxygen to enter your body.

"You can't run from this," he spoke your name evenly, mind completely set in this decision.

"I'm not running I just..."

"If I let you get on this shuttle you will never come back, we both know that."

"I- I can't lose anyone else Kylo. I can't do it." Your voice broke as the realization shattered your heart into a million pieces.

"You are much stronger than you realize. You will be okay."

You broke. "I'm so tired of everyone telling me that! Maybe I'm not! Maybe I won't be okay! Maybe I'll go insane and everyone will finally see who I truly am! I could make a choice and it could be the wrong choice and then I lose them both!"

Curious eyes had stopped their work to watch the argument playing out between you and Kylo. He noticed the intrusive glances and grabbed your wrist. He pulled you up the ramp of his shuttle and closed the door behind you. You pulled out of his grasp, backing away from him and crossing your arms in anger. Kylo shook his head in confusion, picking up where you had left off.

"I don't understand. Isn't the obvious answer to save Lenna?"

You let your arms fall to your side in exasperation.

"It's not that simple!"

"Why not?"

"It's just not!"

"Why?"

His voice grew louder to match your energy and you hesitated.

"What if," you whispered almost too quietly to understand. "What if I save Lenna and then she hates me for the rest of our lives? What if she wants me to save the baby instead of her?"

Silence filled the enclosed space. Kylo stared into your eyes as if the answer could be found in you. A single tear rolled down your face as you tried to make sense of everything that was happening.

"Maybe it won't come to that. She may still wake up without help."

You knew Kylo's words were too good to be true but you couldn't argue anymore. 

"Yeah, maybe she will," you replied unconvincingly. 

Kylo closed the space between you in one step. He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling your body into his chest. You fidgeted uncomfortably at first, not sure about his random display of affection. You eventually allowed the tension in your body to relax. You molded into him, laying your head on his chest and listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beating. You stood there, allowing yourself to forget for a few seconds as he held you tightly. You knew the future was a haze of uncertainty but you also knew that regardless of what happened, you would still have Kylo. And for this moment, that was enough. Your quiet embrace gave you a moment of clarity and you looked up into Kylo's eyes.

"I want you to try to wake Lenna up."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? She may not be the same person she was before," he cautioned.

"It's our only chance we have to try."

"I just don't want you to blame me if it doesn't work."

You stared into his eyes, calmly dismissing his doubt.

"Never."

///

"Are you sure about this?"

The doctor fidgeted nervously after learning the decision you and Kylo had come to.

"Do you really want to question your Supreme Leaders?" 

Kylo was quickly losing patience with this whole affair.

"No!" The doctor responded quickly. "No, sir," she corrected herself.

"Then let's get on with it." 

Kylo stepped towards the metal chair in the corner, pulling it to Lenna's bedside and sitting in it. You sat on the edge of Lenna's bed, squeezing her frail hand tightly in your own. Kylo placed one hand on top of yours and the other on Lenna's head.

"Close your eyes and imagine yourself inside Lenna's thoughts," Kylo instructed you.

You obeyed, closing your eyes and timing of what Lenna had probably felt right before the accident happened: fear. The ground seemed to shake as if you were being thrust through space at an intense speed. The white lighting disappeared and you opened your eyes to find yourself in a pure black expanse.


	45. Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: heartbreak, depressive themes, sad boi hours, panic attack

You were standing but you couldn't find the ground. Your eyes tried to adjust but there was nothing to see, just pure black spanning for miles. Your hand stayed firmly intertwined in Kylo's as you searched for Lenna. Suddenly, the darkness melted away and you stood on a planet of beautiful greenery. You spotted Lenna, hiding in the shadows of the forest as she watched the scene at hand play out. You and Kylo were hidden bystanders as you watched the deaths of the blue people who had defied the First Order. You watched as you and Kylo agreed to split up and you and your stormtroopers entered the woods. Lenna moved from her hiding spot and revealed herself to you. You watched as you gave her the vial, listening to the words you had convinced yourself were true, it is the only way. You knew you had to continue holding Kylo's hand in order to stay in Lenna's dreamscape but you refused to look at him, knowing that him finding out your darkest secret was now inevitable. The green world faded away and you saw yourself sitting in Mos Eisley's Cantina mouth agape as you learned her exciting news, I'm pregnant. You watched as your expressions shifted from happiness to worry as you gave her clear instructions, I don't want to know where you take it. You watched as the tan walls faded away and you were thrown into the rusty scape of Corellia. You saw yourself in a shocked state as you saw Lenna. You were so obviously nervous, the only thing saving you from being found out then and there was Kylo's apparent discomfort. Instead of continuing her dialogue with your dream self, Lenna turned to look you square in the eyes.

"Hello, Your Majesty," she stated calmly.

"Lenna, it's time to wake up," you encouraged her gently.

She nodded in agreement, stepping towards you and taking your hand. The second your fingers touched you were shot back into the real world, bright lights blinding you as you came to. You turned from your seated position to see the doctor staring at you both in concern. Leave you mouthed to her and she obeyed in an awkward manner. You watched as Lenna's eyes opened, smiling kindly to her as she blinked. She smiled back when her eyes finally focused, finding your friendly face. 

"You are on the Finalizer, Lenna. You are safe now."

"This whole time," Kylo's deep and cold voice snapped you and Lenna from your moment of relief. "I knew- I knew you were hiding something from me, but I convinced myself I was just overeacting. That I was crazy for having these dreams, hearing small whispers in the force, finding that page ripped out of the Sith texts. But I wasn't was I? The child Lenna is carrying, it's ours isn't it?"

"I- I'm so sorry Kylo, I had to do it! Please, let me explain."

He shook his head, standing up so quickly that the chair fell over hitting the floor with a jarring clang.

"I trusted you. I believed you were more than that arrogant girl I met on Malachor. I see now that I was wrong."

He stomped out of the room, door slamming shut behind him. Tears rolled down your face as you stared blankly at the door, watching as Kylo walked out of your life for what might be forever. You let out a small sob and Lenna squeezed your hand weekly.

"You did what you had to do," she spoke your name reassuringly.

"I know," you cried into your hands. "But was it worth the price?"

///

You woke with a jolt as the door opened with a hiss. You were sitting in the corner of Lenna's room, trying to catch up on sleep. A nurse walked in with a tray of food that was meant to be Lenna's dinner. She turned to give you a small bow of recognition before bringing the tray to Lenna. You stretched and stood, getting ready for what was the beginning of your day and the end of mostly everyone else's. The nurse jotted down Lenna's vitals and left the room as you pulled your heels onto your feet. 

"You could just talk to him," Lenna suggested halfheartedly.

You shook your head. "You and I both know he would rather swallow glass than see me. Maybe once the baby is born he will be able to accept what I did but I- I doubt it."

"He visits me, you know. When he thinks I'm asleep he'll stand in the doorway for a few hours as if he's guarding me from some invisible monster. Maybe he's coming to terms with it faster than you think."

You refused to get your hopes up. You knew in your heart that Lenna was just trying to make you feel better and there was no chance of Kylo forgiving you. And it definitely wouldn't occur so quickly. It had only been a week since he had learned the life-altering news.

"Sleep well, Lenna."

You turned to walk out the door but paused in the frame.

"if he visits again, I don't want to know. He deserves privacy, that's the least I can do for him."

You marched down the halls, observing as the day crew retired to their rooms and the night crew began their day. Your gut told you to turn instead of going straight and you obeyed. You stopped at the end of the hall, turning just in time to see the end of Kylo's robe swish down the direction you had just come from. Pain clawed at your heart at seeing even the tiniest piece of him. You spent most of your time blocking him from your mind, refusing to feel any emotions at all. But when they crashed over your carefully guarded walls, they hit like a tsunami, ripping your heart to shreds once again. It hurt to think of how much you had hurt him. It hurt to imagine a life without him. It hurt to even say his name. You placed your hand on the wall, trying to steady yourself as the heartache consumed you. The feeling would normally last a minute at the most before you were able to get it under control and return to your state of emptiness.

"Is everything okay, Supreme Leader?"

You turned to see one of The Knights of Ren. You mentally chastised yourself for never learning their names. 

"Yes, I'm fine. I just felt a little dizzy for a second but I'm okay now."

"Are you sure? I could escort you to the med bay if you would like."

You let out an awkward chuckle. "I'm surprised you're even talking to me. I figured you all would give me the silent treatment or something."

The Knight shook his head. "Master Ren hasn't told us anything. We don't really talk about his love life, we mostly speak of missions."

"Oh." You didn't know what else to say. Something as life-changing as a child seemed like a pertinent topic to bring up with your Knights.

"Well if you're sure you are okay, I'll be on my way," he broke the tension.

You blinked a few times, remembering why this conversation had started in the first place.

"Yes I am sure, I'm fine. Have a good night."

He nodded and continued down the hallway. You straightened out and continued towards the bridge. When you arrived you saw Hux waiting for you, foot tapping against the floor impatiently.

"Took you long enough," he muttered.

"Arrogance isn't a good color on you Hux. Would you like to find out if blood-red is?"

"No," he replied quickly. "No, Supreme Leader," he amended.

"What news do you have for me today? Well, tonight," you corrected yourself.

"We have multiple sources reporting rumors of an attack on our fleet. According to the reports it's supposed to occur in three weeks. Evidently the Resistance has somehow managed to obtain a large amount of starships."

"What suggestions have been made about this situation?" 

"A few of the generals think we should attack first and surprise them. Kylo Ren thinks we should wait. He wants proof of their plan before we continue."

"I agree."

Hux blinked in confusion, "you do? No argument, no backhanded comments? You're just going to agree with him?"

"Last time we heard of similar rumors, they turned out to be just that. Why should I believe this will turn out and differently?"

Hux's voice dropped in volume. "Okay, something is wrong. What is going on between the two of you?"

You shook your head. "I made a rather large mistake and now I have to deal with the consequences. It's none of your concern."

"I don't know what you did, but you can't stop arguing with him just because you feel guilty. You are the only one who can slap him around without getting in trouble," Hux whined.

You gave him a tiny smile. "I think you're just going to have to get over it."

"But," he protested.

"You're dismissed, Hux," you interjected calmly.

He rolled his eyes but bowed and walked off the bridge. You stepped toward the large window, staring into the vastness of space. You let your mind wander and seconds later, you realized you sensed him. It was as if Kylo was standing right next to you even though he actually wasn't. Somewhere on the Finalizer, Kylo was staring out a different window, and for some reason, you could sense each other in that moment. You acted as if you didn't notice, continuing to stare out the window. A tear pushed itself from your eye, but you wiped it away quickly, refusing to let yourself be any more vulnerable than you already were.

"Where is the missing page," Kylo broke the silence, voice cold and uncaring.

"I burned it."

You reached into your tunic, pulling out the piece of paper that had been resting against your chest.

"But I remember it."

You handed him the paper and he took it, unfolding it and reading, lips forming the words as he took it in. You could remember the words as if you had read them just yesterday.

Two entities will emerge one born in grey and the other in the light, both turned to darkness by betrayal. They will become equally strengthened by their bond, a fire like no other. And out of the ashes of their love a being more powerful than any other emerges, bringing peace or destruction to the galaxy.

"Why didn't you tell me? You could have just told me. We could have figured this out together."

"The spirits that lived in the cave, they told me not to. They said if you knew the galaxy would be doomed."

"And you believed them? You believed I would allow my child to carry so much pain that they would want to destroy the entire galaxy?" The pain in his eyes broke your heart for what seemed like the millionth time.

"I- I don't know what I was thinking, Kylo. Everything in my life was changing. I lost my mother, Adira betrayed me... I guess I thought you would eventually leave me too."

"I thought you trusted me. I have killed for you, I would have died for you!"

His voice broke as tears rolled down his face. You searched for the words to convey how badly you felt for hurting him but only three words came out.

"I'm so sorry."

"Sorry you did it or sorry you got caught?"

You were silent as you gathered your thoughts.

"I could tell you that if I could go back in time and change everything I would, but I can't. I can't change what I did, I can't change how badly I hurt you, and I can't change the predicament we are now in. I know you feel betrayed and confused but I have to know if you are going to stay. You can walk away from everything and I won't hold it against you but I will be right by Lenna's side when she has this child and you need to decide if you will be too."

Kylo was silent as he regained his composure, drying his face with his sleeve. Suddenly, the hairs on your arm stood straight up. You and Kylo turned at the same time. sensing the same thing.

"Something is wrong," you both said in unison.

The connection you and Kylo had been experiencing faded as you ran from the bridge.


	46. Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: intense near-death scene, worry, possible ED trigger (please tread carefully), insomnia

Something was indeed wrong. The med bay was a frenzy of doctors and nurses running in and out of Lenna's room. You and Kylo arrived at practically the same time, skidding to a stop in the entrance to the med bay, taking in the scene.

"We're losing her!" You heard someone yell from Lenna's room. "Someone find Mrs. Ren!" The voice instructed franticly.

A nurse rushed from the room, running aimlessly towards the exit, and colliding right into you. She looked up, realizing who she had run into and jumped away quickly.

"I am so sorry Supreme Leader," she babbled nervously but you waved her off.

"What's wrong? Is the baby okay? Is Lenna okay?"

The nurse shook her head. "Miss Lenna's body can no longer take the stress of carrying a child. The doctor is preparing to perform an emergency C Section so we don't lose them both."

You brushed past the nurse without another word, speeding towards the hospital room. Your mind was racing with emotions causing everything to feel a little bit foggy. You pushed past the crowd of nurses and doctors, trying to find Lenna in the sea of people.

"Unless you are absolutely necessary to the survival of this girl, get out!"

The deep booming voice of Kylo Ren sounded behind you and the excess people rushed out. You finally found Lenna, lying still on her hospital bed. You knelt by her side taking her hand in your own.

"Come on Lenna, stay alive. Please. I need you to live..."

Lenna's eyes fluttered sleepily but eventually opened. She gave you a sad smile, as if she had already accepted her fate. You could hear the time between beeps on the monitor growing further apart as Lenna's pulse grew slower and slower. You squeezed her hand tighter, mind growing even more frantic.

"Supreme Leader we have to take her into surgery right now."

His words didn't even register in your mind as your pleas for Lenna to live turned into hysterical blubbering.

"Mrs. Ren, please. You need to let go so I can save her life."

Lenna squeezed your hand tightly, weakly attempting to pull you closer.

"If it comes down to me or the baby, save the baby. Do you understand me?" Her voice was firm and unwavering."Choose the child and never regret it. This was a mission I willingly accepted and I'll be damned if I don't complete it."

She turned her attention to Kylo who stood at the foot of the bed, quiet as a church mouse. She and him exchanged an emotionless yet loaded nod before her eyes closed again.

"No no no don't leave Lenna," you cried, pulling her body closer to your own.

"Mrs. Ren," the doctor repeated nervously, scared to get on your bad side but also terrified to be responsible for the death of your friend.

"I can't leave her, not like this," your words slurred together as your brain entered full panic mode.

Two large hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you off of Lenna.

"No!" You screamed, doing everything you could to escape his grip. "Let me go! I swear to god if you don't put me down right now!

Lenna's bed was being wheeled through the doors of the surgery wing, and you tried kicking yourself out of Kylo's grasp. 

"No! I have to stay with her," you pleaded.

But Kylo held you tightly until the doors closed, locking with a click behind the team of surgeons. The second he let go of you, you ran towards the door. Your fist collided with the metal door as you begged them to let you in. You were growing increasingly tired from your outburst. Your guttural cries turned to sobs which turned to small whimpers and tiny hiccups. You sunk to the floor, pivoting your back to sit against the door as you stared wordlessly into space.

///

"How long does a damn C Section take?"

Your lazy trance broke as your eyes focused on Kylo, who had been pacing the entire time you had been waiting. You were sitting in one of the unforgiving metal chairs, knees pulled to your chin as you allowed yourself to dissociate entirely. It had only been an hour but every minute felt like it was its own tortuous hour that was spent in maddening silence. You had no idea how long C Section took but you were growing annoyed with Kylo's pacing, his nervousness radiating off his body and onto you. You raised your arm in a wide sweep, motioning to the waiting area that was full of empty chairs.

"Sit down, you're making me nervous."

"Well you should be nervous since you are the one who got us into this mess," Kylo snapped.

Your mind went blank. You had no retort, no comeback. You knew he was right but this wasn't a fight you could have right now. You buried your head in your legs, trying to block out all the thoughts eating away at your mind. You felt Kylo's presence as he sunk into the chair next to you. A moment was spent in silence before he finally spoke.

"What you said earlier... was right. You can't change what you did and I may never be able to truly forgive you. But this child needs both of us to be completely invested in her life."

You peeked up at him from your guarded stance. His eyes had turned back to that beautiful brown color, making him look like an oversized teddy bear.

"What does that mean?" Your voice was quiet and slightly nervous.

"It means that what you did was truly the dumbest decision in the entire galaxy. But I'm not going anywhere."

You where about to respond when the doors to the surgery wing whooshed open. You and Kylo rose at the same time, shoulders brushing as you stood quickly. The doctor pulled his mask off his face, smiling kindly before delivering the news.

"It's a girl," he exclaimed proudly.

You and Kylo glanced at each other, rolling your eyes as if to say no shit before turning back to face the doctor.

"The stress from Miss Lenna almost dying, twice, has weakened the infant severely. We have her on a ventilator and are giving her the best care possible."

Your heart left your chest and hit the floor with an imaginary thud.

"Is she going to make it," you whispered, almost too afraid to ask.

"From what I can see, this child is a fighter. I expect that she will but I also cannot make any promises."

Your heart returned to its rightful place in your chest as you breathed out the pent up anxiety you had been holding in.

"And Lenna?" Kylo's voice was deep and unreadable.

"Ah yes, that is the more complicated part. While we were performing the surgery, Lenna's heart began to fail. We discovered that one of her heart valves was in need of replacement and are performing an open heart surgery right now."

Questions ate away at you, too many to voice. Luckily, Kylo spole for you.

"What's the best-case scenario?"

"The surgery is successful and she is awake in as little as five to six hours."

"And the worst case?"

"We end up having to give her a heart transplant which could take up to a whole day or..."

He paused, glancing at your face which gave away how lightheaded you were.

"Or what?" Kylo prodded, not understanding the doctors pause.

"Or we never get that far and she dies on the table," he replied gravely.

The world felt like it was spinning. You struggled to keep yourself balanced but everything was blurring together.

"Are you okay Mrs. Ren?" 

The doctor's voice was fuzzy and distorted in your head. You nodded but then realized your feet were no longer attached to the floor. Had Kylo not been there to catch you, you would have landed on the ground in a not-so-graceful manner. He gently propped you up in one of the metal chairs, placing his hand on your forehead to get an idea of what was wrong with you. He pulled away, glaring at you in disappointment.

"She needs food," he instructed the doctor, who scurried away to fetch you something to eat. "When is the last time you ate?"

Your mind was a mix of fogginess and intense worry. You tried to find the answer to Kylo's question but shook your head when you could not.

"I don't remember," you replied.

He glared at you in annoyance. "I hate you."

You chuckled lightly, resting your head against the wall.

"I know," you smiled, a hint of sadness on your face.

Kylo opened his mouth to respond but was cut off when the doctor returned, carrying as much snack food as he possibly could. He laid them on an empty chair and gave you and Kylo a quick bow before rushing back into the surgery wing. Kylo plucked an energy bar from the pile and handed it to you.

"Eat," he ordered.

You rolled your eyes and sighed in annoyance but obeyed his command. You devoured the energy bar in mere seconds, realizing just how hungry you were. You found a bottle of water in the pile of food and took a few sips, noticing Kylo's tired face from the corner of your eye.

"You should go rest," you suggested. "If anything happens someone can come get you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Kylo declared.

You stared at the floor, trying to take in everything that had occurred in the last two hours.

"We have a child," you whispered quietly.

"A child," Kylo repeated, the shock slowly settling in. "I don't know how to raise a child. Should she stay on the Finalizer? Should we hide her? What do we tell-"

"Kylo," you interrupted him, taking his hand. You stared into his eyes which were full of confusion and something else. Something you hadn't seen in a while, fear. "Why don't we just worry about a name for now?"

Kylo nodded and you tried to think of good names. 

"How about Kira?"

He shook his head. "Seems like a wimpy name."

"The only name that is truly wimpy is Armitage," you grinned.

"That's it!" Kylo joked. "That's the perfect name."

You giggled as you stared off into space, trying to think of a non-wimpy name.

How about Aadya? Or Melisende? Those were past Malachorian Queens-"

You turned your head to face Kylo, who had fallen asleep. His arms were crossed and his chin was turned up, head resting against the wall. You decided to try and sleep as well, spreading yourself out on the chairs and laying your head in Kylo's lap. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to slip into the darkness you had been avoiding for so long.


	47. Hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: anger, arguing, fighting, choking, smut, gagging, orgasm denial, guilt

"If you are going to sleep, at least do it in your chambers where no one has to see you."

Hux's annoying voice woke you from your slumber. You opened your eyes to see him staring down at you, arms crossed and face set in a frown. You noticed that your positioning had changed from last night and you were now leaning against Kylo's chest, held in place by his large, muscular arms. Kylo was still asleep, or at least pretending to be, so you stayed as still as possible while acknowledging Hux from your awkward position. You fixed him with a deadly stare.

"I suggest you be quiet; if you wake him up he might kill you. What do you want?"

Hux ignored your angry comment, keeping his all-business attitude. 

"We have it on good authority that there are a team of rebels in Coruscant on a mission to weaken one of our allies. I recommend that we intercept and destroy them, weakening what is left of the Resistance."

You thought about the matter for a second before nodding. "Have Phasma send her best stormtroopers as soon as possible. The Resistance fighters won't stay long if they find out we know where they are."

Hux raised an eyebrow. "Will you not accompany them?"

You stared daggers at him. "I hope for your sake that your troops are capable of handling a few Resistance fighters. There should be no need for the Supreme Leader to accompany them on such a trivial pursuit."

Hux swallowed nervously and nodded furiously. "Of course, Supreme Leader. They are very well trained."

"I will hold you to it, then. You are dismissed."

Hux stomped out of the medbay. You pivoted your head to look up at Kylo who's eyes were still closed but the smirk forming at the corner of his mouth gave him away.

You sighed in exasperation. "You didn't want to help me?"

He opened his eyes and smirked down at you. "You seemed to be handling it quite well."

"Asshole."

Just then, the door to the surgery wing shot open, revealing the same surgeon from the night before. Kylo loosened his hold on you and you sat up quickly, straightening yourself out. The doctor smiled as he approached you..

"I have fantastic news! Ms. Lenna had a very successful surgery and the child made it through the night!" He beamed.

You breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we see her?"

"Ms. Lenna hasn't fully woken yet but I'm sure she would be more comfortable if you were at her side when she regained consciousness. We will wheel her back into her room shortly."

You nodded and thanked the doctor who smiled and gave a small bow before disappearing back into the surgery wing. You frowned as a thought came to mind and turned to look at Kylo.

"This feels so weird. I can't even remember the last time something went right for us."

Kylo shook his head, "Me neither."

///

"Absolutely not. You can't name that poor baby after an ancient dead queen." Lenna wrinkled her nose. "That's weird."

"Exactly, exactly," Kylo agreed.

You raised your hands defensively. "It was just a suggestion, jeez."

Lenna was propped up in bed, smiling tiredly at you.

A nurse entered to check Lenna's vitals.

"Speaking of the child, when will we be able to see her?" Kylo directed his question towards the nurse.

She straightened nervously. "The med bay was not designed for babies and she is currently attached to many chords and tubes that are keeping her alive. Until she is stable enough to be taken off life support you will not be able to see her." Her voice was mechanical, as if she had been practicing her speech in the mirror for many hours.

"And how long do you think that will be?" You crossed your arms and leaned against the wall.

"My guess would be a week, Supreme Leader." She paused and fidgetted as if trying to work up the courage to say something else.

"What? Spit it out," you ordered.

"I- umm think it would be best to let Ms. Lenna rest now. Her heart needs sleep in order to heal."

Your sunny temperment changed to annoyance in a second. You frowned at the nurse. 

"Fine. I need to get to work anyway."

You pushed off the wall and stomped out of the room, in a bad mood for no apparent reason. Everything was pissing you off today and you had no idea why. You stomped onto the bridge and glared at Hux. 

"Report," you ordered.

"Still no word, Supreme Leader," he replied.

"It's been two days and still nothing? Not a damn word? They should have been back now. If I knew your soldiers were going to be so incompetent I would have done it my fucking self."

"Goodness," Hux took a step back. "You're in a terrible mood today. What happened to you?"

Just then, Kylo stepped onto the bridge. Hux's eyes darted from you to Kylo, watching your body tense ever so slightly.

"Oh. Oh," Hux grinned. "Are someone's needs not being met?" He gave you a faux pouty lip and sympathetic eyes.

You frowned at him as the thought of snapping his neck entered your mind. 

"I'm fine," you answered coolly.

The red in your cheeks gave away that you were not fine. You had gone from being relatively active with Kylo to barely touching him, even in sleep. Evidently, you falling asleep on him in the waiting room hadn't changed his feelings about you. He had been distant, only speaking to you when you were both visiting Lenna. Your back ached from the position you had been sleeping in, body curled so close to the edge that if you fidgeted too much you would fall off.

"Whatever you say. Mrs. Ren," Hux teased.

You flinched. "I will not hesitate to remove your head from your body right here in front of all your officers, Hux."

"What did he do now?"

Kylo had made his way to where you and Hux were standing, hearing the last bit of your conversation. 

"Nothing." you and Hux replied in unison.

You pushed past Kylo without a word and practically ran off the bridge. 

"Out of the way!" You yelled at people who weren't in your way in the first place. 

You marched down the halls of the Finalizer, anger radiating off of you in intense waves that made passing officers shrink into the walls. You made your way to the training room, the intense urge to hit something overwhelming your senses. You knew you were being followed when you heard the sound of familiar footsteps behind you.

"If you test me I will throw you into a wall. Literally. I'm not in the mood to deal with any of this bullshit today."

"What's wrong?" 

"I'm just tired," you snapped.

His mood changed from sympathetic to irritated in the flash of an eye. "You're in a terrible mood." There was a fake sympathy to his tone. "Awww, do you have cramps?" 

Your arm shot out before you could even think straight, forcing the smartass into the wall. You turned to face Kylo who was smirking at you despite being thrown into a hard sheet of metal. 

"I told you not to test me," you reiterated, taking a step towards him. "And cramps? Was that really the best insult you could come up with?"

He grinned mischeviously. "You're so gullible."

You rolled your eyes and released your force-hold on him, turning to find something to throw or stab.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, we're not done talking."

You ignored his command but before you could take another step, Kylo was on you. His hand grapped the front of your neck, forcing your chin up. His other hand was on your stomach, pulling your body into his. 

You gasped in surprise as a pit of warmth grew in your stomach. "What the fuck Kylo?"

"Lose the attitude," he commanded.

You rolled your eyes, still angry. "Or what?"

Kylo's grip tightened around your throat, lips moving to your ear. "I would be careful if I were you. Unless you want to be choked?" 

Part of you was excited by the idea but it was silenced by the other half of you that was still angry. 

"No, I don't."

The pressure on your throat increased. "Don't lie to me," Kylo warned.

You escaped his grip in one swift motion, pulling your head to the left then slipping out of his grasp. You spun around and placed your hands on his chest, pushing him into the wall. You grabbed his wrists and forced his hands against the hard metal.

"I think you want to choke me."

He grinned, "oh no that's your fantasy not mine."

You let go of one of his wrists so that your hand could trace a pattern down his chest and onto his crotch. You applied pressure to the steadily growing bulge in his pants.

"You're sending me mixed signals, Ren." 

If Kylo was affected by you, he didn't let it show. 

"Since when were we on a last name basis?"

"Since you pissed me off," you retorted.

"I already told you once to lose the attitude, dont make me say it again," he glowered, voice even and icy.

You grinned. "I don't think you're in a position to be making threats right now." Your hand applied more pressure to Kylo's crotch, this time eliciting a small squirm from him.

Kylo's free hand pushed your chest back as he used his leg to make your knees buckle, forcing you to the ground. Your ass fell hard and your hands shot backwards to catch your fall. Kylo kneeled in front of you, thumb pulling your chin up to look at him.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?

You stared up at him, letting out a furious breath. "I'm going to fucking kill you."

Kylo ignored your comment. "Do you want to know what my fantasy is?"

You stared daggers at him, refusing to answer his question. Kylo grabbed your neck, forcing your head back so you were staring at the ceiling. He applied pressure to your jaw, causing your mouth to open slightly.

"Answer me," he commanded.

"Fine," you snarled. "What?"

"I'm going to make you beg," Kylo declared.

You let out a breathy laugh, "Ha! Good luck with that."

Kylo pressed his palms against your shoulders, causing your elbows to crumble. Your back hit the ground as he moved on top of you, pinning your arms to the floor. His head lowered towards your neck, finding an exposed patch of skin and attacking it angrily. Your back arched, meeting his chest as you hissed in pain. You pulled your legs to your chest and pushed them up. Your feet connected with Kylo's chest, forcing him back just enough for you to roll out from under him. You stood at the same time as Kylo, watching as he examined your fighting stance. You circled each other, both making plans of attack in your heads. Before you could complete your plan, Kylo lunged. You tried to move out of the way but Kylo was too quick for you. You hadn't even completely processed where he had grabbed you when Kylo's lips met yours in an angry kiss. His hands travelled from your waist to your hips, pulling you into him. You kissed him furiously, biting his bottom lip and dragging it out. Your hands moved up his chest, undoing his cape and letting it fall to the floor. You moved to his pants, untucking his undershirt and pushing your hands under it. Your hands travelled over his chest, passive aggresively trying to work his shirt over his head. He moaned into your mouth and grabbed your arms.

"Not here," he whispered lowly.

"Oh, come on," you whined.

Kylo pulled away, picking up his cape and placing it back around his neck. 

"Five minutes," he stated before disappearing out the door of the training room.

You frowned, angry that he had left you like that. You straightened yourself out then walked out the door, heading for your chambers. You made it in record time, entering into the kitchen and slumping into a chair. If it was at all possible, you felt angrier than before. How dare Kylo make you wait? You resolved that no matter how hard he may try to make you beg, at the end of the night he would be the one pleading for you to give him what he needed. It was not much longer that the door opened and Kylo entered.

"Took you long enough," you muttered.

"What did you say?" Kylo's gaze stared a hole into your skull but you refused to back down.

"I said, it took you long enough," you repeated rudely.

You were suddenly pulled out of your chair by an invisible force, neck brought into Kylo's hand like metal to a magnet.

"Watch your mouth."

Despite the position you were in, you felt extremely bold. "I would do that, but I can't actually see my mouth."

Kylo let go of your neck and you struggled to stay upright as your feet connected with the ground. Kylo ripped one of his gloves off and grabbed your chin. He squeezed your jaw open and stuffed the glove in your mouth.

"Do us both a favor," he growled, "and shut the fuck up."

The taste of leather invaded your senses and you tried desperately to spit the glove out, but Kylo's hand prevented you from succeeding.

"I'll remove the glove if you promise to be quiet."

You stared at him angrily, but stopped struggling against his hand.

"I'll take that as a yes," he smirked in satisfaction.

Kylo removed the glove from your mouth and allowed it to fall to the floor, removing his other glove and doing the same. Once his hands were free, Kylo pulled away so he could properly examine your body. He bit his lip as his eyes lingered on your body. His eyes finally met yours and you shivered when you saw the look he was giving you: determination. Kylo knew exactly what he wanted and he had decided he was willing to get it at any cost. You took a step back but he advanced towards you, forcing you backwards until your body connected with the wall. You were trapped. Kylo grabbed your hands and forced them into the wall, intertwining his fingers with yours. He gave you a triumphant grin as if to say 'I win' before pushing his body into yours and kissing you with a feverish need. You tried to control your reaction but accidentally moaned into his mouth. Kylo let go of one of your hands so he could trace his fingers down your body and onto your hips. He kept his hand there, rubbing your ass in time with his kisses. You took advantage of having a free hand, pushing it against his chest and travelling down to the waistband of his pants. You pushed past the waistband and into his pants, fisting his hard member. Kylo groaned and pushed his body further into yours, fingers digging into your ass. You ran your fingers down his shaft, pulling back to tease the tip until he squirmed against you. You found your oppurtunity in his moment of weakness, using the force to help push him around so he was against the wall instead of you. Before he could protest, you began sliding your hands up and down his dick, freezing him in his position. You watched Kylo's determined face come undone as your hands worked their magic, bringing him dangerously close to the edge. Your voice was as smooth as honey while you coerced him into giving in to you.

"This isn't how you want to cum is it? Not like this..."

Kylo shook his head in a no while trying to control his breathing. You let go of him, eliciting a small gasp from his mouth. You wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him off the wall and turning him so his back was to the door of the bedroom. You began kissing him again, pushing him backwards in slow steps until his legs finally hit the edge of the bed. He swung his legs over the mattress one at a time so that he was supported by his knees, allowing you to be taller than him. Your body filled with the warmth of excitement as your hands made contact with his shoulder blades, pushing him down into the bed. You crawled on top of him, snaking your fingers into his and pushing his arms above his head. You kissed him deeply then let go of his hands so that you could undo his cape. You began pushing his tunic up his chest, trying to get it off his head.

"Why do you wear so many damn layers," you muttered as you finally got his tunic over his head.

"To aggravate you," he teased.

"Ha ha you're so funny," you glowered as you forced his undershirt off his chest. 

You glared at his chest hungrily, barely able to control yourself as your lips neared his neck. You bit at the spot just above his collarbone. Kylo grunted and grabbed onto your waist, digging his fingers into you. You nipped over his collarbones and onto his chest as he began pushing the waist band of your pants over your ass. Once Kylo couldn't reach any further you pulled them off completely before returning to your handiwork on his chest. Kylo began tracing lines up your bare legs and you shivered as butterflies flew around your stomach. You pulled away and sat on his chest, removing the layers of clothing that covered the upper half of your body. When all that was left was your bra, Kylo grabbed your waist and pulled you into him, undoing your bra as he thrust his tongue into your mouth. You subconsciously began grinding into him, trying to aleviate the need building between your legs. Kylo pulled your bra off your body and began kneading at your breasts, but you pulled away.

"Not yet," you whispered.

You lowered your lips onto his chest, kissing your way down and allowing your tongue to trail patterns into his skin. Kylo's breathing became increasingly erratic as you neared the waistband of his pants. You hooked two fingers into the sides of the waistband and pulled his pants down at a snail-like pace. You kissed every bit of new skin that appeared to you, working your way down the inside of his thighs and watching as his member became fully erect.

You tsked at him "Look at how needy I make you. Tell me what you want me to do to you."

When Kylo didn't answer you placed your mouth over his dick, tracing a line up his shaft. You could tell Kylo was repressing the noises threatening to escape his mouth.

"Use your words. Tell me what you want."

You circled your tongue over the tip causing Kylo to squirm.

"Say it," you ordered.

"You," he gasped.

"Speak up." You traced a line down the v of his leg.

Kylo met your eyes with a dangerous intensity.

"I want you."

You gave him an evil smile as your lips parted to take in his dick. You began licking at the tip and then inching him further back in your mouth. You forced yourself to take him completely, swallowing hard around the massive size of his dick. Kylo groaned, arching his back and grabbing the sheets for stability. You began sucking dutifully, tracing patterns across his chest and thighs and watching as he lost all control. He closed his eyes and gripped the sheets even tighter. You knew he was close and so you pulled out, kneading his dick with your hands so you could provoke him.

"Do you want to cum?"

Kylo nodded furiously as he tried to stay grounded.

"Then ask nicely," you ordered him.

Kylo didn't answer at first but when you reduced your grip on him to teasing strokes, all hell broke loose. 

"Please," Kylo begged between deep breaths. "Please let me cum."

You were more than satisfied with his response and it wasn't long after your mouth had resumed sucking him when he completely fucking lost it. Kylo moaned as he came into your mouth, twitching violently as his knuckles turned white from gripping the sheets so tightly. You continued sucking until his hands relaxed. You swallowed his cum then climbed his body to kiss him deeply, making him taste himself. Kylo grabbed your waste and pulled your chest towards him, grabbing your breasts and abusing them with his firm hands.

"Oh no," you batted his arms away. "You have to ask permission if you want to touch me."

Kylo glared at you angrily so you gave him an evil smile, pulling away so you were sitting on his stomach. You made sure your lower half was in perfect view of Kylo before curling a finger around the sides of your panties and pulling them down slowly. You watched as Kylo's lips parted in anticipation as you wiggle the lace underwear off your body. You spread your legs so Kylo could see perfectly before dipping a finger into your folds and beginning to batter your clit. You arched your neck back, staring at the ceiling as electricity shot through your body. You felt Kylo squirm underneath you and could sense his frustration at having to watch you when he wanted so badly to fuck you into a coma. Before you could stop him, Kylo used the force to pull you towards him, ripping your hand from your clit in the process. Kylo grabbed your hips and pulled you onto his face. You were about to resist but Kylo was quick in taking your clit into his mouth, rendering you speechless. Kylo swirled his tongue in a steady rhythm around your clit and you grabbed his arms to steady yourself. You decided to allow his hands to travel up your body, bringing them up to rest on your breasts while you continued to hold on for dear life. Between Kylo's harrasment of your breasts and his slow, circular strokes on your clit, you felt yourself nearing the edge. 

"Yes, keep going," you moaned. 

Kylo took your words as encouragement and eagerly continued his pace, flicking at your nipples to increase stimulation. You let out a low moan as you came into his mouth, hands gripping his which were still clutching your breasts. Kylo continued sucking until you couldnt take it any more. You pulled away and collapsed onto his chest. You stroked Kylo's hair and muttered sweet nothings into his ear, telling him how good he had been. He ran his hand over your backbone, causing shivers to travel up your spine. 

"Ahhh quit that," you muttered as goosebumps formed on your body.

Kylo chuckled and moved down to your waist, running his fingers softly over your skin. You squirmed and tried to escape but he held you in place as he continued to torture you in the most sinister way possible.

"Kylo I swear if you don't sto-"

You convulsed into a ball as Kylo tickled your waistline, trying to hold back a squeal. You unravelled yourself and grabbed his arms, pinning them above his head. Before you could even open your mouth, you were on your back. You blinked, trying to figure out how Kylo had gotten on top of you so quickly. He looked down at you, examining every inch of your body.

"Damn," he whispered, making your stomach do a complete summersault.

Kylo bit his lip and stared into your eyes, wordlessly asking the question that you were more than eager to answer. Your gaze was filled with lust as you gave a tiny nod, telling him everything he needed to know. Kylo leaned into your lips, kissing you feverishly as his tongue worked its way into your mouth. Your hands grabbed his jaw, pulling him further into you. Electricity shot through your body and you moaned into Kylo's mouth, hands moving to tangle themsleves in his soft hair. Kylo's hands traveled down your naked body, finding your clit and stroking it softly. You gasped and your back arched as a shock travelled through your body. You felt a pit of need entering your stomach and you gripped Kylo's hair, twisting it into knots. Kylo broke your kiss, positioning himself over your opening and watching your facial expressions as he sunk in. Your eyes shot to the back of your head as you were filled to the brim. Kylo wasted no time in setting a steady pace. He pounded into you, using all the anger from before as fuel. You tried your best to maintain eye contact but then Kylo began pumping into so hard that he hit your cervix. You squealed in reaction then wrapped your legs around his waist. Kylo continued his savage pace and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your hands found his back, fingernails scratching him as you tried to hold on. The noises coming from your mouth were completely incoherant and animalistic. You moaned Kylo's name and he groaned as he came, pumping every last drop into you. Your eyes closed and back arched as you lost your grip on reality. You came violently around his dick, euphoria hitting you like an Imperial Fighter. Kylo continued driving into you until your orgasm ended. He pulled out of you and fell to the side, back hitting the mattress so hard it bounced a little bit. 

You both stared at the ceiling in a daze, completely silent. After a little more than five minutes, Kylo turned to you, a look of concern in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" You raised an eyebrow at him.

"The past few days I've had this nagging feeling and I have no clue why but... you know what? Forget it. I'm probably just crazy or something."

Your heart dropped out of your body and into space. You knew that Kylo second guessing himself was completely your doing. A tear fell onto your face as you reached out and cradled his chin in your hand. 

"You aren't crazy, Kylo. Whatever you are feeling is real." 

Tears were entering your eyes faster than you could stop them. They spilled onto your face and you tried to control your breathing.

"I'm so sorry Kylo... I- I never should have lied to you or made you feel like you were going insane. I don't deserve to be forgiven and I don't expect you to but please know how sorry I am."

Kylo shushed you gently and sat up in bed, pulling you up with him. He pulled you close to his chest and lifted you out of bed, carrying you into the bathroom. Kylo started the water of the shower and once it was at a good temperature, placed you inside. He washed you with gentle strokes and you stared blankly into space. A small thought tugged at you. Kylo and you could keep ignoring the messy details of your relationship but there was something you could not ignore. Something was coming, and very soon.


	48. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic death scenes, depressive themes. Please don't read this chapter if you are mentally unstable, prone to aggressive thoughts/actions, and/or suicidal.

If you had known Hux was going to be so annoying, you would have stayed in bed. Sadly, there was no way to escape his pointless droning on procedure and protocol so you just stood there, waiting as patiently as you possibly could. You were this close to squeezing Hux's insides like a rag doll when Phasma walked onto the bridge.

"Oh, Phasma, you are back! Very good, we were starting to get worried."

You interrupted Hux's train of thought. "What happened, Captain?"

She saluted you. "I am afraid our mission was unsuccessful. My troops and I were pursuing the resistance fighters when we got separated. By the time I found him the rebels had gotten away, leaving my men very disgruntled."

You glared at Hux and he rolled his eyes. "Yes I know, I know. You can go ahead and say you told me so."

You huffed, "Well I did. But it's too late for that now. I'm going to find Kylo to inform him of your failures." You gestured between the two of them. "I hold you both equally accountable for this catastrophe."

They nodded solemnly and you turned on your heel, stomping off of the bridge. You wandered the ship, trying to find Kylo but had so far been unsuccessful. You turned a corner and practically jumped out of your skin when he appeared in front of you. 

"Holy shit!" You grabbed his arm to steady yourself. "You scared me! I've been looking for you everywhere." 

Kylo raises an eyebrow, trying to read your expression. "What's wrong?"

You shook your head and let go of his arm. "Oh no, it's nothing urgent, Phasma returned and I figured it would be best for me to deliver the news considering how disappointing it is." You paused, regaining your cold resolve from earlier. "Phasma and her troops completely and utterly failed. Captain Phasma claims that in the ruckus of trying to apprehend the rebels, her and her squadron were separated and by the time she reconnected with them the Resistance spies had already gotten away."

Kylo's hand shot out and the side of his fist connected with the metal wall, creating a small dent. 

"Dammit! We had them right in our grasp and yet they still managed to get away." 

You waited for his fit of rage to reside before responding. "So what do you want to do about it? Is there even anything we can do?"

"I am going to send my knights to investigate where the rebels were hiding. At least I know my men are capable of doing their damn jobs."

You nodded and stared at him silently, a thought coming to your mind. "You know, we've never really talked about your knights. Or is that a secret or something?"

Kylo's nostrils flared slightly. "I don't think you're the best person to be criticizing what I keep a secret. I seem to remember you having plenty of secrets yourself."

Ouch. So you were back to fighting? Good to know sex meant nothing to Kylo. 

Kylo noticed your dejected look and rolled his eyes. "Come with me."

You followed him down the halls of the Finalizer until Kylo stopped in front of a room and pressed the keypad to open it. A large living-room appeared before you. There were several couches and chair and in the back there was a small kitchenette. Sitting casually on the couches were six men. Their helmets and weapons lay on the floor, save for the one man who was cleaning his. The second they saw Kylo they rose from their seats and bowed to him. Kylo waved his hand, disregarding the formalities. 

"Master Ren," the one who had been cleaning his weapon spoke. "How may we be of service?"

"It seems," Kylo began, "that Hux has failed us. Again."

"Oh good, do we finally get to kill the smug son of a bitch?" Another one of the knights asked. 

"Language!" A third responded. "Can't you see there's a lady in the room?"

"Oh no, I think she cusses more than all of you combined," Kylo gestured to you and his knights smirked. 

You gave him a glare but kept silent, still upset about what he had said earlier. Kylo redirected his attention to the knights. 

"Sadly, you cannot kill Hux, but you can try to go kill the Resistance spies he allowed to escape."

"Right away, Master Ren," the one who had been cleaning his weapon spoke again. 

"Then I will leave you to it."

Kylo turned and walked out the door and you turned to follow, trudging down the hallway behind him. You honestly didn't see the point of going with him to talk to his knights. It wasn't like he had told you anything. You grew tired of the awkward silence and his fast paces. 

"Okay well I'm going to head back..."

Kylo turned around to glare at you. 

"I'm tired of the pity party. Now shut up and come on." 

He grabbed your hand firmly, pulling you along. You looked at him in confusion when you realized where you were. Kylo pulled you into the med bay, walking down the hall until he got to Lenna's room. He pushed the keypad and the door opened revealing Lenna who was holding a small bundle. Your free hand shot to your mouth as you gasped in surprise. Your breathing ceased as you realized what she was holding. Kylo let go of your hand so he could place his arm around your back, gently ushering you forward. You were speechless. You didn't know what to say, you didn't know what to do. Your brain was going into panic mode. You were terrified. But the second you saw the baby's face, your fear melted away, leaving a sense of awe. The baby was tiny, body barely the size of your hand. Despite her fragility, the child already had a head full of peach-fuzzy hair that was pure black. A tear slipped out of your eye and fell down your cheek. Lenna motioned you to pull closer and so you obeyed, shaking hesitantly when she offered you the infant. 

"It's okay," Lenna spoke your name softly. "You're not going to drop her, I promise."

You allowed Lenna to place the child in your arms and you cradled it gently. The baby was sleeping peacefully, fists clenching as she dreamed.

"She's so beautiful," you breathed in awe. 

You glanced at Kylo, who's expression had softened. His eyes had returned to that lovely brown you only saw every once in a while. 

"She has your hair," you smiled. 

"And she has your nose," he replied, expression becoming distant as he seemed to recall a memory. "That dream I had of her, I must have been seeing the future..." He paused as a confused expression covered his face. "But that doesn't make sense. Why would she be on Endor? And why couldn't I get close to her?"

"Maybe we decided that was the best place for her to grow up? Maybe the only futuristic part of the dream was her?"

"I don't know- it's just weird. Normally my dreams make sense."

You didn't know what else to say about the subject. To you it seemed that there was an obvious answer but it was too somber an idea to voice aloud. 

"Do you want to hold her?"

Kylo looked at you, then down at the baby, then back up again, eyes conveying how nervous he was. You stepped closer, using one arm to hold the baby and the other hand to pull Kylo's into the proper position. You placed the baby in his arms, gently stroking her head as Kylo adjusted to support her body. 

"She's so tiny," he whispered, observing how her body was barely the size of his hand. "Is she supposed to be this small? She's like microscopic I don't think that's okay..."

You chuckled. "Yes she's supposed to be that small. They do grow, you know."

"Yes I know," Kylo retorted. 

The baby flailed her arms, hand wrapping around Kylo's finger as she opened her eyes. Kylo sucked in a breath when she stared into his eyes, a look of wonder on her face. Kylo pulled her closer to his chest and she grasped onto his tunic, falling back to sleep almost immediately.

"I think she likes you," Lenna smiled. 

"I-" Kylo turned to look at you, a frantic look clouding his eyes. "We need to talk..."

You raised an eyebrow at him but nodded in agreement. Kylo handed the baby back to Lenna and hurried from the room. You gave Lenna a quick shrug before turning to run after him. Kylo finally stopped in a narrow hallway, looking both ways to make sure there were no prying eyes or ears in proximity. 

"We have to leave."

You blinked in confusion. "What?"

His breathing was rushed and his hands were shaking slightly, obviously distressed. "We have to leave. This is no place for that baby to grow up. She deserves the galaxy not this metal box." He gestured hurriedly around him. 

You were shocked at his suggestion. "Kylo are you sure? How would we even get away? We have a duty to the First Order!"

"I- I don't know. But that dream I had of her on Endor, there has to be a reason we decided to leave and maybe this is it."

"It's not like I'm opposed Kylo, but let's think about it a little bit. This isn't the type of decision we should make rashly."

You pulled his hands into your own, trying to stop him from shaking. Kylo exhaled a breath and nodded. 

"Okay."

Just then a squadron of stormtroopers ran down the hall. You pulled Kylo against the wall to get out of their way. 

"What's going on?" You yelled at them as they ran down the hall. 

"We've been compromised!" Someone yelled. 

"The Resistance is here!" Another yelled. 

"It was an Ambush!"

Your mind shot back to what Phasma had said about her troops getting separated from her. It was almost too brilliant. You and Kylo turned to look at each other, sharing a look of concern before running in the direction the troopers had run from. You hurried to the bridge but by the time you arrived, it was too late. The bodies of officers, stormtroopers, and one rebel lay strewn on the floor. Most of the computers were completely destroyed and the shields had been disabled. You ran towards the red button on the wall, hitting it and causing the ships alarm system to start. A siren began blaring and red warning lights flashed along the walls. You looked around the wreckage of the room until a specific body caught your eye. Your heart sank to the floor as you realized it was Hux. 

"What the fuck."

"We have to get off this ship," Kylo warned you. 

You both rushed off the bridge, running back toward the med bay. The ship was in a frenzy. Officers and troopers alike pushed past you, giving no thought to formalities. You rushed into Lenna's room, finding her frantically trying to unhook herself from the various chords she was attached to. You rushed to help her and Kylo turned to the baby, who was sleeping soundly in it's crib. He scooped her up into his arms, hiding her against his chest. You finally freed Lenna, grabbing her bag of things and pulling her along. You ran down the halls towards the escape pods, frantically searching for any attackers that may come your way. You made it all the way to the escape pods before you were halted. You had taken the baby from Kylo and were ushering Lenna into the pod when you heard unrecognizable voices behind you. You turned to see two women wearing the Resistance insignia approaching you. 

"Ben, is that you?"

Kylo flinched at the sound of his name, turning to see the two rebels. His face crinkled in recognition. 

"Please," he raised his hands in surrender. "I don't want to hurt you. Let them go," he gestured to you, Lenna, and the baby. "They're innocent."

Both girls were young. One had brown hair and the other black. The brown haired girl stiffened, face turning to stone. 

"No one who is with you is innocent."

"And don't even try with that one," the black haired girl pointed to you. "We know what she's done." 

The brown haired rebel turned her attention to the baby in your arms. She raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh no. It's yours isn't it? What, you thought you hadn't created enough destruction yourself so you created a mini killing machine to complete your work? Hell no." She raised her weapon, aiming it at the child. "This is for Han Solo," she fired before you could react. One second you saw the laser beam travelling toward you and the next it disappeared. Your vision was blocked as a black mass jumped into your path, intercepting the blast. Kylo fell to the floor with a groan and your vision went red. A scream of fury left your mouth as you channeled every bit of rage and hatred at this girl, watching as her face contorted and she cried tears of blood. The black haired girl gasped and pulled her away. They disappeared around the corner but you knew the woman wouldn't last much longer, she had lost too much blood. Your legs gave out and you crumpled to the floor.

"Come on we have to go!"

Lenna tried to help you up but you shook your head. You kissed your child on the head and handed her to Lenna. 

"Hurry. You have to leave now. Go to Endor, I think that's where Leia has been hiding."

"No. I'm not leaving without you." 

You smiled kindly at her, feeling yourself grow weaker by the second. 

"I'm not making it out of this one Lenna."

"Go," Kylo croaked, struggling to turn to see Lenna. "Save her, Lenna. Please. Help her right our wrongs. She has the potential to save the galaxy but only if she is safe."

Lenna nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. She moved to the escape pod, placing her things inside. She turned back to look at you, bowing deeply. 

"It's been a pleasure to serve at your side, Your Majesty."

"If you teach my daughter only one thing Lenna, please let it be your loyalty. I am certain if she knows that one thing she will be okay." 

Lenna nodded and turned into the escape pod, door closing behind her. You watched as the pod was ejected into space, taking her far away from this mess. You turned to Kylo, who's breathing was rugged and forced. You leaned your back against the wall, helping him move so his head was in your lap. Kylo's chest was wet with blood and you knew he didn't have much longer. He stared at you, his eyes still that ridiculously beautiful brown. 

"You could have left. You would have made it. You could have lived." 

You shook your head, a faint smile on your lips. 

"Even if I had survived, it wouldn't have been living. Not without you."

Kylo's chest convulsed as he half-coughed, half-laughed. "How did two people who prided themselves in being impenetrable become each other's weakness?"

"Maybe that's just how it works," you suggested. "The best people at breaking down walls are those who know how they were built in the first place."

"Wow. That was grossly poetic. Can we act like the world isn't ending please?"

You laughed and a tear rolled down your face. 

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch all the time."

"I deserved it."

You grinned, "yes, you kind of did." You moved his hair out of his face. "I'm sorry for lying to you."

"I've done much worse."

"No you haven't," you retorted. 

"No I haven't," he agreed. "But it didn't really matter. It didn't stop me from being hopelessly in love with you."

Your eyes began to grow tired as your body succumbed to the exhaustion from draining that rebel of her blood. With your last bit of your energy, you pulled Kylo up against your chest, embracing him as you faded into the oblivion. 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry if you ignored the trigger warnings and read this anyway. If you are feeling suicidal or just generally not okay please call the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). I hope you liked my story and if you did please recommend it! The next chapter is the Epilogue. Please comment on it if you'd read a sequel about the daughter's life.


	49. Grow

[Two Years Later]

The massive red oaks kept the forest of Endor cool and shaded from the bright sun. You smiled as the purpose of your projection came into view. You just needed to see her. Just one time. A black-haired girl toddled our of the underbrush, hands making the twigs twirl around in the air. She laughed as if this was a game she normally played, as if every toddler could manipulate objects to their will. 

"Kyla Antinea Organa-Solo you come back here this minute!" 

The husky voice of Lenna sounded through the forest as she called to the toddler. Your hand was squeezed by the person beside you and you turned to smile at Kylo, who was watching Kyla intently. There was movement in the underbrush and a woman with grey hair moved into the clearing. 

"Kyla! There you are! You can't just run after every living creature you see." 

Kyla giggled, pointing at the two of you. "GG look, GG look!"

The woman looked to where Kyla was pointing, giving you both a sad smile. She knelt down to speak to Kyla. 

"Run and find aunt Lenna okay? Hurry and you might get a treat."

"Treat!" She turned to wave at you and you waved back, smiling from ear to ear. "Bye bye."

Kyla toddler back into the underbrush and Leia stood to face you, turning her stare to Kylo. 

"I'm not going to make the same mistake again Ben, I promise. I'm going to give her the best life I possibly can."

Kylo nodded and you smiled. 

"We know you will."

You and Kylo faded away, back into nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see some of the cool collages I made for this fanfic, check out my tiktok (@so_you_think_i_am_skinny) or they are at the beginning of every chapter on wattpad (@soyouthinkimskinnyyy)


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